Post # 1
FI and I are both virgins and are waiting to have sex until the wedding night, and I’m worried he’ll be disappointed with the reality of a non-airbrushed woman. He’s sweet and amazing and I don’t have any reason to worry that he’s going to be making comparisons, but I’m still worried that he won’t be expecting things like cottage cheese, stretch marks, non-toned areas, body hair, etc–things that women are good at disguising. I’m not overweight (about a size 4), stay healthy with good diet and exercise, and people tell me a lot that I’m a pretty girl, but still… they don’t see under my clothes! I have some cellulite on my thighs and have some unflattering angles where I don’t really look like the girls in the VS magazines, and I’m worried he’ll be disappointed when he sees the whole package. What if he takes one look at my dimply butt and is grossed out? I mean, it’s bad enough that don’t want to put on sexy panties because I feel like my butt isn’t sexy.
How did you girls get over this? What do you do to feel sexy and desirable?
Post # 3
I don’t think he’ll see any of that, he’ll look at you and think you are beautiful- please don’t worry about this! Women can be way too critical of themselves and he won’t notice your “dimply butt” which I’m sure is not as dimply as you think it is.
Post # 4
Trust me, I am a size 12 and my husband thinks I am hot, cottage cheese butt and jiggly thighs. He loves you, and knows you are real. He will think you are beautiful, no worries about that. We all have our hang ups, I bet he is worried about the same thing, maybe not to the same degree, but its definitely in the back of his mind.
Post # 5
I highly, highly recommend you both read this: http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/07/wedding-night-sex-virgin/
Also, your FI thinks you’re beautiful, right? If so, then trust me, he’s going to love your naked body best of all.
Post # 6
Does he love you? Are you getting married to him? Answers are yes so I really wouldn’t worry.
I am a plus size woman and my hubby can’t get enough of me, lol and I have the butt the tummy etc.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t worry about if you are “perfect enough” and VS models etc.
He proposed ..he thinks the world of you! Commited to you and no one else.
Trust him and not what the world would have you feed on. Like the other posters have said he’s wondering similar things about himself most likely.
What would you say if he was? I’m sure you would console him and tell him he’s wonderful and gorgeous! It’s just a little negative thought that needs to be dusted away.
As for you not thinking highly of yourself enough to NOT wear pretty panties. Tsk. Beautiful woman!
This poem comes to mind:
“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here” -desiderata
Go get yourself some pretty things!! That’s one way to FEEL it. Treat yourself the way you’d like to be treated and seen. Mmm? You are a jewel that will be joining your husband and become one. Wrap yourself up and “present” yourself to him when the time comes!
Good Luck. 🙂
Post # 8
i think it would be very smart if you had a conversation with your FI about this… I’m sure he has some worries as well.. Men tend to worry about their bodies just as much as women… and then of course there are the “performance” worries. If you both bring everything out into the open, it will make it that much easier to know what the other is expecting on the wedding night and honeymoon… and you can enjoy one another and the new intimacy you will be sharing with one another.
Post # 9
As much as I hate to make generalizations like this, the vast majority of guys are just not that detail oriented when it comes to women’s bodies. If a guy, especially one who loves you madly and, in this case, has just married you, sees you naked, let me tell you: he will not see dimples. He will see a gorgeous, sexy lady, and he’ll just be amazed that you’re his wife.
If you can, just tell him you’re a little worried about this. I don’t know anything about his communication style, but I bet he’ll have some very reassuring things to say. He might feel a little insecure about the whole thing, too.
Post # 10
You are gorgeous and your decsion to wait for each other just oozes beauty! Sounds like your FI isn’t the type of guy whos watching porn or drooling over VS underwear ads (hence the waiting for marriage). So he probably has no real baseline for a real woman 🙂
Just imagine that he may feel the same way! Will she think I’m “big” enough? (another stupid societal unrealistic demand) Do I look like a super ripped athlete? will I please her?
It will be a lovely and perfect night, and a wonderful future. Be confident in yourself!
Post # 11
I wouldn’t worry about it at all!! Trust me, guys don’t care about that stuff as much as it seems like they would.. It’s unrealistic to think that even those airbrushed girls don’t have cellulite or non-toned areas in real life.. You are beautiful, and your FI loves you just the way you are, I’m sure he wouldn’t have you any other way!! So be confident and know that you being a “real” woman is more beautiful than any airbrushing in any magazine 🙂
Post # 12
OK I read that part correctly about him being a virgin, right? His first time, and FINALLY getting to see a naked woman…honey you could be Two Ton Tillie and not have anything to worry about.
Post # 13
Trust me, guys don’t focus on the same things we do. The last thing he’ll be thinking about is a bit of cellulite. There are things about my body that bug me, but 99% of the time if I mention them to DH, he’ll give me the “what the heck are you talking about?” look and tell me I’m beautiful.
Post # 14
The fact is, you are beautiful and your future husband thinks he won the lotto no matter what you do on your wedding night.
But you are not going to be able to REALLY enjoy your wedding night unless YOU feel good about yourself. I would invest in some pretty lingerie and maybe if you are in the wedding suite the night before the wedding, design a lighting scheme thats dimmer, more romantic (no one looks good in full light).
Also, make sure you have yourself a little drink near the end of the reception. Not like, get drunk, just like half a glass of wine. It will help you relax.
Once again, he will love you no matter what you do, this is all for you to feel as comfortable as you can. We are women, we have hang-ups. The fact is, 90% of the time, these are things that no one else ever takes note of.
Post # 15
Thanks for the encouragement, everyone! I think it’s just a little intimidating, seeing all these massive posters of perfect women everywhere and wondering if that’s what he’s thinking is going to be coming out of the wedding dress! He’s been awesome about talking about this kind of stuff; we have pretty open communication lines and have talked about all of this before, and he actually told me the other day that I was his “standard of beauty” and that he didn’t really think other women held a candle to me. Made me feel good! He says he feels like he’s marrying a supermodel, and did say that he’s nervous and worried I’ll be disappointed with him/his body/his performance as well. In the end, we had a nice chat about our expectations for the wedding night. We decided to just have fun and play around, and whatever happens happens. Not a ton of pressure or wierd awkwardness.
I’m SO happy to be marrying my best friend who loves me! He’s a total gift.
@JerseyGirlLaur: LOL. Yes, you read that right, we’re both virgins. This is good to know. 🙂