Post # 1
I’ve been with my SO for 6.5 years, and we’ve lived together for 3. He is wonderful, i love him so much and we have an amazing life together – and i absolutely want to marry him.
BUT! i’ve been waiting a while, and due to moving internationally, starting grad school etc the order of things has gotten jumbled a bit and we’ve been waiting on an engagement for a while until certain things have stablised (not our relationship – money, where we live etc). From a year ago until maybe a month ago i was very excited, anticipatory of our engagement and thought i would die before it came! now – i still want it, my feelings for him haven’t changed, i love this man so much!
BUT when we talked about a proposal and when would be ideal etc i felt like ‘omg i THINK i can hold on until then!’ and now that ‘then’ is almost here – is it wierd that i’m thinking, well i could hold off another 6, 8 or 12 months? i want to stress that nothing in our relationship has changed, we have an amazing life and i still want marriage and a family with him, i just wonder why the urgency has left me.
is this normal? did anyone feel this? will it come back? i’m feeling confused and not sure why i feel this way.
it could be stress – we recently completed first year law school which was incredibly difficult!
Post # 3
@peonyinlove: Hmmm…honestly can’t say that happened to me.
I had been with my FI for 9 years when he proposed on our anniversary. I actually wasn’t super angsty/giddy until about a month before it happened. We had discussed marriage a few years before, but wanted to wait until we were more established in our careers/life/etc.
I was beyond excited leading up to the trip we took for our anniversary and the entire time until he proposed.
Maybe your excitement has just dulled down a bit because it’s been building for so long?
Post # 4
@peonyinlove: Yes by the time my FI actually proposed I could have cared less. It had taken him 2 1/2 to 3 years after he said he was going to do it. He proposed with a placeholder ring that I’m still wearing…
Post # 5
@bmo88: I’m with you on this one.
@peonyinlove: I’ve been with SO a little over 7 years, living together a little over 2.5 years. We had discussed an original timeline that I thought he would be comfortable with, but I realized I don’t want to wait that long. We talked again, moved our timeline up by a year, are working on getting the ring designed and will be officially engaged in about 2 months. And I couldn’t be more excited! I’m basically dancing around with excitement, I’m totally jazzed!
If you’re in law school right now, maybe the practical side of you is thinking that you could probably hold off longer so you’ll be closer to graduation/already graduated when you’re married. The original timeline I wanted (and hadn’t really told SO about) would’ve had us married by next summer at the latest, but then I decided to go back to grad school and realized next year isn’t an option.
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2014 - Brigalia's
I’m sure when he actually does propose, you WILL be excited!
Post # 7
@bmo88: i think you may be right about the ‘build up’ – i think it’s also a little guilt about not doing what you and your fi did – waiting until we’re more established. i thought about it a lot last night and i think that i’m nervous to tell certain people because they may think that we should have waited longer. Before when we talked about ‘when’ i didn’t think about anyone’s reaction, and now that it’s closer, i’m a bit nervous!
@pineapplez17: i think it’s great you moved it up and it’s working for you! it’s hard for me to admit i feel this way about it right now (it’s only been a few weeks that i’ve been feeling like this) because i don’t want anyone to think that’s how i feel about HIM – he is hands down the coolest guy on the planet and i just LOVE that man 🙂
so now it’s time to trust myself – that I love him, that i want to marry him for the right reasons and that i’ve barely slept in the past month due to exams and that being a bit wierd about a big life change coming is okay! i’m sure after some sleep and chillout time i will go back to being my excited self 🙂
@summery08: oh absolutely! i definitely will – i was just wondering if during a long ‘lead up’ anyone else had felt their excitement ebb for a while.
Post # 8
@harperlynn: aw i’m sorry that happened – we were definitely on the same page about our timeline, we live internationally at the moment and started grad school so getting engaged at our original time would have been a logistical nightmare and we wouldn’t have been able to celebrate with friends and family. we’ve picked the ring out together so i’m not worried about that either!
Post # 9
@peonyinlove: Lol, thanks. It doesn’t bother me anymore. I love him and are happy to be with him.
Maybe you are just in lull 🙂 It gets quite boring, waiting. I hope it’s wonderful either way.
Post # 10
@harperlynn: thanks, i appreciate that 🙂
Post # 11
i dont think i will lose excitemebt, however i am getting more annoyed aa time goes by and getting that ” w e” attitude because he keeps sayi.g how he wants nothing more than to do it yet he keeps dipping into the savings account that he created for the ring..i mean if he wanted it that bad then he wouldnt be using the ring money for stupid crap like beer …so im getting more annoyed than non excited…im at the point where i jave my timeline in my head and if he doesnt do it by then, then he must have doubts or commitment issues and im not dealing with that bs lol
Post # 12
@peonyinlove: I was really excited when we first started looking at rings. But then by the time we actually bought the ring I was feeling kind of meh… He’s supposed to propose sometime in July and I am also feeling like I could wait longer. So you are not alone. I think once the proposal happens and we can start telling people we’ll feel all giddy again. If you’re in law school you’re probably more logical than emotional anyway. I know that’s the case for me.
I also think part of that giddy feeling we get over a proposal has to do with the uncertainty we felt about the relationship. Like for most people even if you are in love and have been together a long time you are having at least some of those “Why hasn’t he proposed? Are we going to break up? What will I be doing a year from now?” sort of thoughts. And when you get the proposal you’re so happy because you’re feeling like “He really DOES want to be with me forever!” So even without the proposal yet, once I knew it was actually finally really happening it was kind of a relief and I locked in on “This is the plan. I’m doing this now.”.
Post # 13
It’s a big step – and while it feels exciting when it’s far away, when it’s actually upon you and “real” and happening, it does make you nervous because it is such a big step!
Enjoy the anticipation while you still have it – you’ll miss it when it’s gone!
Post # 14
I’m still really excited! Last week, I found out that it will be happening sometime this summer, and it’s made me so excited!
I think it all depends on how you deal with things
Post # 15
@nikkidrew90: aw that’s too bad, i would be disappointed too.
@TrousseauHorse: yeah i think i just thought that i’d be crazy by now with ‘waiting’ and i’m actually kind of ….fine with it? it’s not how i thought i’d feel – but i’m realising that’s okay! the excitement will come back, and this wierd period of ‘huh’ will go. it doesn’t change what i want, or how much i love him 🙂
@MrsWBS: yes – i think that’s part of it for sure! before when it was a ways off it was all positive things, and now that it’s closer i’m thinking about how to tell people, what will my parents say, should we be waiting till we graduate etc. i just need to get comfortable with the idea that it’s coming!
@memo: congrats on being so close – that’s great 🙂 and i want to stress that it’s not that i’m NOT excited – it’s just that for the last month i haven’t felt the urgency to get engaged that i used to. maybe that’s just me getting better at enjoying what we’ve got 🙂
Post # 16
I can totally relate! I just posted a thread recently touching on the same subject. It’s hard to maintain the same kind of momentum and excitement as time passes; I think that’s normal. Doesn’t mean you don’t want to marry him, just that you’ve had your time to be excited, and that didn’t necessarily coincide with the actual proposal… 🙁 This is my biggest peeve with waiting, I like being excited! And now I just feel like it’s inevitable because we’ve talked about it so much and STILL have to wait a little while longer. I’m not even annoyed, I just miss that sense of moving towards something that I felt when it was a new feeling, instead of a constant state of “getting close now”. I’m sure once you get engaged, you’ll get excited again! Don’t feel guilty if you’re not excited about waiting anymore; just look forward to being excited for your wedding to come once you do get engagedd! 🙂