Waiting bees: Do you talk about waiting for a proposal with your parents?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

 

@prettyinpink11: First of all, sorry to hear that your Mom is less than enthusiastic about your upcoming engagment.  UGH! 

Yes I’ve talked about waiting for a proposal with my parents.

My mom is in my corner and is all for us getting engaged asap.

My dad is somewhat for this but I think would prefer my SO to have a job first as he is a practical man and my SO is also practical.  I know that my dad has also mentioned that he would prefer a proposal happen before we move but after SO gets a job and that is soooo complicated lol.

UGH.  

SO has put a bug in my ear that his dream job encourages married couples as well.  It’s possible that if we do move cross country together that his future job will be one of the places I apply if I am unable to transfer with my own company. 

Looks like we are in similar boats!!!  

Good luck to you!

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

My  parents have hated every guy I’ve ever dated before DH (And 90% of why they love DH is his job!), so sorry your parents are still a little chilly about engagement!

 

Post # 6
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@prettyinpink11:  Yes he is finishing his PhD in Chem engineering so it’s def a factor….he can’t really get a job before he finishes lol!!!

Yes the company is also a software company but they do A LOT and you would def know the name if you heard it.  I’ve worked in insurance but lots of corporate call center experience.  So….if I were to apply for a job at his company it’d have to be with HR probably but who knows?!?

I know your mom is being a little annoying BUT she does have your best interest at heart.  I used to fight with Mr VB ALL the time about the lack of engagement about a year ago and he would always say ‘why is it soo hard for you to realize I need a job first’ which I would think is crap but now I (kinda) get it.  And I’m proud that he DOES have that mentality as I’ve seen one of my best girlfriends go through the stress of having to completely support a her man without any end in sight and she is freaking out!!  

Post # 8
Member
324 posts
Helper bee

I don’t care to have my dad in my life, so I don’t tell him anything. My mom LOVES SO so she’s been excited and talking about my wedding from day one! I also told my brother, because even though we’re not “officially” engaged we’re planning a “planning trip” for our DW and want him to go. It’s cute that I know that they’re excited for me 🙂 But if they weren’t, I honestly wouldn’t care! You need to do what’s best for you, because only you can dictate your own happiness. Family is important, but only you know what’s best for yourself. 

@prettyinpink11:  Your SO sounds like a wonderful, caring guy since he’s been so fastidious with saving for your ring! So sweet! 

Post # 10
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@prettyinpink11:  He works in middle management in insurance! (He literally couldn’t be more white collar or in a more stable industry if he tried!)

Post # 12
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar

@prettyinpink11:  OMG i feel your pain! This topic has been a recurring theme for me and my SO. We both have been dating for a while. So when we started applying for colleges after high school we both said that we would love to be married once we start college then that change to after we graduate from college then after law school then after we buy a house lol But one thing that has remained constant i would say is that SO wanted a stable job before he proposed to me and to have a house. Thank goodness the job thing he has is packed down lol and the house just came into place! He is 27 at the moment and feel like he is in a good place to proceed with marriage. I just wanted him lol but i am glad though we waited till everything was in the right place. Now closing date for the house will be in dec…and even though SO bought it on his own he bought for us which makes our first even more special 🙂 i have never lived with him so us moving together after marriage is so exciting! My parents know about the upcoming proposal bc SO has asked for my dads blessing not too long ago…but a major thing for my dad is him having a job a good job…so my dad feels a bit more calm lol 

Post # 13
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

I do all the time with both my parents. I do just because I am a little on the younger side 23, basically I reasure them that its ok and I am ready for the commitment. Plus I talk to my dad about everything, his only concern is that SO will ask him first. 

Post # 14
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

A while back, there was a discussion on the boards about marriage being the joining of two families vs. marriage being the joining of two individuals. I think your view depends on your relationship with your families. If you have a supportive family, then I think it’s easy to think of marriage as the former and keep them in the loop. But if you have a disapproving family, I think it’s easy to think of marriage as the latter and share on a need-to-know basis.

I know what you mean by an awkward conversation with your mom. My SO’s family is very supportive, my dad is very supportive, and my mom wavers between nice and nasty. When my mom is nice, I think about being more open with her but then I remember all the times she is nasty and I decide it’s none of her business. I agree with veryberry13 that moms usually have their daughter’s best interest in mind but I can understand keeping your own counsel.

Also, how does your SO feel about you discussing your timeline with your parents? Is this something he would prefer to keep private or does he not mind everyone knowing? I mentioned to my SO that I told my best friend about our timeline and he was a little taken aback. I didn’t realize it was a big deal because he’s pretty open about us planning to get married (he’s told his parents, co-workers, even the guy who looks after his retirement account…) I think he felt like our exact timeline was supposed to be our secret though, something to calmly smile about while everyone else wonders what is going on. If your SO feels the same way, that’s even more of a reason to deflect your mom’s questions. 

Post # 15
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m not especially close with either of my parents, so I think discussing a proposal/engagement with them would be very awkward. I’m just hoping they don’t focus on my young age since they married fairly late (their mid 30s I think). They don’t really stand on ceremony, but I want my SO to ask my dad’s/ both parents’ blessing to marry me. That talk will be happening in the next month or so. I imagine that conversation will be quite awkward. Short but positive I think. He said he spoke to his parents about proposing to me and that that conversation was also short and sweet. Awkwardness all round yay! 😛

Post # 16
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

well my mum’s been thinking about and researching my wedding for 2 years. i’ve only been properly waitin for 1! so i told her initially (2 years ago) that it really wasn’t near yet and i told her a few month ago it’d be next summer/autumn.

all of our parents now know it’s coming imminently. we both think of marriage as the joining of to families and are a younger than some (just turned 25, SO at home).

but obviously it depends on your relationship and ideas about what marriage is.

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