Post # 1
Good Morning Bee’s,
I wanted to post this today because I have had a little time to calm down over the weekend. It was a bad weekend for me as a “waiting bee”. I just couldn’t stop thinking about our situation and felt horrible about it. I’m kind of sad today. Well my BF (of 3 years whom I’m waiting for to propose) asked me to go to an engagement party this coming weekend. One of his friends/co-workers is getting married. I met the friend a few times and his fiance once. The problem is I’m in such a slum right now because I’m wiaiting. I guess the depressing stage of the “waiting cycle” (this is about my third time at this stage for me). The reason I feel so bad is although I’m happy for anyone who is about to make the vow to get married I know I’m going to feel horrible being at the engagement party.
- Because they have not even been together 1 year and are getting married while I’ve been with my BF for 3 years and I’m still waiting on his proposal.
I know this may sound a little selfish/childish but I just really DON’T want to go. I think that although I’m happy for them it isn’t going to do anything but make me feel worse in regards to my situation. Thus making me have another horrible weekend.
Please help me bees. Am I being unreasonable? Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? Should I tell him how I feel about not wanting to go? Or just keep quiet and do it for him? I kind of want to do both let him know that I will go for him and because this is his friend. But also give him my reasoning for not wanting to go because how it will make me feel. Like rubbing the “waiting” in my face….
Post # 3
Yuck, yeah, that could set you up for another downer of a weekend. But I’d suggest waiting a few days before making up your mind to go or not go — sometimes a couple of days can make a big difference in your mood (at least for me) and you might feel up to handling it then. I sort of felt the same last week when I’d had a rotten weekend but had to go to a bridal show with a friend on Thursday… and though the day was rocky for other reasons (mostly to do with issues in the friendship), I’d started feeling a lot better about my own waiting in the time between the weekend and then, so even though it was a little rough, it was pretty manageable and I was able to get some good out of the experience.
Maybe by the middle of the week you’ll be feeling a little better and might have a different perspective to look from when making up your mind to go or not go?
Post # 4
Do you really want to be that girl that misses out on things because she’s sad about not getting engaged? Part of being with your guy is being his partner and the person he wants to take to events like these – remind him of that by escorting him to the engagement party. Remind him why he wants to marry you in the first place! I guarantee, staying at home sulking about not being engaged is not going to remind him of that.
Does it suck seeing everyone else I know get engaged (4 friends this week alone) even though I’ve been with my boyfriend (4 yrs) longer than each and every one of them? Of course it does. But sometimes, you gotta suck it up and this is one of those times. Life goes on, it really does. It will be your turn, and wouldn’t you want all your friends there to celebrate with you? I know its a lot easier said than done, but I think you’ll be happy you went. Even if you just go, stay for a drink, and leave, at least you made the effort. Your boyfriend will see that and appreciate it.
Post # 5
I say GO,
For one I hate it when my job throws parties or my co-workers invite me out and my SO doesn’t want to go, only because I feel lonely. You will give your SO someone to talk to when things get boring (I know this is my selfish thinking)
Two, this will give you the perfect AMO to talk about things to do once you get engaged with your beau, even if it has nothing to do with you. I hope you go; you might have a good time.
Post # 6
@Krises: Wow! Wonderful perspective. You are absolutely right. I guess I could go. It won’t hurt or kill anything and obviously won’t speed my proposal up anymore by not going. Letting him know that I’m doing it for him won’t hurt either 🙂 Mayve it will help the cause. Thanks Bees! That’s why I’m glad to have you. You give me such a level mind and clear sight.
Post # 7
Glad I could help! Just try to have as good of a time as possible, and maybe you and your boyfriend can make a date night of it after the party! It could be fun.
I also like 7mom’s perspective. It’s always a good launching point for talking about engagement/marriage.
Post # 8
Krises hit it on the nose, and I’m glad you see her point of view.
It’s so hard being a waiting bee, I know, but you should definitely go. It wouldn’t be fair to the couple if you didn’t go, don’t take this out on them. This is definitely one of those times where you have to suck it up, believe me, things happen for a reason.
You’ll be proud of yourself that you were able to do this.
Post # 9
I agree with the other bees, I think you’d be sad and regret it if you didn’t go. If anything, you’ll have fun with your BF and he’ll be happy to have you there with him. All the engagement talk might get him thinking…. and maybe acting on it… preferably on one knee. 🙂
Post # 10
Krises is so right! I think you should go and put on a happy face. If you’re sweet and charming and since engagement will be on his mind (since it’s an engagement party :P) he’ll look at you and be reminded of the reasons he loves you so much and that might prompt him to go to the next step! However, if you’re really not going to be able to go there without sulking all night, I wouldn’t suggest going… that’s no fun for you, the newly engaged couple or your SO.
I would definitely suggest going though! Instead of looking at this like a bad thing, think of it as a way to remind your SO that engagements exist and a chance to portray yourself in the best light while he’s thinking about that! 🙂
Post # 11
OH I KNOW THAT PHASE INSIDE AND OUT!! LOL! its been nine years since ive met my man. we JUST got engaged this year.i had to remind myself many times that happiness in a partnership is not gauged by how long/short it takes to get engaged or married. tho when my little brother(4years younger) got engaged to his girl (dating about a year) waay before i started to pick rings it really bugged me at first. i sooo did not want to go to that engagement party but i told myself to get over it and i went anyway. that waiting situation that i was in and you are in now is not their fault. also sometimes, depending on each couple, getting engaged too fast isnt a good thing either. take your time, and enjoy the ride.
Post # 12
The thing about ME is I would go but I may get angry afterwards. Especially if I have had some to drink and am feeling emotional. I would probably have fun at the party but we would get in a fight on the way home. All I am saying is this is ME, at 33 I know what would happen.
Something to consider that is all.
Post # 13
Hey, I am the exact same way, I get depressed to the point that I cry, and its always on these dates that my hair wont do what i want it to and nothing i own looks good on me and it all snowballs and makes my night horrible
I am so grateful I found this site every post I read is me, like you are reading a page out of my own book