Post # 1
Hi, my girlfriend and I have been together a little longer than a year and basically living together the last half of that time. We love each other and have discussed our future together, starting a home, and a family one day. We’ve talked about marriage and we both want it. We’re really looking forward to starting our lives together. I’ve told her I want to marry her one day and I definitely do. Hell, I’ve already had a ring designed. However, I’m currently working a contract job and I really wanted to land something long term before proposing. I’ve been looking hard and doing a bit of research and I’ve found that many more companies are moving towards temporary/ contract employees due to the unpredictable economy. For all I know, I could end up waiting forever for the type of job I want. Should I wait longer or propose and continue to work on getting a better job? I just don’t want to end up waiting for perfect conditions that may never come. Perhaps I’ve already answered my own question and just need reassurance. Either way, any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
Post # 3
It’s never the perfect time to take the next step in life there could always be more money in the bank, a better job, a better house, ect. You can’t let could be’s hold you back from living you life, do what you feel is right. Keep in mind, if you want to be more stable before you get married a long engagement is an option.
Post # 4
@relx: I think age kind of plays a role in this personally. Like if you’re younger, waiting a little bit may be more realistic. I’ve been with my husband since i was 16 and got married at 22. So 6 years sounds like a while, but obviously we needed all that time to grow (and continue to grow) and get settled financially. But one of my managers at work has been with a guy for a little over a year (she’s in her upper 30’s) and is already talking about he needs to propose already. Both her and her bf have been divorced before (him for 3 years and her for 6 years). As far as I’m aware, the divorces aren’t an issue. But she knows what she wants and isn’t wanting to wait around since she’s financially secure and whatnot.
My husband and I are both in school. I have 2.5 years left and he has 3.5 years left. Yes, we’re not in the BEST financial situation, but we’re able to pay out mortgage and all our bills. We could’ve waited til we were both making more money, but I wouldn’t have changed it for anything. I’m glad we didn’t wait honestly lol.
Post # 5
Perfect conditions will never come. If you know you want her in your life forever, ask now!
Post # 6
@Eckle: Thanks for the reply. That definitely makes sense and the long engagement is an idea I hadn’t thought about. That could work.
Post # 7
I always told my FI I wanted to have a stable career before even thinking about getting engaged or married. For me it was important to be settled into a job, I got a full time job in my field and FI proposed 5 months later. I got the job when I least expected it, things have a way of working out.
Post # 8
@relx: Perfect conditions may never happen. FI and I were together for 7 years before we got engaged. We were waiting for the “perfect” time also. When we had more money and both got better jobs, but those conditions never came and may not come for a long time. So since we love each other and wanted to get married we got engaged anyways. Our engagement is a little over 2 years so we could save for the wedding. Moral of the story is that life will never be perfect, but if you found the one you love and want to spend your life with and can afford it, then go for it!
Post # 9
As long as you’re getting regular enough work to support yourself financially, I would go ahead and propose! You thought forward and saved enough to buy a ring, right? You sound like a reasonable and responsible adult!
Post # 10
Thanks for all the advice. I am doing fine financially and have saved more than enough for a ring. It would just be nice to have a promising job come along. However, I want her in my life forever, and that’s most important to me.
Post # 11
@relx: Hmmm. . . Here’s what I would recommend:
First, I would pick a day coming up soon (like New Year’s Eve). Think hard about all the factors and how long you’d be willing to wait to propose. When the day you choose comes, make a decision on whether you want to wait a longer or shorter amount of time.
When you are thinking about this, make sure you think about all the relevant factors: your employment prospects, how much you both have saved, how secure her job is, living arrangements, what type of wedding you both want, how long you’ll be able to save up for a wedding, etc.
After you decide that, pick a day further into the future to act as your “deadline” for proposing. This date will be determined by whether you want to wait longer or not. You don’t have to propose before that date; its a period of time where you would like to propose, not a period of time where you have to.
You don’t need to share that date with anyone, including your SO, if you don’t want to. This is a date meant strictly for you.
The only other steps would be to get the ring (which you’re working on) and plan how you want to ask.
For us, my FI had some life goals he thought were important and wanted to accomplish before proposing: he wanted both of us to finish school, be employed, and he wanted to become a CPA. All of that was accomplished by the end of summer of 2011, but it took until last month for him to propose – part of that was that he wanted to own a home first, but most of it was the fact that he didn’t want a really long engagement (we’re doing 2 years because my sister gets married next year) and he didn’t feel completely ready for marriage.
Just think things over and see what you think is best for the two of you.
Post # 12
relx – I agree with the sentiment of others recommending you not let a good job situation dictate your marriage plans. Take the plunge! Lead well. Love requires commitment.
Here is a good article about why taking the leap towards marriage, as a man, can be a very good thing – http://bit.ly/1bTXBcj.
Keep us posted on your progress!
Post # 13
@relx: I’ve heard so many waiting bees here on the other side, and so I say if you already know you want to marry her, go ahead and propose now. Plus you don’t even need to save for the ring. She will be grateful to know you’re both on the same page. Update us! Let us know 🙂