You just have to sit him down and have a heart-to-heart
(Sorry… there is no other way)
You have to clearly tell him what your CONDITIONS are…
(Especially the living together thing… I 100% Agree… I would NEVER Marry someone that I hadn’t lived with… because like or not some people can be super-secretive about stuff… that otherwise would be dealbreakers… and ONLY thru living with them are you going to know more about them… stuff like bad habits… like too much porn, gambling, drinking etc… but also other stuff like how they can be a team player when it comes to Finances, Chores etc)
As for the rest of it…
Well Parent’s Blessing & Looking at Ring Designs together… you just have to make it clear that is important to you.
Mr TTR asked for my Dad’s Blessing on his own (Bless his heart… and I am over 50). It meant the world to my Elderly Father, and one of the best days of my life seeing my 60 something Fiancé and my 80 something Father talking such sweet things about me.
As for Rings… we talked about that too. We had updated our LIFE PLANS, and had a TIME LINE. I told him that it was important to me that we pick out the Ring together… because I didn’t want a SURPRISE Ring… as my taste (and hands) are very unique… and I wanted to make sure that I LOVED The Ring… cause I would be wearing it 24/7 x 365 FOREVER. It had to be right.
Mr TTR being a traditonal man, thought this was a bit “out the ordinary” to say the least.**
So I put it in terms he’d understand. He is a HUGE Hockey Nut (find your guy’s soft spot) so I asked him how he’d feel if I went out and bought him a whole bunch of Hockey Equipment without his input or trying it on… and then I told him… THAT IS IT… This all you have to deal with for the next 25+ Years. Hope you like it !!
Or what if I bought him a shirt… and then told him it was THE ONLY Shirt he could ever wear for the rest of his life ?
Once you put it into those sorts of terms… they tend to GET IT a bit more.
Explain you too are ok with the surprise element… THE PROPOSAL… he can do that as he wishes… with the ring in hand or not.
Lots of guys on WBee pick out The Ring with their girls and then organize The Proposal afterwards…
OR they Propose with some sort of cute / creative stand-in, and then they go shopping together
OR they Propose (sans ring) and then the two go shopping together
That is what Mr TTR did. We had our BIG Talk around this time of year (end of 2011) for our 6th Anniversary… and we agreed that our TIME LINE was to marry within the year, before the end of 2012. He told me he’d propose in his own way… and I agreed to that.
My Proposal came while we were on Easter Vacation… April 2012. Without The Ring… but still special & romantic… and we began Ring Shopping the next day.
We were married as to plan (Eloped to a Destination Wedding) Christmastime 2012
Hope this helps (some).. if you want more details you can send me a PM
** I am happy that we went ERing shopping together… because he later confessed that if he had been left to his own devices he would have bought me a Solitaire Ring (all he said he ever knew to be an ERing). And that would have been SO WRONG for me and my style… plus the fact that one of the things I DID NOT WANT this time round was a Solitaire, as I had one for my First Marriage.
You should also let him know that an ERing is a SIGNIFICANT Purchase… and it cannot be easily returned… so it should be something that you BOTH Love… and that it right right from the get go.