Waiting causing "family" problems

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, I don’t think your mother should be involved in this. This is the problem of discussing relationship issues with people close to you: you rarely feel the need to share the good parts. The result is that your mother may see only the bad, and not enough of the good in your relationship.

But of course, it would be nice to have her be supportive. I think YOU should talk to her about your engagement, not your SO. Work on helping to establish a friendly relationship between your mother and your SO, but I don’t think bonding over an upcoming engagement in your situation is possible.

And BTW, congrats on the upcoming proposal :):) That part is so exciting! 

Post # 4
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m sorry but I can’t really blame your mom for this. Every time you and your SO had an argument, he would extend the timeline?? That’s just so petty and mean. It doesn’t speak well to his character and it also doesn’t bode well for your marriage, if you end up marrying this man.

Also for future reference, if you don’t want your family to develop a low opinion of your BF, then don’t air your dirty laundry, so to speak. Even though you may forgive and forget the arguments with your BF, your family won’t. They’ll continue to remember the bad stuff and lose respect for him because of it. 

Anyway, my advice is to tell your BF not to bother with asking your mom as it appears that she won’t be supportive. It would be worse for him to ask your mom and get turned down than it would be for him to NOT ask and propose to you anyway. 

 

Post # 5
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@hawk1:  Someone told me once long ago that if you are going to bitch about your boyfriend, it would be better to do it to *his* mother before your own. Why? His will forgive him; yours never will.

Either way, you’ve got to work with the situation you’re in. I’d start doing damage control asap, or just be frank with your mother: “hey mom, I know Mike and I have had some bumpy spots…but he is who I want to spend my life with. I’d appreciate you getting on board and being enthusiastic for us, or simply keeping any negativity to yourself.”

Post # 7
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

I don’t have any specific advice for “waiting impacting family” but I have something kind of similar that might help you. About a year ago, my parents kind of started hating my boyfriend (the reason is irrelevant) and they said that he couldn’t hang out at the house and stupid things like that. It took like a month or 2, but I just kept saying “look…he isn’t going anywhere, I love him, and it is really pointless to be negative about it when he makes me happy beause it won’t make him go away and all it does is make life miserable and difficult for me.” Now they are nice to him and like having him around. Stand up for your relationship, explain to your mom and insist that he makes you happy, and ask her to support your happiness.

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