- 3 years ago
- Wedding: March 2015
Hello, so i have been a lurker for quite some time now. I am writing this post purely out of curiousity. My so and I have been together 2 years. We are both in our early 30s. One year into being together he brought up that he was thinking about rings and marriage with me and i was the first girl he ever really have thought about that with. Of course i was estactic because i feel that way with him too. From then on we talked about engagment, marriage, children, etc. He brought it up and I would bring it up. It was very easy conversation. At 1.5 yrs in i started to get sad that he hadn’t proposed yet. I talked to him and let him know that i was definately ready and hoping we could take that next step soon. He then told me “he wasn’t ready”. Never did I expect that and it hurt me and he could see how sad i was. I told him i understand and that marriage is a big decision and that i would never want him to move forward into an engagment until he was ready. However, a few weeks later he suprised me and took me ring shopping(looking back i think he did this because he knew and saw i was sad…not to sure if he was ready to actually go ring shopping even though he was the one who drove this and planned the ring shopping in detail). He had apparently already gone once before to look and wanted to show me those rings. Thank God because the ones he picked i didn’t care for. So for 3 weeks we went to 6 or 7 different jewelry stores and he was very excited. We found three rings I liked and i thought whew i can finally sit back and wait now. Then a few months went by and i started to wonder what his timeline was for getting engaged. I asked him what he was thinking and he said “i dunno, im not ready, when it feels right”. That is all i could get out of him. I left it at that. Then another few months go by and i start to feel overally anxious, nervous, resentful, and depressed that he hasn’t proposed and hasn’t talked about engagement or anything. I decided i can’t keep waiting and had a come to “jesus” moment with him in that i sat him down and was like “you know i love you, you are my best friend, we share and do everything together. I want to someday soon call you something more than just a boyfriend because you mean more to me than that. I would really like to have a wedding next summer in 2014 and I really want to know what you are thinking for our future and if getting engaged is something you see in the near future.” I started crying even though i know i needed not to at that point. I just lost it which that never helps because i think it makes him spin. Anyhow, he said that he “feels like I am pressuring him and that he needs to do it when he is ready”. I told him “he said that before and what does he mean by “not ready?”. he was like “idunno i just need to feel ready”. I couldn’t get more out of him. He then said that he feels like i am now pressuring him”. I told him that “its not pressure or my intent and it normal for two people in a relationship to talk about future plans so we both know if we are on the same page so we don’t waste eachother’s time”. He then said that “he feels like if he doesn’t propose to me in a few weeks that he will lose me”(he clearly senses that i won’t wait around much longer). i told him that “i wouldn’t want him to do it in a few weeks because i do really want him to do it when he is ready but im hoping it won’t be another year out and that if he doesn’t see moving forward with me for a few years away then maybe i am not the girl for him as we are both in our 30s and spend so much time together and just as I am sure about him he should have a good indication about me.” He then said, “okay give me 6 months”. i am cool with that, finally feel relaxed, and got a timeline. Well its a month into the timeline and today we were talking about another couple and their relationship problems and i told him that we sometimes have problems with our communication. I meant little communication issues like forgeting to pick something up at the store we talked about or something like that. he then said “the only communication problems we have are when it comes to engagment”. I said, “what do you mean?” he said “well the conversations we have around it make me feel pressured and like i have to do it in a certain timeframe or else you will leave.” I said “sorry i have come off that way…that was never my intention but i just think its normal and important to talk about it as its a huge decision for the both of us and i need to do whats right for me as you are also thinking this over”. i then said i won’t bring it up anymore then. he said, “no we can keep talking about it but i just wish you wouldn’t put a timeline on it” At that point i wanted to scream so i went silent. i dropped it. i feel so hurt and angry. i feel i have every right to want to know what he was thinking in terms of a future/timeline and that its only normal to talk about that and know what he is thinking. That is the only way i know we are on the same page. Am i suppose to wait around for years and what if it never happened? All of this has made me only 90% certain over this man. I love him and want to spend my life with him but slowly this is eating at me and naturally makes me anxious. A part of me tells me to just relax until the end of the 6 month timeline and it will happen and i am worrying too much. The other part of me tells me i know i want him and love him but its not okay to let him determine when aand where the relationship goes. I want to do whats best for me too and not look back with regrets. So i guess out of curiousity i am curious what others would do. Would you wait until the end of the 6 months? Would you end the relationship and follow the saying that if true love finds it way back its meant to be?