Waiting for a Ring: How long is too long?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How long would/did you wait for a ring?
    1-5 years and/or still waiting: totally fine with the wait! : (39 votes)
    28 %
    5-10 years and/or still waiting: totally fine with the wait! : (14 votes)
    10 %
    10+ years and/or still waiting! Totally fine with the wait! : (0 votes)
    1-5 years and or/still waiting: Was anxious and unhappy waiting : (18 votes)
    13 %
    5-10 years and/or still waiting: was anxious and unhappy waiting : (5 votes)
    4 %
    10+ years and/or still waiting: was anxious and unhappy waiting : (2 votes)
    1 %
    For the right SO I would wait forever! : (16 votes)
    12 %
    I don't need a marriage to prove we are commited : (17 votes)
    12 %
    I wouldn't wait past X amount of years. : (27 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    109 posts
    Blushing bee

    @the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  I am the oddball that doesnt need a marriage to prove commitment. Even though we will get married, (he is so gung ho about it) I told him right off the bat I dont need a ring or a day to prove anything. If you were dropped in a world where there was no sort of marriage, you would still want to be with your SO and be loyal to them, right?

    I believe it is more of a choice on the couple if they do or do not. Some people are just happy being together, and some people want that big day, days, week, to be like “Yeah! I’m HITCHED! WEEE!”

    I think the only downside is that so many ladies vie for that day so hard they drive themselves nuts. That if your man does not put a ring on it there is clearly something wrong. I never believed that. If you truly love someone and you truly want to be with them, then they are all you need. Anything else is a bonus.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1025 posts
    Bumble bee

    Husband had a really hard time talking about marriage, weddings, the future because his ex was batshit crazy and had it ALL planned out for him, and it drove him clear in the other direction. It took a huge break down on my part to get him to understand that it was okay to talk about it.

    Than being said, he never knew that he was on a three year time line. At our age I felt that that was plenty of time to decide if this is what he really wanted or not. Towards the end (a few months before we got engaged) I had a lot of anxiety, it got to the point where I would cry a lot and just not understand what the hell was going through his head. We talked about engagement, but it was not an open process, there were little things that he would say that would get my hopes up and I just felt confused and like I wasn’t good enough for him.

    Obviously I was considering that he put a ring on it.

    It wasn’t the engagement or the ring. I wanted to marry him. I wanted the commitment made in front of our family, friends, God, and eacother that we were going to make this work through thick and thin.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3077 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I’m only 2 years into my relationship and we’ll be married just before the 5 yr mark, engaged before 3 years. I’d be fine waiting till 5 years to get engaged and married at 7 years. I’m finding the more time we’re together, the more SURE I am.

    I would need a ring and a marriage eventually but I could see waiting quite a while before feeling “OMG I NEED A RING NOW!”…but when that moment did hit, I don’t think I’d wait around for too much longer. I’d get resentful and question why it was taking so long and start thinking I was meant to find someone with whom I share my life plan.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    It all depends. SO brought up engagement and took me ring shopping on his own two months ago, though I had brought it up about 2 or 3 years before. When we first started dating, we both agreed we wanted a serious relationship.

    Marriage has always been important to me, but I didn’t bring it up until we had been together for 4 years. It wasn’t my focus at all. Then I went a little nuts. I decided 4 years was long enough. He told me he wanted to be with me for life but needed X in place for marriage.

    I was really resentful. I broke down crying on more than one occasion. Then one day, I read something. It talked about the power of choice. I’m not waiting on this man to marry me; I’m choosing to stay. Ultimately, I knew I would wait for him forever, so I chose to stay. Once I made that choice, things changed. I still wanted marriage, but I wasn’t nutty over it. I was able to just enjoy loving him and be mellow about it all. I was able to focus back on life in general. 

    Fast forward a couple years later, with no marriage talk from me in that same amount of time, he asked me my ring size, told me to look at styles, and then took me ring shopping. We picked out a ring, and while I haven’t asked him for some sort of timeline, I know we will be engaged before the end of the year. At this point, we have been together for 7 years.

    Of course, now that I know it’s coming, I’m going nutty again, but I also know our relationship is right. We are supposed to be together. Even if the ring were to never materialize, I would be with him. I would live with him, unmarried, for the rest of my life. So, no breakdowns from me. No nagging or questions from me. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but I don’t have the bitterness that I see other women have.

    If he had been another type of man, this story would probably be a lot different. If I wasn’t sure he loved me, this would story would be a lot different. Every woman has to evaluate it for themselves.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    4640 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’ve been with my SO for 6 years. I had no desire to get married and was perfectly fine with our relationship as is. Getting married is important to my FI so we discussed and will be getting married next year. Not everyone needs it to be happy and committed. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    6812 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I, too, am comfortable without a wedding or getting married. We live in a state that recognizes common law marriages anyway (without a minimum time requirement), so we could really do it the super easy way and just say we’re married and poof! lol

    We were together 3 years before engaged and have been engaged for 8 months now and we don’t even have a real wedding date and venue picked out.  We’ll get married when the time is right for us, there’s really no point in rushing through life!

    What’s important to me is being together and making each other happy. A wedding/marriage won’t change that one bit.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3718 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think this has a lot to do with age too. When I was 22, I would have been willing to wait a lot longer than I would be now at 38. 

    FTR, we were together a little under 2 years before we were engaged. I’d say I was only “waiting” as defined by the bee for a month or two

    Post # 11
    Member
    1332 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’m of two minds about this. I don’t think you can truly know a person in the first year or two, so I think it’s wise to wait somewhere between two and five years before getting married-even if you’re older.

    OTOH, I don’t think marriage is “just a piece of paper” and marriage does signify significant commitment to me. Therefore, I would not be comfortable completely merging finances, buying a house, adopting pets or having children with someone I was not married to. So at some point, I’d want the proposal so we could fully merge our lives together.

    I guess the answer is: I wouldn’t be rushed into marriage in under two years but I wouldn’t wait around forever either.

    Post # 12
    Member
    376 posts
    Helper bee

    5 1/2 years and I’m getting really tired of waiting.

    Post # 13
    Member
    179 posts
    Blushing bee

    Currently at 5 1/2 years. We probably won’t get married until somewhere between our 11-15 anniversary. So I guess I better be fine with it…

    Post # 14
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Different strokes for different folks but this is the way I look at it:

    If you met your SO in grade school or college then getting married at 25 when you’ve known each other since you were 12 is not crazy.  Obviously people go through a lot of changes between adolescence and adulthood.

    By the time you’re 25 if you know within your gut that you’re the kind of woman who wants to get married (for whatever reason) and deep down in your gut you know that no other arrangement will feel right for you then I believe you should never date someone who does not have that same deep desire.  If you follow this and date someone with that same type of commitment craving then it should not take longer than 1-2 years tops for an engagement and setting a date.

    For the record I knew my FH for 7 years as a friend before we began dating (I was with someone else).  But when we started dating I was honest about what was important to me.  He proposed within 5 months. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  In your post show two entirely, different scenerios

    This first couple is on the same page, THEY are happy just the way things are and eventually Im sure marriage will come but they know where they are going,and they know what they want..

    So I dont think their waiting, but their living….progressing with either 

     

    The second relationship

    This is clearly a case of one person wanting something that the other person is not willing to give, She could wait until she is 175 (I know no one lives that long)

    and she will still not get the ring, the issue in her situation is SHE shouldnt WANT TO BE with a person like that, because the RING is not going to make her happy! She needs to be delivered from that relationship in move on….

     

    So to answer your question

    First couple…I would wait until when ever because we are both on the same page

    Second couple, I wouldnt wait another day, I would be packing my bags and be on the first train smoking

    Post # 16
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    I think it depends on ages. I met my last ex when I was 23 so marriage wasn’t on my radar and I was in no rush for a timeline. When I hit 26-27 is when I started to get annoyed and actively waiting for a ring.  If you’re 25+ I think atleast 2 years for an engagement to happen is acceptable. 

    Now that I’m 29 I would only wait 1-2yrs for an engagement to happen. I wouldn’t care if he’s a brad Pitt copy that own a diamond mine. If he hasn’t popped the question after 2yrs I’m out.

    Leave a comment


    Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Find Amazing Vendors