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Waiting for acknowledgement

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
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    Wannabee
    maris    April 2, 2010  

    My husband and I had a very non traditional wedding in April, where we paid for everyone's accomodations as well as activities for the entire weekend. It has now been four months and we still have not received gifts from the majority of our friends. Granted we did not have a registry, but of the 60 couples that attended only 20 couples actually gave us gifts. Is it fair to be dissapointed that we did not receive so much as a card wishing us well and congratulations, or am I being incredibly petty at this point? Let me also follow up with neither one of us had any other events surrounding the wedding (i.e. showers, engagement parties, hen party, etc).

     
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    bmore    October 9, 2010  

    I think it's fair to be disappointed, and I do believe the general thought that gifts are never required, but I also kind of think that anyone can find the time to buy and sign a card. However, there's really not much you can do about it, so I suggest that you either let it go or re-evaluate the friendships. Another approach could be to try to view them with a little more empathy even though you're disappointed. It sounds like you were really generous, but did any of them have to take a lot of time from their work or lives to be there with you? Did any of them travel from far away? Those things suggest that they care about you, even if they didn't buy a card. But still, I don't fault you for feeling disappointed.

     
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    Mrs. Meowerson    May 12, 2012  

    you paid for everyone's accomodations!!! i would most certainly be peeved. 

     
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    nyebride    nyebride  

    We've been married 7 months with the same number of people attending and we got maybe a handful of gifts.  While you have the right to feel how you feel, you really can't expect anyone to do anything.  Rules on this thing are all over the place; one rule said an invite= gift.  I got excited a bit...we were inviting over 200 people so in my mind 200 invites=200 gifts.  Did it turn out that way?  No.  And they have a year to get you something so I would lose all hope now but I wouldn't hang on the year either.

    While I think a card or something would be nice (especially if their stuff was all paid for), it didn't happen and there is nothing you can do about it as bmore said. 

     
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    Mollytov    August 29, 2011   Vancouver

    feel free to be peeved. 

     
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    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    I would be really mad. We had a lot of people not get us gifts and it does make me a little angry. It doesn't have to be expensive, just some kind of acknowledgement.

     
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    tintine1    October 2, 2010   Las Vegas

    I would be uspet.  A little something would be nice especially since you are paying for their accomodations.  Good Luck!

     
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    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    I'd also be a little angry here too! I'm usually one to say that you shouldn't expect a gift from anyone, but the fact that you paid for their accommodations and they couldn't have even given you a card? Sheesh!

     
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    MarzipanMrs.    June 2009   New Jersey

    It definitely sucks and I would be disappointed but unfortunately I think you have to take the fact that you paid for the accomodations out of the equation.  While I am not saying I understand it at all, there will always be people who don't give a gift for whatever reason and wouldn't have given a gift whether or not you paid for anything.  It was very generous of you but it was your choice and in the mind of someone who wasn't going to gift you anyway, it would be thought of as your choice to pay and probably have no bearing on whether or not they bring a gift. 

     
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    Julialimei    June 2011  

    I would also be disappointed. I can understand if people are unable to give a gift for financial or other reasons, but if that were the case, I'd at least expect a card saying "congratulations" from anyone who came to the wedding.

     
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    Helper bee
    hsearle    January 15, 2011   ND/Getting married in Minnesota

    i'm sorry. that's ridiculous! it's one thing to go to a wedding where you pay for your own accomodations, etc. but another when everything is paid for! i would never think to go to wedding sans-gift, or at the very least a card! your feelings are A-OK!

     

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