Waiting for commitment

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I absolutely feel for you! My man has also been citing money for a ring as his reason he hasn’t proposed yet and it is so frustrating cause I really don’t care about some fancy ring. I don’t really know what to tell you except that you’re not alone!

Post # 3
Member
4909 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Twinkle99:  

I think you’ll find lots of Bees are in your situation.  Have you sat down with your SO & had a serious discussion about timelines & expectations?

Post # 6
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Twinkle99:  Is he actually saving for a ring? You should ask him where he’s at on that.

At the 2.5 year mark I asked my SO when it was going to happen and he hadn’t thought about it at all. I was incredulous, I said “You just thought I’d be your girlfriend for 5 years before you even thought about saving for a ring?!” He was embarrassed but he didn’t know how things go. My SO was saying money was the issue for a while but he was putting away money where he could but it was going to take a long while to get to what I wanted. I changed my mind several times and ended up deciding on something much cheaper but it’s not coming any quicker lol… We have the stone and a date for the wedding set as an update…

Post # 8
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Does he know that? I feel like if you should be asking him those questions… 5.5 years in and you two aren’t/weren’t kids when you started this relationship. You are entitled to at least a conversation on where things are going and along what time line. It’s your life/relationship/future too doll. It’s not pushy this is where your head and heart are at now… With the holidays feelings get magnified a bit becuase people see their families but don’t let excuses run your life.

Post # 9
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Timeline talks are helpful but ultimately, you can’t control another person’s actions.  What do you have control over? Deciding what you want and how long you’re willing to wait for it.  Yes this is a complicated situation filled with complex emotions, but never forget that this is your life and you are the master of your fate, captain of your soul.    

Post # 10
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

This sounds a lot like my situation.  I hope that it works out for you and he proposes soon!

Post # 11
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

You are definitely not alone in feeling this way, I have been with my SO for 5 years, we are both 26 I have gone through lots of different stages, talking calmly, crying, being angry and none of them give me the outcome I want, I just get told that he wants it off the radar before he will do it so that it’s a surprise. So I have now decided to keep quiet… Which is so very hard when it seems like a different friend gets engaged each week at the moment! I totally understand your feeling of being made to feel small by others. I hope you get some clarification soon!!!

Post # 13
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

Let’s be real.  You’ve been with him for over five years and you are about to be 30.  You wanting to be married for a while before kids makes this harder.  Say he “proposes” tomorrow.. you get married a year from now, and then another 3 years before kids that makes you 34 before you even TRY to get pregnant.  Are you only wanting one?  I just think you need a sense of urgency at this point because you don’t want to be with someone any longer who isn’t going to marry you.

Post # 15
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Twinkle99:  He doesn’t want to get married.  Why would he?  You own a house together and he already has everything he wants from you.  You’re the one who’s not getting what you want.

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