Waiting for he other shoe to drop

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@brooke25:  Sometimes the other shoe gets hooked up on overhead wires and never does drop!

It is understandable that you are expecting something else bad to happen. You have  had a lifetime of bad things happening.

Maybe this time you will be Cinderella. You have met your Prince and your life is about to change forever, in a good way.

Post # 5
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@brooke25:  I am so sorry about your mom. I can’t imagine. 

Try to remember that yes you are happy now and yes you deserve it- and waiting for something bad to happen will not stop it from happening. It will only diminish your happiness. I don’t want to say ‘nothing bad will ever happen to you again’, but expecting it is a sad way to spend time.

Enjoy your wedding, your man, your new life. 

Yes I did spend some time waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was a waste. Yeah bad things happened since but then, guess what, you’re happy again- and then you’re just looking for another pair of shoes, and another and another.

Post # 6
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@brooke25:  I can totally understand why you feel like it might all go wrong. But it might not @julies1949:  is right, sometimes things work out. 


As long as you aren’t convinced something bad will definitely happen, as long as you aren’t pushing your SO away, as long as you can enjoy the good, I think you are okay.


And you are not the only one to feel this way. Sometimes I am convinced that everything good I have will vanish on me. It can be debiltating to feel that way, I’m working on it.

edit for typo

Post # 7
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I totally get where you are coming from and I also had a difficult childhood with stress and money issues etc. I often feel thait certain things will never happen to me and I think in a way it’s self preservation as I’m not letting myself get too excited for certain things in case it never happens. 

I also think it makes us more cautious and prepared for the worst in a way that other people might not be. 

Post # 8
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah I get it but, you’ve had such a rough childhood & upbringing that you’re done. No other shoe should drop for you. Not anytime soon anyways. I’m gla you’ve found your happiness. Just relax and enjoy believe me when I say you totally deserve it!

Post # 9
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@brooke25:  I am exactly the same! My step dad was a drug addict, alcoholic, compulsive gambler – my mum hid it from us, and protected us from a lot of things. Until we lost our hosue, she couldnt possibly hide that from us! In the mean time, I was graduating high school, my grandad died, my aunty was diagnosed with cancer, I started uni, my aunty died of the cancer, my step-mum had a major heart attack and was revived seven times and then my step-nanna died. Wow, writing that list makes even me wonder how I did it! I keep expecting bad things to come up and ruin my “perfectly flawed at the moment” life. It’s like always sleeping with one eye open so that I can catch whatever is coming. 

Post # 10
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I had a hard childhood, too.  

Therepy helps, and lots of it,  years adn years of it.  If you can’t afford it then find some way to through community reasources.

Post # 12
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m sorry for the loss of your mother. Regardless of your relationship, I’m sure it wasn’t easy.

I understand how you feel. My mom always used to say, bad things come in threes. That has been true for me until recently when I’ve realized that bad things come in dozens. I am having a really rough time right now and I keep thinking, waiting, wondering about what else could go wrong.

My only advice, which I’m trying my best to follow myself, would be to not stress the things you can’t control. If something else does happen, you will deal with it accordingly. Right now you are borrowing trouble and worrying about things that may not even happen. That will just cause you stress and make you sick.

Post # 13
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@brooke25:  I grew up in situations similiar to yours.  Addiction has taken its toll on my family.  The only one in my family who was never addicted was my mom……she was the enabler.  I, my sister, my brother, and my father have all done battle with these demons.  My mother died, in 2006, I was 18 months clean, my borther was in prison.  My dad thankfully is 30+ years clean.  My sister contiunes to do battle with many other factors in her life.

Today, my brother is still using and abusing.  And yes all of my family dread the phone call your family recieved, but we all fully ACCEPT that this could be a possiblitly.  And sadly, for some drug users, this is the only way that they will ever STOP USING DRUGS.  It is a sad reality, and none of us (the mere bystanders) can do anything to prevent it.

What I can tell you is this.  I have spent many of my clean years (all 10 of them) just like you are right now.  I contiuned to wait for something bad to happen.  BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I WAS CONDITIONED TO BELIEVE.  Bad things do still happen, but mostly it is out of our control.  I know now that if I think positive things seem to go much smoother.  Try to remember YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS, and what your mother has done with her life, was in HER CONTROL.  What you do with yours, IS IN YOUR CONTROL!!  It is up to you how you go forward.  People sometimes think we are all destined to repeat the mistakes of those before us.  This is not always the case, my kids are absoultely NOTHING like I was.  Neither of them drink, smoke or party.  Both are VERY smart.

Positive reinforcement.  Always seek the positive!!  Be happy!  Plan your wedding, and hold a place in your heart for your mother, she is at peace now.  She no longer has to try to hide her shame from you and the rest of the family.  Her struggle is over, and I am certain that deep down she would only want the best for you.  Many hugs.  I know this stuff is really hard.

Post # 15
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@brooke25:  I am so sorry about your childhood and your mother passing away.


I too had a rough childhood.  This feeling of “waiting for the other shoe to drop” is VERY COMMON in children who experience uncertainty and chaos.


I still feel it.  H and I are doing very well for ourselves everything is so very wonderful too, but I always feel like it could go away any second.  Like I am fully aware that my H or I could be killed coming home from work today.  I think it prevents me from really feeling happy.


So things that I am working on to make myelf feel better is get a will, get a trust, enjoy daily things, save money, and realize try every day to realize that I am in control of life, try to remember something good each day, enjoy little things too.

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