Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years (Anniversary this September) and still no proposal. I’m 24, he’s 27. We’ve talked about it multiple times and both agree that we will get married, but he still hasn’t asked. I’m tired of seeing my friends tying the knot and I’m getting anxious! We recently moved in together in late December (about 7 months ago) which I thought would accelerate the process, but I almost feel like he’s just gotten comfortable. Money is not an issue– we both have a substantial amount saved and have steady well paying careers. We’ve even had conversations about buying a house together but I refuse to do that without a ring. There’s been multiple occasions where I thought “this might be it” but was left disappointed. When I ask him what he’s waiting for, he just says he doesn’t want me to expect it and wants me to be surprised. Is this a just an excuse to avoid the commitment?
What should I do? I’m getting impatient. Am I overreacting? How much longer should I wait?
Post # 3
Mr. Bee has a plan for getting a proposal posted here:
Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan (and Backup Plan!) for getting engaged
But if that’s not for you, maybe you should tell him how you are feeling? I was having a really hard time dealing with the waiting and had actually been planning the wedding (he knew about all of this.) We had talked about it a lot and such, and then, suddenly, he took me ring shopping. Now he wants to be in on all the planning and we picked out the ring and things are going in the right direction. Maybe he just needs to wait for his time?
Post # 4
I know how frustrating waiting is, and all of the doubts that creep in as to why it’s taking so long. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and two of his friends just proposed to people they were with for less than a year! It’s natural to wonder if your guy just isn’t as into it as they are.
But you’re only 24, and have all the time in the world. If you truly love him, then it’s worth the wait. Maybe he really just wants it to be perfect, and when you ask him about it, then he then wants to wait longer so it doesn’t seem like he’s just doing it to shut you up, if that makes sense.
I like Mr. Bee’s advice a lot, but I’d skip straight to the backup plan, and stop asking of course. Do both for at least six months (hopefully you won’t need to for that long, but at least it will take the pressure off of both of you), I’d say you have a good chance.
Post # 5
Honestly I think talking to him will be the best solution to this problem. He is never going to know how you are feeling if you dont tell. Guys dont always pick up on the hints that we give. Open honest communication is the best policy in my book!!
Post # 6
It’s funny, but I had been waiting for about 1.5 years (together over 4) and no amount of discussion seemed to move anything. I just found out last night that he’s buying a ring now (he doesn’t know I know). After reading Mr. Bee’s plan, I realize I was enacting the back-up plan without knowing it. I’ve been losing weight and making new friends, got a new job, buying new clothes and in a good mood, and when he goes to play golf (a new and time-consuing obsession), or goes on a business trip, I find fun things to do by myself. He actually has been complaining that when he calls me I don’t pick up, or seem like I don’t want to talk to him. I wasn’t purposefully playing hard-to-get, I just started focusing more on my own interests than him, and VOILA.
Post # 7
Maybe he will propose on your anniversary. My FI did on our 5 year 🙂
Post # 8
I am the same way.My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and known each other almost 5. Almost a year ago I went to pick out my ring and I have been waiting an entire year to be engaged, it is now June and still no ring. I know how you feel, it has been horrible thinking every time we went somewhere that it was going to happen and didn’t. Two trips later as well and still no ring. I have no clue what he is waiting for. I am always leaving hints and telling him that I want to be engaged soon and I know he has been saving for the ring, but he has it now and I am not sure what the issue is. I have tried asking and keep getting dissapointed or he gets upset with me telling me to stop ruining the suprise. I feel disapointment like you, I feel like the last year has been ruined because I keep assuming this will be the day. It is hard to get it out of your mind when you know it “could” happen. I think the best thing would be talking to him. Although I tried this as well, it may or may not work for you.
I have seen so many cousins, friends etc who have been together less than we have and they are getting married this year. I want my time and I feel like hes scared or just prolonging it because he is happy with living together and everything else. I think sometimes men need timelines because some of us would be waiting 20 years to be engaged if they didn’t.
Post # 9
Thanks for the response. We actually ended up getting engaged last September and are getting married this October!! I think the best advice I can give is patience. I’m sure it will happen for you soon!
Post # 10
@monet11: Our situations are similar. I’m 24 he’s 28 and we’ve been dating over 3 years. My SO has also stated that he does not want me to know when it’s going to happen so I’ll be “surprised.” I don’t know if that’s a stalling tactic or not. I tend to think it’s silly to think that you wouldn’t know it was coming having being together for so long.
Best of luck!
Post # 11
Thanks. We are actually getting married in about 2 months! We ended up getting engaged in Mexico last fall (guess he was planning it the whole time!).
Best of luck to you 🙂
Post # 12
Yikes, I didn’t notice that previous comment (or that this was written a year ago). Congrats!
Post # 12
I know this is an old post (and i seen your comment, congrats on your marriage!) but it’s crazy how close our situation is, SO and I have been dating for 5 years im 24 hes 29, we’ve been living together for almost 2 years and we’ve had the engagement ring for a year now (we bought it together) and yet still no proposal. I’ve brought it up to him and he says he wants to do something big, which i’ve told him multipule times we have a beach 5 min down the road from house that he can just do it at but no, lol. AND he wont propose on holidays, birthdays, anniversary’s etc.. so i can cross all those days out, but i am really hoping he proposes this year..