(Closed) Waiting for my boyfriend of five years to propose…

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

i think you two should sit down and talk in terms of definite plans. you should be honest about how you feel about your situtation and what you hope you can gain from the discussion, whether it be a firm idea that you two will be getting married or a basic idea of what he’s thinking. but definitely talk. it’s a little scary to bring up the subject but you’ll feel a lot better having talked it out. if you can’t wait until he gets back to discuss this, then you should be prepared to talk to him over the phone or something soon.

everytime i waver, even the slightest bit, the boy reinerates his intentions for us to gett married and it makes me feel a whole lot better about our situation. i hope you have the same luck. i’m sure you’ll get plenty of great advice here on the board. good luck!

Post # 4
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Please don’t say that you’re afraid it’s a waste!  Be happy with where you are now in your relationship.  You love each other, and he knows you want to get married, so don’t let yourself stress so much about the proposal.  He’ll do it when he’s ready.  Until now, appreciate what you have and live for the moment–don’t stress about the future!

Post # 5
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Unless you have reason to believe he will never ever want to marry you, I don’t think you should worry. I do think you should talk to him about marriage again, let him know you’re ready, and see where he stands.

Post # 6
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

how does he feel about marriage, whats his reaction to friends and families that are getting married.

personally i would give him a timeline and if he doesnt buck to that then how many more years of your life are you prepared to wait for him to come around


Post # 7
3 posts
  • Wedding: March 2018

I hear you cuz I’ve been there. I know how you feel that we’re not getting any younger and we both mature enough to get married. Maybe you can ask him in a nice way for how long more do you need to wait? I asked that to my FH. If both of you already talked about marriage, I think that’s a fair qs. But, try not to push him, maybe you can give a little hint 😉
Good Luck!!

Post # 8
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

we’re sooo Here!! i will be 30 in about 8 months and i swear i hear a clock and it is LOUD!!! does he know how you feel about getting married?

Post # 9
24 posts

definitely, definitely have a talk with him and be honest.  try to focus on your relationship and where it’s at, and not that of your friends.  it’s just heartache when you keep comparing yourself to other people.  remember, the grass will always be greener on the other side.  and remember, life can be full of unexpected surprises!

Post # 10
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

When you “talk” about it, is it a “when” or is it “if”? He may simply need more time (timelines are a good thing, personally i think after 5 years you should KNOW where your relationship is going) or he may not know where you stand.

Tell him you’re afraid he’ll never ask you, etc. Sometimes they need to know that. If they think you are content where you are, he may not necessarily feel the need to propose. But if he knows you want/need it, that’ll help. Don’t give him an ultimatum yet but I would definitely throw a timeline out there that if you two want to be married by X, he should propose by X so you can plan accordingly.

Post # 11
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Well said ejs!

Sometimes guys don’t know what you want or expect unless you lay the guidelines down. I would not do an ultimatum but I would starting talking about what you want out of your relationship. Being together for 5 years is a long time, so the two of you should know what you want out of your relationship.

Don’t stress about it but be sure to work it out!

Good luck!

Post # 13
74 posts
Worker bee

I have been there – one may say I am still there.

I have been with my bf for over 6 years and finally I gave in and gave him an ultimatum. Here are a few things I have learned about ultimatums and how they work best.

One be honest about everything – it is time to lay your cards out. Explain your feelings and why his just saying that  you’ll get married someday isn’t reassuring or whatever is most pertinant. NO CRYING. If you think you’ll cry then you should consider writting a letter for him to find when you are out. DO NOT DO THIS WHILE HE IS A WAY. These things are upsetting to everyone but particularly to guys. You need to deliever the blow then the next day or evening come back and be a normal loving person like the conversation didn’t occur. If you left him a letter just ask if he got it and then don’t say another word.

Set a date and stick to it. Some tips about this is don’t pick an arribitrary date. You need him to know the date otherwise you won’t feel like he new when and be tempted to stay and he won’t feel he had a fair chance. Don’t pick an arribitrary date because you will then be tempted to move it..

I can’t say this enough. Give him the ultimatum then don’t say a word about it to him – you may take a trip away while he is at home so he can experience the feeling of your not being there and don’t contact him while you are away. Pick up his calls if it is convient but allow him to experience not having you.

I know it sounds sneaky or awful or something like that and that is exactly how I felt until I couldn’t take it any longer. A friend of mine’s roomate had done that with her boy of 4 years and on the last day he proposed. Another girl I know did it and the guy missed the date so she left and about 2 weeks later the guy showed up with a ring and proposal. It is hard and stressful but where you are at right now is certainly affecting your quality of life. I ended up giving an ultimatum but not providing a date and when he missed it we were on a romantic getaway and I felt it wasn’t fair that he didn’t know the date. Several weeks later I set him down and told him that there was an important event coming up in my life but he had to propose before I knew what was going to happening with that. He has the ring now but he hasn’t proposed yet and it is a real race of time with the deadline

Feel brave and go for it. Best wishes

Post # 14
200 posts
Helper bee

I think you might need to hold off on thinking about marriage until he comes home and the two of you re-find your footing together. It seems to me that the bigger question is not ‘will he propose’ but ‘is this relationship going to last’? Deal with the second question first. And deal with it by talking with him when he gets home. Skip the game playing: watch and communicate. It might just be that he isn’t good on the phone, or that he’s tired and distracted. Or it might be that he is retreating from the relationship and is beginning to think about bringing it to an end. You can try to talk about it over the phone or you can play cool and be your usual lovely self and wait to see what happens when he gets back.

(You can also use the time to think about how happy and fulfilling YOU find the relationship. Forget your timelines and focus on whether or not he really makes you happy.)

You definitely don’t want to force engagement on someone who doesn’t really want to marry you or who isn’t really committed to making the relationship work. You need to talk to him and figure out whether or not he is still in.

Post # 16
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

((hugs)) dcstar, whatever you decide to do, i wish you the best!

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