Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years (Anniversary this September) and still no proposal. I’m 24, he’s 27. We’ve talked about it multiple times and both agree that we will get married, but he still hasn’t asked. I’m tired of seeing my friends tying the knot and I’m getting anxious! We recently moved in together in late December (about 7 months ago) which I thought would accelerate the process, but I almost feel like he’s just gotten comfortable. Money is not an issue– we both have a substantial amount saved and have steady well paying careers. We’ve even had conversations about buying a house together but I refuse to do that without a ring. There’s been multiple occasions where I thought “this might be it” but was left disappointed. When I ask him what he’s waiting for, he just says he doesn’t want me to expect it and wants me to be surprised. Is this a just an excuse to avoid the commitment?
What should I do? Is it time to throw out an ultimatum? Am I overreacting? How much longer should I wait?
Post # 3
@monet11: Ultimatums are never good, imo. You might want to let him know that if he tries to wait until you least expect it, you’ll both be waiting FOREVER (because it’s on your mind now and isn’t likely to go away anytime soon).
Post # 4
Agree, no ultimatums. However, I might set an amount of time in your head that you’d expect something to happen by. If that time comes and goes, you can then reevaulate the situation. If there is no reason for him to wait, and he wants to do it, it should happen, unless he simply isn’t ready. Only you can decide how long you want to wait. If you want to wait until he’s ready, then great, but make sure you don’t push him, and check to see that this is really what he wants, or else you might end up in an uncomfortable situation (ie: getting a ring but in what manner?)
Post # 5
I saw you go ahead and ask him to marry you.
Post # 6
I think you should let him know you are ready and can not move forward in your relationship until he proposes. Let him know you do not want to be waiting too much longer or else you will have to rethink the relationship- then give him a good amount of time, say six months without talking about it or bringing it up. Say in six months if he hasn’t made a move to propose—- then you need to rethink the relationship which includes moving out.
Post # 7
What Armychica said. I moved in with my husband but told him very clearly that things would have to move toward an engagement in a timely manner. I do think they get very comfortable with the living situation and don’t see the need to change things. But was not going to be a wife in all but name. I didn’t issue an ultimatum but I didn’t let him off the hook either. It took about a year.