Waiting for the proposal when I know he has the ring

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I am also new here!….and also on the same boat as you. I get so frustrated knowing he has bought my dream ring and it’s not on my finger!  I have been with my guy for 2 and a half years, living together for a year and we have a daughter together. I just want a meaningful proposal and I feel hes not going to be romantic if I keep rushing him. Hopefully we will both be proposed to soon:) All I think about every day is maybe today is the day. 

Post # 3
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

@Elise2014 & @EbonyC Welcome! I havent’ been here that long either and I’m in the same boat as you guys. Unfortunately, I can’t bring it up because I’m not suppose to know that he has the ring already. I’m going absolutely crazy!! My wait is only 3 weeks in. I don’t know how much longer I can last. My birthday is next month, so I’m hoping it’s sometime around then.

Post # 4
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

Hey ladies…

I was in this position last year…for the full year. I thought I knew in December 2012 that he had bought a ring because I ended up hearing the voicemail from the jeweler saying it was in for him to go see (we had been going ring shopping before that so it all made sense). But as more and more birthdays, anniversaries, and special trips or what I thought would have been romantic occasions passed, I did not receive a proposal and I started getting pissed. He seemed to be fine planning out “our future” together in conversations with me without ever addressing the elephant in the room that he hadn’t actually yet asked me to be a part of that future! And yes during this time, the why aren’t we engaged conversations happened, and his response was just that he would do it when it was the right time, etc.

Not going to lie, I got pretty upset. We spent all summer 2013 fighting bad. I got bitter, and the relationship was not happy anymore. I’m woman enough now to say that a lot of that was my fault for going “proposal/ring crazy.” Ultimately, around Aug/Sept 2013, I had to firmly come to the conclusion that this being antsy over a proposal and distrustful of him (as in, is his not proposing a sign that he really doesn’t want to be with me, even though his conversations and actions say he does?) was worse than being single. I had two choices: (1) say this is enough, I want to be in a relationship headed toward marriage and break up with him peacefully; or (2) decide that even if we don’t marry for years or ever, this is still where and who I want to spend my time with. And let that be that, and put the entire marriage conversation to rest.

Thankfully, I decided on number 2 and really took it to heart and our relationship dramatically improved over the next several months. Back to where it was before ring shopping was ever really a thing. 

Fast forward: New Years 2014, he proposed with the very ring that I had wanted a year and a half ago, and yes the same ring that I heard the voicemail about. Turns out, he had been paying on it all year which I had no idea about. So everytime we had conversations about getting engaged and he knew he couldn’t afford it yet, it was pretty hurtful for him. 

I would take back a lot of the anxiety and arguments from last year if I could, because they were unnecessary. My advice to those ladies waiting is this, either you love him and want to stay with him or you don’t. Don’t pressure him, and try your very hardest NOT to bring it up in conversation. If the timing isn’t working for you, leave. Otherwise, be patient and the reward of a solid relationship with a sincere (un-pressured) proposal will make up a million times for the time you were waiting.

I hope this was helpful and not just a long lecture! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

leprechaura:  Thanks for sharing your story!  I went a little crazy too and finally snapped out of it last fall. 

We recently went ring shopping (his idea) and I am pretty sure he just bought the ring this month so now I am feeling anxious again because it really could happen at anytime now. I do have a feeling it won’t be until end of summer so I am doing my best to not think about it and just keep living our happy life! (its hard though because I just do badly want to marry this guy!).  Stay strong ladies in waiting!  You’re not alone. 

Post # 6
Member
7 posts
Newbee

@ny88 Thank you! I am also going on 3 weeks lol. I try my hardest not to think about it and I know he will ask when he’s ready, I know he has already purchased the ring (I saw the Ben bridge recipient,  well the top part of it). 

@leprechaura Thanks for the advice!! It is truly helpful,  it has caused quite a bit of fights (he doesn’t know I know he bought it) again, I’m trying my hardest to go about my day and not bring up the topic.  

Post # 8
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

The only advice I can give is to focus on the reasons why you want to marry him in the first place. My SO has had my ring since February… February 16th to be exact and I an STILL waiting. We have gone on vacation, (got back a week ago in fact and just booked our next one for July) date nights, romantic excursions, and yet here I am still waiiting. 

SO keeps brining up wedding questions and each time I remind him he hasnt proposed yet. We even on a trip to Vegas looked at three different wedding chapels and discussed the work of the photographers… frustrating to say the least … however, I can say it is very important to SO that it is “done right,” and I will respect that. 

I to have a daughter from a prior relationship, so I understand your anxiety but you have to have faith in him…he will do it and in a way that is special and meaningful for you both.  Truth be told my own actions spoiled my proposal (SO wanted to propose in March I have a thread posted about why it didnt happen).  Be patient and have faith. It WILL happen.

Post # 9
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

Patience. I know it’s hard, but try. I was in a similar boat, I was waiting and waiting – we’d talk about it, think about when we wanted the wedding and what age and he’d say he wanted things done by this time etc etc and I kept starting to freak out cause I didn’t have a ring and can’t plan without a ring! Well, he finally said that me talking about it was pressuring and freaking him out – and I had to take a step back and realize that hey – ok – I don’t have it but I believe I will and when it’s time he will do it, if I keep pushing I won’t enjoy it as much. So, I took a breath and just started to enjoy our relationship again. Relaxed, no bringing it up – and what do ya know, the time he had planned on doing it – he did it! And it was wonderful, a surprise and everything wanted!! So, I know it’s hard, but guys have their own time and reasons for these things – and what we think of as good ideas for them or timing – they have their own. So, as hard as it is, try to relax, be patient and just enjoy your time now 🙂 Good Luck!!

Post # 10
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

EbonyC:  My fiance had the ring from Feb 2013 to October when he finally proposed. It’s frustrating, I won’t even pretend that it’s not. And knowing he has the ring simply makes it that much worse. However, you do have to decide if you want to be with this man regardless of marriage or not. It’s hard to back off and just let things ride, and I certainly never did it for more than a day or two at a time, but do try to relax. If you’ve made your stance clear, then give him a little whiile clear of wedding/proposal talk (if you can) and see what happens. 

Post # 11
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

I’m not sure whether these posts are comforting to me or not – my situation is a little different – b/c I do not have kids and I want to try for one.  Also, I’m older – so there really isn’t too much time to wait.  Nonetheless, I know my bf is the perfect one for me and I can’t imagine not being with him – so just trying to keep the faith.  I have learned through past experiences to just keep talking it through and communicate.  Eventually, if you’re not getting what you want, you have to move on.  With any luck and faith, I won’t need to do that.  🙂

Post # 12
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

My advice…find a hobby (join a book club, take a class, join a gym and/or go their classes regularly) or something else to focus on. Keep in mind that anything that you do that looks adverse could scare him into prolonging the proposal. So, getting angry is exactly what you don’t want to do. The more you focus on something else (ie, not the ring), the more likely he will step it up and do it sooner. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
13 posts
Newbee

I’m in the same situation in regards to knowing that he has the ring and waiting. I wish I could give you (and myself) some good avice about waiting! But I can show solidarity, so here I am! haha

Post # 14
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

I wonder if she ever got engaged? I don’t think she’s around anymore and this is 9 months old but I too am waiting and he has had the ring for over 2 months. :/

Post # 15
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I am absolute certain of knowing my guy has the ring. I picked it out Lol. However, now I am left wondering when I will actually be proposed to. How do you not go crazy (note the username) while waiting? 

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