- 3 years ago
I have never felt in such good company (for better or worse) until I read through some of your posts about waiting for engagement. I empathize with so many posters about the mix of emotions that go through your mind while ‘waiting’ so I thought I would share my story. My SO and I have been together 7 years and have lived together for the last 4. We have a dog are committed, though due to a new job have had to be long distance (only 3 hours apart) for the last year, but still see each other every weekend and spent most of the summer together.
I know he has the ring (I’ve seen it) for a long time. That should be exciting but I also know he’s had issues with proposing. He’s been as open as a guy tends to be about this – says how committed he is, plans our future, our wedding date, is very focused on making sure I’m happy. However, I would be lying if I said his lack of proposing and kind of (unintentionally) stringing me along isn’t really difficult. It’s definitely led to our fair share of discussions and a break initiated by me last year. Only to be promised ‘soon’ again.
Well, due to a new work project starting in a week, including a lot more travel for me, along with wanting children (we are in our 30’s), and waiting for so long I said to him a few weeks ago I couldn’t imagine starting this new phase of my life still dating. He’s had time to figure things out, he has a ring, he knows me, we are committed, and we’ve certainly had our bumps but love each other very much, there’s just no reason left in my opinion not to move forward.
Having read other posts, there are mixed opinions on setting a time limit on things. However, I know in my heart I can’t wake up any more wondering and missing out on having children because I kept waiting…because what if he never ended up proposing? He says that would never happen, but how would I know. Most of my friends, including those who have dated much less time, are engaged/married/and/or have children by now. I’ve calmly (sometimes less so) watched them all, been to all the events, seen the looks on their faces and quietly carried on. It’s just not healthy for me or him to keep in this holding pattern. He completely agrees but I still don’t know what that means. I basically told him that if he didn’t already have something specifically planned that he should know in his heart that’s the answer – that he can’t seem to make time despite how much I’m hurting and how much he says he wants to marry me, etc.
So needless to say this isn’t the easiest week. I will say he’s been exceptionally caring, doting, communicating since we had this conversation, but I don’t know what that means. Any input, words of wisdom, experience are welcome.
I should also say it’s not about a ring or a wedding to me, and he knows that, it never has been. For me it’s about starting our family, having kids and moving forward in a way we have both agreed on (though he’s clearly struggled with this at times, he has never once told me he didn’t want to be married which would be a different scenario)