Waiting for years, could this weekend be it?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

I would sit down and, without mentioning weddings directly, ask him where he wants to be a year from now and five years from now.  Try to not be leading and not be critical, just find out where he sees himself then and what he’s working towards.  If he says that in five years he sees you guys married with a kid, then you can point out what sort of time those things take working backwards – I feel like a lot of guys just think weddings sort of happen and don’t realize what sort of work goes into them, and they think once they decide to take that leap everything happens immediately.  

 

If he says he wants a kid in 5 years, you can point out that that’s probably a year to get pregnant after getting married if you start trying right away, and that people are usually engaged a year before they get married because it takes that long to book places, and you’re talking an extra year or two if you wanted to enjoy just being a couple before jumping into kids – and boom, that’s 3-4 years right there to make an engagement, wedding, and a kid happen.  Obviously people can and do expediate those things but laying out a typical timeline makes guys a little more aware, and it might help you guys get on the same page.

 

If on the other hand he doesn’t mention you guys being married or having kids as part of his five year plan, there’s a lot of conversations you need to have to make sure that he does want to get married rather than just thinking a wedding is some nebulous future thing that might happen.

Edit: I wanted to add that this isn’t about setting time limits or a walk date, per say! It’s more about evaluating where things stand in a way that might help both of you get on the same page, or find out if you’re not so you can make decisions. Being stuck not knowing where things are going is so frustrating.

Post # 4
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@LaylaM2014:  Some people think that it is horrible to set time limits/ walking dates but I don’t see the point in staying in a relationship with no marriage in the future. I’m not referring to the folks who don’t really care for a marriage. If you want a marriage followed by kids, why stay in one that is going no where. 

Positively, his extra kindness could actually be a sign that he is about to propose. If I were you, I would lay off of the topic right now. 

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