- 3 years ago
First of all, let me say how happy I am that I found this board. It’s really SO comforting to know I’m not the only lady who gets frustrated with waiting and that there is a medium full of other ladies just like me for support when I get all flabbergasted at BF about waiting. Seriously – this is awesome.
Anyhow – on to my issue. BF and I have been together about two years (not horribly long, I know). We have lived together for pretty much the entire time. Anyhow, we’ve known from pretty much the word “go” that we were the be-all end-all for each other. Marriage, kiddos, the whole enchilada.
The other week I was feeling down about us not being engaged yet and BF asked me what was wrong and I told him about it. I was very careful to not nag or pester or pressure. He’s never been the commitment-phobic type so I wasn’t worried about that. In fact, I think if it came right down to it, if he knew I was totally miserable about not being engaged, he would do it just to make me happy. He’s good people, my BF. However, I don’t want to be that way. I never wanted to be the girl that pressures and pushes and nags for an engagement. Not the best way to start out a marriage, in my opinion.
So, he and I talked about rings and what’s been holding him up is the cost of a ring. I’ve never been all that picky about rings. I want what the ring symbolizes, not what stone it contains. So, I told him about moissanite and how lovely it was and it’s history and cost, etc. and he was on board. Awesome.
Fast forward to Saturday. I was visiting my mom and she told she wanted BF and I to have her engagement ring from my dad. She wanted us to use it towards buying an engagement ring of our own, which I thought was amazingly sweet of her. Especially considering the fact we want to buy a house within the next couple of years or so (been trying to save for that pesky down payment).
Saturday night I tell BF what mom wants to do and he reacted in a way that I never expected. He downright refused the offer! He wanted to save his own money to pay for the ring. He said he felt like he needed to “earn” me. Now, he and I have been through some rough stuff so he has more than “earned” me. Please, don’t get me wrong, what he said was beyond sweet and I know, down to my core, that he loves me.
But. It hurt my feelings a great deal that he wouldn’t even consider it. Given, we had both had wine that evening so were not in the best frame of mind to be open and reasonable (we’re both rather pig-headed).
Point is – my feelings were hurt that he wouldn’t take my mom up on her offer and the fact that he wouldn’t only pushes out an engagement even longer than I had hoped for. So, basically I think that part of me is being rather selfish in wanting what I want, WHEN I want it, etc. Another part respects the hell out of BF for wanting to earn the ring and my hand, which I think is so sweet. And then the last part of me is kinda hurt that he IS being so stubborn about it.
Soooo, I’m of several different minds about. Anyone else been through something similar? He and I didn’t get much resolution out of that conversation and BF did say he wanted to talk to me again this week about it when we hadn’t had wine and had clear heads, haha. Just some words of wisdom would be great.
Thanks is advance ladies!