Waiting Frustration…kinda long (sorry!)

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MissAEM:  Welcome.

 

I understand your BF’s side. He may view accepting a ring that he didn’t choose or pay for as somewhat emasculating. Folks may say, “oh that’s just silly,” but men can be very particular about these things.

 

I would just leave him alone to do the ring/proposal in his own way and if that includes picking out a ring and paying for it himself, then so be it. He sounds like a good guy to me. He is being open and honest with you and you have had some pretty concrete discussions about the future and he said that he would talk to you again about it, so I would just be patient with him and not insist on getting things your own way.

 

Post # 4
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Restaurant

I think it is awesome that your mom wanted to give you her engagement ring as an investment in your own.  That being said, I can understand why your BF turned her down.  He wants this to be HIS thing, something that he gives you that is all his own.  Buying a ring for his future wife is a really special, important thing for most men, and if he doesn’t want any financial help, I think you should repect that.  You told him you don’t want anything extravagant, anyways.

Maybe your mom can still hold onto the ring and give it to you to put towards your wedding once you are engaged.

I know it’s hard to just wait it out but it seems like your BF really does want to marry you and is in the process of making that happen.  I would get some kind of timeline out of him (like summer next year, end of next year, etc.) about when he thinks it will happen.  I don’t think that is too much to ask on your part. 

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MissAEM:  Aww! Your BF makes me all warm and fuzzy. I think that’s SO sweet!

Can you put the ring money towards the wedding or the house, instead?

Post # 6
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I thin it’s very nice of your mom to have offered that. However, I totally see your BF’s point! A lot of men see financial stability as a prerequisite to the engagement because they want to be able to support their family and feel comfident that they can do it on their own and feel like a “man”. Accepting hand-outs from your future in-laws doesn’t necessarily scream “manly”. I know logically it makes sense, but emotionally I think it’s a good idea to wait until he can save the money himself and get the satisfaction of giving his wife the ring she wants. You guys seem like you have great communication together and he seems to sweet. I know it’s hard but I’d try to wait…it might not even be that long since you don’t want a super $$ ring anyway 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@MissAEM:  There are a lot of men out there who don’t like the idea of taking a family ring and re-giving it or re-setting it to their GF.  In this instance, you need to really focus on the positives here:  1)  You have a man who loves you and wants to marry you  2) He wants to be a man about it and save up for the ring that he wants you to have  3)  You two are already planning a future together by saving up for a home.

I know that it’s hard to not want it all NOW, but if you can just try and be positive about it you will save yourself and your relationship from unnecessary fights about timelines.  I am also sooo happy that I found this board, however, it didn’t stop me from being depressed the last 6 months because my mindset was completely wrong (SO and mine timelines did not match, and I was unhappy that he was making me wait!).  If you have a man who wants to marry you, just focus on that, trust that it is going to happen, and control what you can control.  At least he is open to a mossey ring, perhaps this will speed up the timeline a bit 🙂

Good Luck!!

Post # 11
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@MissAEM:  Welcome to the Hive!! I really  love How supportive this place is too! So wonderful.

Now to the gnitty gritty. Some boys are downright traditional. They feel that they have a role and an obligation to fill. And in this day an age, with all the modern movements and women wanting to be involved, who can blame them for trying to hold on to a little hit of the traditional aspect?!! 

Our story is a little bit similar(ish) When we first talked about getting engaged, both of us felt that spending a lot of money on a ring was not a practical idea for us. We’re a bit frugal, and we’re simple people. We’ve been saving hard for a house and the thought of taking a step backward on that for a ring, well that just wasn’t going to happen! My grandma gave us her old wedding bands and my mom had given us some of her precious jewelry should we want it to help pay of whatever we choose.

It was hard to bring up helping him pay for the ring and in the end, it never did happen. He was kind of okay with the idea of selling some stuff to help pay for the ring, you could tell he sort of thought it was weird but he never really balked at me (ultimate frugal people, I tell ya. We love free!) We got a couple offers on the stuff but none of t was worth giving up the sentimental vale of my mom’a jewelry, so it’s still sitting in a box.

Then we found etsy. I started to kind if browse and within a week, I found THE perfect ring. My dream ring I never knew existed. Real gold, real diamonds, and $295!! By the time we were done paying for shipping and the exchange and everything, it was less than $350.  And now it’s hiding somewhere in my house!!

The moral of the story is, both of you can have what you want!!! Let him explore his options. Explore yours too! Go have a peek at some antique etsy rings, and seriously look at the prices!! As long as you dont need a giant 1ct to on your finger (which by the sounds of it you don’t) then there’s probably something out there that is just right and comes with the right price tag attached, so he can do what he needs to do and buy it for you. I know I see a smirk on my man’s face and I’m pretty sure it makes him feel really proud that he bought and has that beautiful ring in his possession! 

And then you can tuck your moms ring away for a future child or wear it as a right hand ring. The sentimental value of having your moms ring is really sweet. I know I really enjoy having them around!

Good luck with everything, I really hope you guys get this figured out!

Post # 13
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@MissAEM:  $free.99 <–Love it!!! 

MaejeanVINTAGE is the dealer I found mine from. Almost 2,000 reviews and 100% feedback! They were a pleasure to work with, shipped our ring the same day we ordered it and it came with a little had written note! They have some really really neat affordable stuff too!

End Etsy rave haha

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