Post # 1
I’m a Waiting bee and I get so antsy sometimes because I have getting engaged on my mind so much.
I just want to talk to him about the rings I like, and I just want to ask him, “Why haven’t you proposed already?”!
Thing is, I know he’s ready, and I know it’s coming – so we have talked about this stuff to some degree. So, I it’s probably best if I just let things happen, right? But, if we want to get married this Spring/Summer (which we’ve talked about), we need to get this ball rolling, man!
I don’t even need a ring to be proposed to… I just want to make these feelings we have “official” so we can get started with the planning… I hear it’s important to book things far in advance.
How did you guys deal with the antsyness and frustration during this waiting process?
How often did you/do you bring this stuff up with your SO?
Post # 3
I never brought up anything. At all. Ever. Unless he asked or brought it up, it was never talked about. I didn’t want to be one of those women who nag their SO’s into proposing. My cousin’s ex wife did that and look where it got them…a divorce after a year because he really wasn’t ready.
But if you guys are planning a wedding for this Spring, he really should be thinking very very hard about proposing. I don’t know what I would do in you situation. Sit him and down and ask him, maybe? If you weren’t planning this wedding for so soon, I’d say let it go but this may be a good time to bring it up.
Maybe he’s waiting for the Holidays?
Post # 4
@JM1217: Thanks for your input! Yeah, he’s mentioned Christmas a few times (though I never ask him when he’s doing it, he just says “Christmas”), but sometimes I wonder why he’d tell me that – I know he wants to surprise me, so it’s strange that he’d tell me when he’s planning on proposing… makes me wonder if he’s trying to throw me off a little, which has me wondering if it could actually be coming sooner…
… and it’s driving me a little bonkers – haha!
Post # 5
My Fiance and I went through waves of discussing it and then purposely avoiding the talk. I found that talking about it often caused a lot more trouble than it was worth because we both knew it wasn’t the right time.
We ended up becoming engaged after I just let it go and decided to ride the waiting train with my mouth shut. I ended up focusing on what I really enjoyed about our relationship as it was without pushing and I am glad I did.
Post # 6
My then bf and I were always completley open about it. We just decided we were both madly in love and really happy and wanted to get married. We looked at rings, I picked one, and when he paid it off, he proposed. I really wouldn’t be able to hold my tongue about any issue that I feel strongly about. He’s my best friend and knows me inside out and when theres something I want to talk about anyway.
Post # 7
@Treejewel19: I can identify about talking about it causing more trouble that it’s worth. Although he’s totally open, I get upset at myself for bringing it up because then I feel like things are only moving forward because I brought it up (though I know he doesn’t think that way, I can’t get passed feeling like that)… I’ve done a *lot* of the planning and leg work up until this point, and I want the next steps to come from him.
… We had a conversation last night, and I realized that I just need to trust that he’s got a plan that he’ll act on when it’s time (which he says he does). It sounds like he’s got a specific time/thing in mind, so I shouldn’t try to force the issue if it’s not the time he’s planning for yet.
After all, I do want the proposal to be self-motivated and something he’s thought up himself.
Thanks, ladies. This has really helped 🙂
Post # 8
yeah, you need to chill out. seems clear he’s on the same page, something is being planned, etc. so there’s nothing to stress over! consider yourself lucky! 🙂
Post # 9
@lumos: DO NOT BRING IT UP TO HIM. My Fiance once told me that if he’s making me wait, there is a reason. And in the end, that “reason” was absolutely amazing.
Post # 10
@Dub D: Absolutely amazing INDEED! Your proposal story is epic!
I’ll keep what you said in mind – it helps: “If he’s making me wait, there’s a reason.”
That makes a lot of sense. It’s not because he doesn’t want to, but because he wants to a certain way.
You guys are awesome.
Post # 11
@lumos: I just commented on two of your other posts, I believe!! I say bring it up!! 🙂 If you are going to be together forever and talk about everything together, then do it now, as well!! How long have you two been together? As long as you ahve been together long enough to not be “rushing it” I think it’s safe to bring it up. If you haven’t been together that long, then I would wait until he brings it up!!! Let us know how it goes!! 🙂
Post # 12
@futuremrsdunc: UNLESS you have discussed it a lot recently, then give it a little bit of a rest, because boys/men get antsy haha. My bf and I went through waves of discussion, as TreeJewel said. Over the summer I definitely brought it up a lot, then we didn’t really talk about it over september, october, and this month we brought it up again… and my ring will be ready sat! yayy! hope you get yours soon!!!
Post # 13
@futuremrsdunc: Thanks for the super nice post 🙂
We’ve been together almost 8 years. We definitely talk about plans and the future, but my main concern right now is about the actual proposal – I’ve stressed a lot about wanting it to happen over the last half year (ish), and though couples definitely need to be open and have important conversations (which we do), I may want to avoid talking about getting engaged if it’s supposedly happening soon.
I don’t want to feel like I influenced when it happened – I want to feel like he took the lead on this part (since I take the lead on so many other parts and I like the idea of him working on a way to surprise me when he really wants to).
… but sometimes I just want to know! haha
— I’ll definitely post with progress! 😀
Post # 14
We talked about it often, and many of those conversations were not pleasant 🙁 I’m not proud of that, but I completely understand the frustration of waiting. In my situation, I moved from MI to PA with Darling Husband (my bf at the time), and although we moved with the understanding that were were going to spend the rest of our life together, I still wanted the committment to be official. Anyway, he proposed a little over 2 years after we moved. So I had to be really patient! My advice would be to try and avoid bringing it up all the time… if you have those days when it’s all you can think about, make a plan with a girlfriend and vent to her… spend some time alone, write about it… anything to avoid bringing it up all the time or picking fights. Just wanted to say I’ve been there and I know how hard it is!
Post # 15
Ive learned from my Fiance, guys DO NOT LIKE TO BE BUGGED. Let it go, focus on other things, like work,school, saving for your fututre wedding,etc., dont let this possible engagement take over your life. It will happen when its meant to happen.
Im sure he will be thrilled if you stopped bugging him about it. Your going to drive him nuts if you dont. lol
Post # 16
Thanks MCC919 and Earlybride – I agree that it’s important to avoid being incessant about this sort of thing… I appreciate your words of experience and encouragement to stay “strong”. It’s nice to know other gals have gone through the same thing and it’s good to hear everyone’s perspective.