Post # 1
So I’ve been silently stalking the forums for a few weeks and decided to sign up today and post myself for the first time.
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years and have known each other much longer. I know that the proposal is coming soon (he’s outright told me that he has a plan and I am starting to suspect that if he hasn’t bought the ring already, then he will be buying it soon). I just don’t know when it will be and the waiting is torture!
I figured I would post, and see how many others are in the same or similar situations. How are you guys coping with the wait?
Post # 2
Someone told me, ‘waiting is inevitable but waiting well is optional’. You’ve been assured it’s coming so focus on other things instead. Occupy and take captive of your mind.
Post # 3
becks90 : That’s a really good saying. I do try to wait well, but sometimes are harder than others. I think it’s just got bad at the moment as I know of someone who died quite young with no apparent health issues so it’s kind of struck home the whole “life is short” thing.
Post # 4
*raises hand* Yep, similar situation!
My BF has the ring and I’ve seen it and I’ve even tried it on for ~3 seconds (he wanted to make sure it fit so the proposal goes “perfectly” lol – he said it would suck to go to put the ring on and it doesn’t go on from being too small or it falls off from being too loose)
So I know it’s ~COMING SOON~ but right now 3 days of waiting can literally feel like a month 😩
His relative also passed away very recently who was way too young to go (33) and seeing all of that happen and how her husband is handling her passing has also made us very anxious to grab life by the horns and get engaged. But we also agree that the wait is necessary right now for us to take the time to mourn and additionally disassociate our engagement from his family’s current tragedy :/
(Doesn’t make waiting any easier though…)
Anyway before the whole ring thing, I WAS coping by just throwing myself into my hobbies and daily life with the knowledge that “it’ll happen when it happens” but now that I know it could be next month or two months or three from now…I’m coping by obsessing over wedding stuff and researching venues and details and – well – browsing this forum A LOT. That’s not really “coping” though lol!
Post # 5
sabpie : oh my goodness! To have tried on the ring and then have it taken away again, how cruel! The only thing I know about my ring is that it will be white gold as that’s the only real request that I had for it. Beyond that he has amazing taste in jewellery so he’s been left to it. I’m trying desperately not too look at engagement rings too much as I don’t want to find a style I love and then not get it. I’d rather just fall in love with whatever it is he’s bought me, because he’s bought it for me.
Last December he joked that he wished he could wait until next Christmas because the rings would be so much cheaper but he didn’t think he could wait that long. So I’ve known it was going to happen at some point this year and the wait is awful as valentine’s Day passed, and my birthday, and then our holiday. He’s told me more recently that he has a plan, and our anniversary is in August so I’m hopeful for then, but I don’t want to get my hopes up too high in case it doesn’t happen either.
The person we know of who died was in his mid 30s as well and it really does just make you want to get on with things for fear of running out of time. Having it be a relative must be really hard for you guys, and waiting for a bit before getting engaged does sound like a good idea, no matter how hard it is.
I haven’t looked into Venues too much as we haven’t decided whether we’re going for a religious or civil ceremony. (He wants religious but the two church weddings I’ve been involved with made me uncomfortable so it’s going to be one of the awkward aspects of planning.) I have been browsing this forum loads though getting ideas on all sorts of things.
Post # 6
jezamor : So, FI has my ring stashed somewhere. We went to the jeweler together to buy the setting, consulted extensively about the center stone, I found the jeweler who’ll set the ring AND we’ve set a date.
TECHNICALLY, we’re still not engaged. He hasn’t officially proposed and wants to surprise me. Which I find HILARIOUS.
So, my best suggestion is Pinterest. Seriously. Don’t worry too much about the specific civil vs religious ceremony stuff, but look at ideas and start to narrow down what things appeal to you. Vanues, themes, color schemes, gowns… I’ve come across great ideas I would never have come up with on my own, and have found the whole process wildly entertaining in the meantime.
Also, I’d recommend some kind of fitness/wellness goal to set yourself for the wedding. Even if you are in great shape and have a good routine underway, a plan to take extra good care of yourself will give you something other than waiting to focus on. Plus exercise or mindfulness are great ways to cope with the stress of wedding planning, and can help you feel calmer and more focused in the exciting days ahead.
Try not to let anticipation be the thief of joy. This is a beautiful thing on your horizon; let patience sweeten the moment all the more.
Post # 7
jezamor : Haha, yeah I’m just constantly thinking about the ring/proposal/engagement now after trying on the ring! It’s so gorgeous, my anticipation to wear it for forever is through the roof now!
Our anniversary is also in August! Good luck to both of us for a proposal in the next month, eh? 😉
Also, I agree with teamroro! I don’t know about worrying about civil vs religious ceremony/venue and specifics like that at the moment, but there will be time to compromise after the proposal. As for me, I’m all about just browsing around what could potentially be both affordable AND appeals to me. Like after all my research thus far, I can safely conclude that my ideal place for a vanue/reception would be a botanical garden or atrium with LOTS of windows and greenery if at all possible for us once the REAL planning begins. Narrowing it all down and nitpicking specific places with my SO can come later though. Right now is like a fun frenzy of pinning posts on Pinterest and taking down notes of places/websites/ideas to consider without worry about logistics (like I just found out about cocomelody .com today and I’m definitely thinking I’ll check them out for a wedding dress in the future!) It’s a fun way just to pre-pre-pre-prepare for wedding planning without a lot of stress.
I second the fitness thing too! I just recently started working out consistently and doing hot yoga for pretty much like the first time in my life in the last couple months (lol) and going to a class definitely relaxes me and takes away some of the waiting anxiety/jitters at least for a little while. Bonus is that my mood has ridiculously improved and I’m losing weight for future engagement photos 😉
Post # 8
teamroro : I had completely forgotten about Pinterest! My phone screwed up awhile ago and I’m still trying to remember all the apps I had lost.
It’s nice to hear on here that there are other couples who aren’t being completely traditional about their engagement – as in not really discussing anything until after the question is popped. We’ve already decided on a few elements (rough colour scheme, sit down meal rather than buffet, professional photographer is a must have), though we haven’t set a date like you guys, haha! Still, if it’s what works for you guys, that’s awesome!
I have started trying to get healthy recently. If I can loose half a stone to a stone in weigh that’d be great, but I’m mostly concentrating on trying to eat better and exercise more. I could quite happily walk down the aisle at my current weight but it’d be nice if I could dance for more than 3 songs before needing a break.
I’ve agreed to consider a church ceremony and he’s happy to have a civil one if I’m not comfortable with it, so I’m not worrying too much, it just kind of dictates venues as the only places allowed to hold weddings anywhere local are churches, hotels and the registry office.
sabpie : a garden or atrium sound like they would be amazing though! I could just imagine how beautiful the pictures would be, even if it was raining outside, all that gorgeous colour would be so beautiful.
Fingers crossed for us both on an August engagement. An anniversary does seem like a really good time to propose.
Post # 9
jezamor : life is definitely too short. Fitness does take your mind off waiting. I’m now hoping for August proposal too because he hasn’t yet paid final instalment on the ring so it won’t be ready for anniversary which is this Friday. I’m excited for you.
Post # 10
Wow! What an exciting time for all of you. I think I would go nuts knowing he has / will have the ring haha. I am in a slightly different but same situation. I am waiting but we haven’t looked at rings or discussed anything about when a proposal will be coming. And of course its hard when big holidays or anniversaries come up to not get your hopes up.
I am basically just trying to better myself in the mean time and keep my life chugging along. I don’t really know where he is at in his life timeline but for now I am going to leave him be until after our Cuba trip in 4 months. My main concentrations are going to be losing weight (I have quite a bit to lose) and picking out a few super cute bathing suits! 😛 Sometime after Cuba though, I will ask if he has thought about getting engaged and when I am not just sitting in limbo while he thinks about other things.
Post # 11
Bee I’m in a similar boat. Just focus on other things and start trying to prepare yourself mentally for marriage as much as you can. Think about what areas you want to work on in your relationship and start putting it into action so you start off on the right foot.
Post # 12
In the same waiting boat. I pretty much focus on my side hobbies to keep me busy, I also like to plan future travels with the SO. Its nice to have things to look foward to and get excited about 🙂
Post # 13
In the same boat. My bf just got my e-ring about 2 weeks ago and I just can’t wait for the proposal! Normally I like surprises but in this case I want to know when he is planning to propose but he won’t tell me & normally he is terrible at keeping surprises. He keeps telling me how beautiful the ring came out which makes the wait even harder! He wanted to show it to me but I said I don’t want to see it unless he is officially proposing, lol. He said he already has planned when he is going to ask me. I tried to get him to give me a hint of the date range & he just said within the next 5 months. I am hoping it’s soon & we have a tripped planned in a month & a half to visit his family so I been wondering if that is when he is planning to do it. I hope so but even that feels like forever, lol. Since I know it is coming soon I been browsing online at dresses & wedding related things. I watch a lot of say yes to the dress, which I never used to watch before, lol. Also, been browsing the bee a lot & discovered I am not alone in the big wait. Nice to chat with fellow bees in the same boat and share experiences 🙂
Post # 14
Ive been waiting since we browsed rings together more than 2 years ago. It’s been really hard waiting but it does get easier. The hardest days are when special occasions come around and my hopes get lifted… when nothing happens, that’s when it hurts a lot. We have annual planned vacations and one’s coming up soon. I hope it’s happening then. But then, I’m trying so hard to not think about it!
Post # 15
becks90 : it’s a shame it won’t be ready for your anniversary but at least you know ahead of time so you don’t get your hopes up. And I hope you have an amazing day tomorrow anyway.
jeshicat : that early point where you know it’s going to happen, but have no idea of the timeline is really rough. My boyfriend and I have pretty much known we were going to get married since our first anniversary but we really wanted to live together first. Between health issues and finances that only happened last year and it wasn’t until Christmas that I had any real idea of a timeline. Sounds like having a chat to him after your holiday is a good idea if it hasn’t come up naturally before then.
greybee : hobbies definitely help. Though given how busy we’ve been this week I’m actually quite grateful I’m not engaged yet. Trying to plan a wedding on top of everything else at the moment would be maddening.
kindnessisfree : I love having things to look forward to. At the moment I’m trying to focus on our trip to London in August. Got anywhere planned soon?