Post # 1
I have been waiting now for a year. I have been ready for a year just waiting for him to catch up. He’s 16 years my senior so you would think he would have reached that point before me but he hasn’t. Neither of us have ever been married and I think I may have made the mistake of moving in. We have lived together for 1 1/2 years have joint bank accounts and everything. Our finances are great the house is paid for all the cars are paid for. He owns his own buisness that is very succesful and I run a daycare in our house. I cook, clean, do the laundry everything a good housewife does and I LOVE it. But waiting is driving me flipping crazy. A year ago I briefly brought up marriage nothing to specific just I wasn’t willing to wait 5+ years for a proposal he said he wouldn’t make me wait that long. Now a year later with no marriage talk in between I asked if he thought he would marry me someday he said yes then I asked how close he thought he was to being ready for that. If it was in the near future or if he was still aways away. He just said “You’ll have to wait and see” now at first I was excited because I took it as it’s soon but then the more I think about it and he is such a straight forward guy maybe he has no clue. I really want a timeline but don’t want him to feel pressured. I just want to know where he stands in all of this and what his thoughts are. Is it ok for me to bring up marriage again or should I just let it go for a few months?
Post # 3
@MarryMeTiffany: Not to be a downer, but if you guys are already living as though you are married, why would he feel the extra motivation to complicate things by making it legal? He has the security of enjoying the “married” life with the knowledge that he could walk away at any time without a messy divorce. Hopefully if he’s serious about making a life with you he won’t make you wait much longer.
Post # 4
@MarryMeTiffany: I agree with KatyElle. If he is dragging his feet this long, at his age, then maybe he will continue to. You need to have serious talk with him about this
Post # 5
@MarryMeTiffany: I have a different view point… I think if he’s said he will marry you, and “you’ll just have to wait and see” when… I think he’s planning a proposal!
I’d give him a few months… maybe see what happens… hopefully something sparkly will be on your finger soon!
Post # 6
I’m in a very similar position and I think it could be either scenario. I think men get lazy. Have you ever heard the expression ‘why buy the cow if you’re already getting the milk’….it’s something i’m worried about too. I think the motivation has to come from him, in his own (albeit reasonable) time so maybe leave it a little longer then tell him seriously how important it is to you and that he needs to be honest about whether he is going to act on this or not.
Hope this helps. Hopefully he’s planning it already!!
Post # 7
Call me crazy, but I don’t really buy into the “maybe he’s going to surprise you!” thing. Sure it happens, but really not as often as we convince ourselves it does. If he knows marriage is important to you and you guys have an already intertwined life, “You’ll have to wait and see” just doesn’t cut it anymore. A serious discussion about future goals is in order, especially given the big age difference.
Post # 8
@MarryMeTiffany: Well since he said that he “thinks” he will marry you I that means that he is planning to ask you. Start by waiting until the next big event in your life like your b-day or a holiday to see if maybe he does it then(but don’t let it rewen your day if he doesn’t). I do think that you should not be living together. You need to make him miss you, make him want to be able to see you everyday. If he doesn’t pop the question really soon then I think that you should move out.
Post # 9
I agree that a discussion needs to happen. It’s hard for a guy to read your mind, and though he may have figured out by now that you do want to get married, talking with him about it would clue him in as to how serious you are about it. I find it difficult to get mad at someone for not doing something you want them to do…but you haven’t told them you want them to do it. You know what they say when you assume….
Post # 10
@ticatica: Yes, I know the expression, just all the men I know aren’t like that. My father married my mother after 7 years together, even though they were living together, my brother married his wife after about 6 years – including one year living together etc. My SO wants to get married as well, even though we’ve lived together for 3 years (together for 4 1/2), we’re just waiting on immigration papers and for me to get a bit older (I turn 22 this fall, but my family typically waits to get married until we’re older).
I hope all your guys are planning surprises for you. I love to be the optimist 🙂
Post # 11
I would have a serious heart to heart with him about his intentions. I agree with the other posters that sometimes men don’t really give much thought to marriage when its as if you are already married b/c you have a home and life together. That’s not fair to you though. 🙁
Post # 12
It’s not pressuring him to have a talk about your lives together and where he sees this going/when. Ask him for a timeline rather than setting one yourself.