Post # 1
I really wasn’t sure whether or not to post this but I’m just feeling like I really need some support and you ladies seem so great. I have been with my SO for almost 5 years now and we both know that we will be getting engaged sometime in the next year or two. We are both students so we need to make sure the timing is right. I have been having a tough time waiting for a while now, but earlier this week i found out that my grandfather is not doing well health-wise. The thought of him, or other family members not being at the wedding is just so upsetting to me and makes waiting that much more difficult 🙁 Has any one else felt like this?
Post # 3
@Classique: My grandmother’s heart is only running at 16% and she has to go have surgery soon to fix her pacemaker because it stopped working correctly. It terrifies me that she might not be able to even see us get engaged, let alone be at the wedding.
I know exactly how you feel, SO and I have been together for two years and I was really hoping/thinking on a ring for our anniversery but oh well. We’re shooting for sometime in the spring.
Post # 4
I’ve had these same thoughts. My grandmother is 86, and although she is in good health, I know that when you are older that small health problems can suddenly become life or death situations. Not only that, but what if a close family member were in an accident or something like that? It makes it hard to think about.
Post # 5
Im in the same position…!
Mom told me her father(my grandpa) started saying he doesn’t know if he will be able to make it for my wedding. I am obviously waiting so my wedding is not set or anything. It is heartbreaking! I never thought he would say something like that and never thought his health condition started to drop like this. I kind of feel like if he can be there when I get married I don’t see the point of having a wedding at all.
I am hoping he will stay healthy for at least another 3-5 years…
Post # 6
@Classique: I´M SORRY about your grandfather´s health. =( I´m also a waiting bee and have been with my Boyfriend or Best Friend 3 years. I would have wanted to get married or at least engaged last year when 2 of my grandparents were still alive. Now i have no grandparents. Not from my mom´s side, nor my dads. So my grandparents never got to know who the man of my life would be.
It´s amazing how life goes by so quickly, and amazing how one year can make a difference so great in one´s life. But hey, the good news is that your grandfather is still very alive, and there is a great possibility that he might get better. Enjoy him while you have him, every moment is precious. And remember that for EVERYONE, NOT JUST older people, NOW is ALL WE have.
Post # 7
Ah I know this well. I was hoping both of my Grandmothers would be at my future wedding. Sadly My Dad’s Mom passed away before I met SO, and now my Mom’s Mom is 91, living in a Nursing Home and might not be physically allowed to leave the building for a social visit (She’s had pneumonia, walking trouble, etc) I want SO to hurry up and propose so we can get married and have Grandma there, maybe even get a photo of our future child with their Great Grandmother… but who knows how long we have left with her.
Post # 8
I feel the same. But am comforted by the fact that they have both met him. My maternal grandad will be 91 in January and he even said to my mum that he’s “been alive to long”. Makes me so sad. I make sure I see them as much as I can, I hope they’re around a little while longer. 🙂
Post # 9
@Classique: I understand how you are feeling. Over the last several years my grandpa has had every cancer you can imagine, stomach ulcers, etc. My other grandpa cannot fly anymore because of medical issues that are messed up with air pressure changes. I ended up talking to my mom about it a year ago when my SO and I were not near marriage yet and she said that no matter what happens, know that my grandpas would both be happy with who I choose to be with, regardless if they are alive or can be there. I knew that was true and that made me happy. A few months ago I ended up telling my grandpa’s all about my SO, what we are planning for our future, etc, and having their blessing with that I felt better. That all being said I know my SO is going to propose this weekend, so I am going to push for a summer wedding (6 months, am I crazy!?) to try and have them there.
Is there any way that you can discuss your SO with your grandparents and tell them about him and get a “future blessing”. Maybe have a candid talk about how you are planning on marrying him one day and you two are waiting for school to be done and see if you can get their blessing in advance.
Post # 10
Oh yes definately, my only living grandma (and the one who means the most to me) had a few bouts of ill health lately, my only wish is that she will be around for my wedding which my SO keeps telling me will be in the next year, and I am starting to resent my SO for not just getting on with it, because if she wasn’t around I may end up blaming him for procrastinating.. :/
Post # 11
i feel the same way. I fell that his procrastination means my grandparents won’t be at the wedding, or able to enjoy it with every passing year. i know i will resent him if his stalling means they are not there. i have told him this and he promises they will be at the wedding, but how can he do that when he hasn’t even proposed yet or set a timeline?
Post # 12
I’m sorry you are going through this. My grandmother was 88 when she passed last December, 3 days before Christmas. This proposal will be bittersweet but I know she’s looking down on us both. I don’t blame my SO for waiting to propose, for whatever reason, but I am so happy that she met and approved of him. I know that she wanted us to be together and that’s what matters.
Post # 13
I’m sorry, I feel like that sometimes too. My great-grandma is 93 and is slowly declining physically and mentally. And my grandpa has had a few different types of cancer over the past few years but luckily he’s doing better.
Post # 14
I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather. I understand how you feel and went through this myself. My dad had a heart transplant but ended up passing a few months later with complications. During the entire time he had talked about wanting to walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding (he had even talk to my mister about it about a month before he passed away) and his doctors and nurses thought I was already engaged! But, unbeknownst to me, my mom had asked him if he wanted her to talk to my mister about moving the engagement up so my dad could be there but he refused. He didn’t want us to get married under those circumstances and that he wanted us to be happy.
So knowing that I will eventually get married without my dad is heartbreaking but we had to do what was right for us. We weren’t in a position where we could have gotten married earlier and we would have ended up struggling because of it. Thankfully he saw and understood that. Sometimes I think I would have been a bit sadder to see pictures or video of him not looking his best forever memorialized in our wedding pictures. It would have been tough to look at.
Like another bee said, knowing that he loved and approved of my mister means the world for me.
Post # 15
Thanks for everyone’s kind wishes and advice. I am hoping my grandpa will be alright and it is helpful to hear that others have felt the same way I am feeling.
I am lucky that both my grandparents have met my SO and really adore him and I’ll try to hold onto that during these difficult times. Thanks again ladies