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you are doing the right thing, i am doing lots of things for my wedding , even when i have a wedding planner :), i want to pick everything myself. i am doing lots of projects and into every detail.
I mostly daydream and browse options online. I know that when the planning begins, he would want to be a part of all decisions so I can't really move further. I have though contacted a few venues because I was curious about pricing and didn't want to bother dreaming about them if they were out of our range.
I've been browsing rings, dresses, venues, etc. since June! haha! Anything wedding related, I'm addicted to! I don't even have a ring! Although we are going ring shopping at the end of the month EEEKKK!!! And SO has agreed to visit a possible venue on MONDAY! Wahoo! We've been talking marriage for some time now.....hopefully things get rolling soon! I feel bad planning because nobody really knows it going to happen yet! (I'm waiting on the ring)
We have been actively planning because venues book up quick. I don't have a ring, but we have a venue booked for our date and I'v been writing our ceremony.
Let's see, I'm hyper-organized when it comes to our wedding so here's what I've done.
Venue - nailed down the DW location/lodging, contacted to find out prices; found and recorded prices for our hometown reception venue as well.
Budget - made up a projected budget as well as an 'actual' budget for both DW ceremony and home town reception
Invitations - Purchased DIY invitation kits/all paper, including guest book
Dress - Picked out the dress but haven't tried it on yet (I have some options as far as shape/skirt/neckline, etc.)
BM Dresses - picked out a style that my sisters approved of years ago
His Suit - picked out a style that will work on the beach and that he likes
Guest List - Made up my side and most of his
Menues - Made up three to four sample menus for both DW and Reception
Flowers, Decor, Hair, Shoes, etc. - Separate files for images of each on my computer. Favorite websites are bookmarked in the 'W' folder.
Odds and Ends - I've been researching music for the ceremony and thinking about our reception play list. I've started investigating passages for readings. I've been practicing my calligraphy for the invitation addresses.
I have our theme (eyelet and sand dollars/starfish), our venues, our date, EVERYTHING picked out. He just has to ask. He's aware of all of this too. When we opened up the invitiation kits I looked at him and said, "Now you just have to ask!"
I have pretty much done everything minus venues and guestlist because those are things that are ever changing...I'm actually surprised my SO is all for pre-planning. He said he really loved the idea of me picking things out for our wedding he's very sweet. It doesn't hurt anyone and keeps me busy when I don't feel like thinking about law school apps. and waiting on my LSAT score. lol
I was talking to my boss today and she is newly-engaged. She told me that gatering information while she was waiting was one of the best things that she has done because she can plan her wedding now stress free. I have looked a rings, dresses, and venues I have not contacted anyone yet.
@Miss Tattoo: I didn't think venue's in Pittsburgh would be booking for 2012 yet. Mr. Pens better get a move on it!!! Ohh yeah did you go to the Zombiefest? We did, we had a great time. Mr. Pens was Zombie Jesus and I was his Zombie catholic school girl.
Im married now but was with my DH for 2.5 years before we got enaged and the only "re-planning" i did was "hinting" at him to propose soon.
Am i the only bride who just sat and waited impatiently? My friend who was dating a buy for 6 years started planning her wedding, she had the ring and dress picked out, venue, colours, invites, EVERYTHING. She even had a wedding album on facebook with all her ideas. I thought she was CRAZY (no offence ladies)....she is single now...never got the ring...and i think she is pretty dang embarassed. 
It's one thing to pre-plan its a completely different scenario when you just go plain crazy and then on top of that bother the guy about details. No guy wants to hear even ones where weddings are actually happening about details 24hours a day. A little planning or browsing hurts no one when its done in moderation and not losing sight of what your current situation is. I would be pretty embarassed too if I told everyone on facebook or had an album of inspiration stuff that's just wayyyyy overboard. Me having a couple of ideas or whatever with my guy knowing and not being squimish about it is cool. There certainly needs to be a balance.
@Baileyh: Nope, you're not the only one. I even gave the wedding mags a wide berth in the stores 'cause I didn't want to jinx it. ;)
@Baileyh: Well, posting it on Facebook without a proposal is pretty brazen and I would admit, a bit crazy. I have everything planned but SO is the only one who knows. My immediate family know we're planning to do a DW and I ran the dresses by my sisters ages ago because, well, they're my sisters. Other than that, no one knows that i have it all planned and no one except my fellow bees know that my ring is on its way. We've been together for 4 years, talking about marriage for at least 2 so I don't think it's crazy to pre-plan. It's one thing to pre-plan, it's quite another to broadcast it to everyone before you have a groom.
I've looked at dresses, hairstyles, venues, invites, and rings. I try not to decide on anything, because the bf doesn't want to plan anything until we are officially engaged. It is hard not to look though! I try to save some of my favorite things because we are planning on having a short (6 month) engagement and I'd like to have a head start. I did show him a dress that I found and really liked-and he liked it too! So thats a a start. I don't think it hurts just to gather ideas.
I admit that what she did was pretty brazen, and in hindsigh foolish, but she had picked a ring out and her ex-FH had told her had had been putting money on it on layaway (turns out that was a lie...) either way..the ring was there when she started the planning....she bought the wedding dress and FH was on board etc.
Lets just put it this way..i FOUND TEH RECEIPT for my ring before my DH proposed and i still didnt plan anything. I guess maybe i just felt like it was taking away from teh moment when i DID ACTUALLY get engaged and can scream it from the mountain tops....whats the fun in being sneaky planning opr showing people stuff for something that 'might" not actually happen? To me, it just seems so.......risky.....
@Baileyh: Totally agree that's why you shouldn't broadcast things. But if no one knows except for that person acctually doing it then not big deal. Definitely doesn't take away from experience. I know that when I get the ring I will be extremely excited regardless.
Yep, I'm pretty sure I'll wet my pants in excitement just like anyone else. I am, however, looking forward to having the big stuff nailed down and enjoying my engagement with less stress!
@LetsGoPens: That's music to my ears that someone engaged strongly endorses pre-planning.
I'm with the thinking of @Chipmunk that pre-planning doesn't do any harm as long as you (I) keep perspective on the relationship. I feel like it will take away some of the urgency of planning. If I have different scenarios mapped out, all that's left is to visit in person together and choose.
I have everything planned in my head. Both J and I know where we want to get married and have the reception... It's just a matter of getting that ring on my finger!
- I've got my dress already (from a previous engagement. I love it and would never give it up. It's big and poofy, hahaha).
- I picked out a ring and have shown J. He just needs to buy it.
- We've pretty much planned my wedding shower, engagement party, and stag & doe.
- We've talked about reserving hotel rooms for J's out of town family, as well as transportation for everyone, including us.
- I know what flowers I want to carry, how my hair will be, what my bridesmaids will wear and what flowers they will be holding.
- I have all the music picked out (in my head, of course) for when I walk down the aisle, etc.
- The reception hall provides the dinner menu, so it's just a matter of picking out what we want. J and I have already talked about having some catering (finger foods) come to the carriage house beside the ceremony location because he's got out of town relatives and we don't really know what to do with them while we get photo's taken! So we'll give them some food and drinks, lol. Oh, and our photo's will be taken at the ceremony location.
I could go on and on. The only thing we don't have are the dates for everything. Guess that comes after the ring.
Gwen.
I would like to know prices, but I can't call people yet. Wish I had the balls to though.LOL So far, I have:
1. Where to get the invites and the type I want: he doesn't care about those OR the STDs. Yah!LMAO
2. My dress- I just know I want a Maggie and I have the style picked out.
3. Colors- We both agreed on this because he had a huge say in this and suprisingly he has NOT changed his mind.lol
4. Guest list- I have a binder with forms and sheet and I'm just waiting to actually use it besides using just the guest list.
5. Honeymoon- St.Thomas or the Dominican Republic
I haven't planned anything, except maybe a bit of day dreaming as to what the ideal wedding would be!
One reason I am waiting though is finances, so I have been looking around at venue prices and making a short list of ones that are more affordable but still fit within what the boy has in mind. (He is the one that wants a more traditional wedding)
I also recently made a guest list... we were doing the numbers in our head and we were thinking it was going to be 150+, but it is really likely to be around 120. That helped, as it is less money to save!
@MsMamaBear: Oooh! I forgot about the honeymoon! J and I want to start in Italy and tour Tuscany. After that, we'll fly to Paris, then take the train to England.
GVD
I've looked into venues, wedding colors, guest list etc.. I just have ideas of what I want my wedding to look like. I did find my dream venue at an amazing price but nothing is booked. My SO knows I have everything planned already and is ok with that. Although we have a couple more years before we get married. I guess I'm making up for lost time I never dreamed about my wedding when I was little. Although I've never gone as far as to book anything or post wedding boards on facebook that's a little too much for me. When it's time to actually book things I just want to be able to sit back and relax. My SO also knows the ring that I want I just hope he gets it for me one day.
I totally bought my dress before we got engaged. It's definitely smart to at least research before you get the ring! Now that I'm actually planning, all the research I did before we got engaged is definitely paying off in spades.
Gwen- I think about the honeymoon as much as the wedding! Italy sounds great! *sigh* ONE day!
I'm not waiting any more, but I was an active member when I was, so I'll answer anyways.
We had already decided on a date before we were engaged, and although we ended up changing our date, I had researched mainly what was important to me, and for some of them I contacted the top picks for pricing and availability. I thought they would think I was crazy, but some of them even told me I was smart to contact prior to, since you never really know how much time you will have for your engagement.
We've looked at rings together twice. The last time we went to see rings was actually a week ago today and I picked out two settings I liked. We checked out a venue about 3 weeks ago and we are going this weekend to leave a deposit for November 5, 2011 
I'm just waiting for him to propose and hopefully it will be in the next few weeks. I'm so excited!!!!!
I've been off work for 7 weeks on sick leave so you could say I've done my fair share of browsing lol.
Ive got it figured out in my head but havent book anything. Im have though made contact about an engagement party and have book with all my ideas for the wedding down (and BF knows about the book - we had a massive talk the other night and Im very glad we are on the same page - botanical gardens marquee cater band formal dress code (otherwise half of his fam will show up in jeans etc!!)). I cant wait for it to be out in public knowledge cos I am justing hanging to talk to BF about it in more detail and start organising everything!!
I have everything pretty much planned in my head and on paper. Lots of printouts that I keep in a binder.
We know our date. I have a budget spreadsheet. We're having a DW so I have narrowed the venue down to three (but pretty set on one). I know the officiant, photographer, and musicians I want to use and have received proposals/quotes. So I just need to book (which I WILL NOT do until I get the ring). I need to find a videographer but that's pretty much it. I've picked my style of dress that I want and printed those examples out. I just haven't tried any on (which I WILL NOT do until I get the ring). I have also printed my hairstyles. I need to find makeup/hair stylist at the destination. I know what colors I want. I have started our wedding website just need to finalize it by inputing the details (venue, date, time, etc). I have our save the dates drafted online and saved in my "wish list". I just need to confirm the date, enter our website information, and order.
My BF isn't big on planning stuff. He would rather me do all the redundant stuff and let him input on the final 3 or so choices. He doesn't care about colors, etc.
I will wait on him to figure out his ceremony attire. Plus we still have to plan our at home reception so we will do that together. I've researched a few venues for that too. But I won't visit any until we go together.
We've been together for 3 1/2 years. We've gone ring shopping and found the ring. I want a Summer 2011 wedding. He knows and understands that anything later will not be acceptable. Therefore he understands my preplanning since "our date" is only about 8 months away.
Oh yeah Honeymoon planned too!!!!
I've been fantasizing more than planning. I've thought about just about every aspect of the wedding, and I do have an inspiration folder on my computer with links to ideas I thought were cool (so I can find them when we finally do get engaged), but I have made no official decisions, bought nothing, looked at nothing in person....basically I've let it stay in my obsessive fantasy world 
I know SO would be kind of frustrated with me/probably weirded out if we got engaged and I was like "Oh, btw, I have our entire wedding planned already." He'll want to be involved in the process.
My SO and I have been talking about getting married for over a year. I know he's been saving to buy my ring outright... and I also know it's coming in the near future. So my "obsession" with pre-planning started long before I discovered the bee. Now that I'm on here everyday, I have certainly taken it to the next level. And strangely my SO likes it. He loves that I've already got a running list of vendors, dresses, flowers, etc. etc. Tomorrow I'm planning on going to a bridal expo. This will be my first venture out where I'll actually be able to speak with vendors etc. Other than just attending the expo, and being on the bee, all I really do is look at pictures and websites and bookmark everything. I really do think over the last several months I've gone from changing my mind on things every week to starting to solidify what I really like and may want. So I think a little planning is harmless. Just don't let yourself get too out of control. If all you did was contact a vendor to ask about pricing, that's no biggie. You need to be a realist sometimes when dreaming... that way you can dream about things you'll eventually be able to afford when the time really comes!
I have done a pretty good amount of researching and a bit of preplanning. My SO hates "looking for things"; he couldn't stand the process of buying a couch or his SUV. Going to open houses about sends him over the edge. With that in mind, I've spent some online time looking into local and other possible venues that would fit into a small budget so when the time comes to pick one he will have a very small amount of "looking for" a venue. Or at least that is what I tell myself.
Of course I also spent time drooling over amazing photographers, no floral decor and dresses
I've mostly just drooled over rings and dresses... but mostly rings. I have looked at a couple venue websites, just to get a feel for the different options, though I doubt we would use any of the ones I looked at. I've thought about the guest list and have definitely daydreamed about a couple color combos.
I'd say I am in the same catagory as many of you above. We have had multiple (many!) discussions about weddings. He knows what I want ring-wise, and since he is a real people-pleaser and bought something I didn't love for a major jewlery purcahse he bought for me a few years ago (because the salesperson talked him into it), he knows I want to see the ring before it is purchased.
We went to a wedding a few weeks ago and we spent the entire reception talking about the choices they had made and what we loved and what wouldn't work for us. The people next to me asked how long we had been engaged! I was embarassed and we both shut up then.
I have basically limited my pre-planning to reading the Bee and APW, bookmarking likely venues when someone mentions them and thinking ahead about what would make sense for us, and fit our personalities. I do have a whole bookmarks folder he could find if he really looked, but I doubt he will dig through my nexted folders. ;)
And of course looking at dresses, rings, centerpieces, and thinking hard about budgets since I will probably fund most of the wedding. (He has Big Ideas on how much to spend on a ring - we are older and have good jobs - and if he is spending all that much, I think I should spend something similar on the wedding without him draining his savings further).
Affiné
I did a lot of preplanning. I picked out colors (and changed my mind three times before the ring, but thankfully no times since), venues, bridal party and attire, centerpieces, menu, brainstormed invites, and... bought a dress.
@MissSawyer: Gah. I was on bed rest for 6 weeks about a month after my parents told me that he'd asked for my hand. I did tooooons of preplanning then.
Hmm ... well we chose a date, have booked the ceremony venue and officiant (our church and my stepdad - he's an episcopal priest), have booked the reception venue (the AMAZING french restaurant where I work), the ring is picked out and as far as I know purchased ... we have the wedding party essentially nailed down. My mom and stepdad are gifting us our honeymoon and my dad is graciously paying for our wedding photographer (he is a wedding photographer by profession but flat out refused to shoot my wedding lol).
So the big stuff is all nailed down I guess - the details trouble me more because while I am detail oriented I unfortunately haven't been picturing "the big day" since I was a little girl so I don't have any leads LOL - all I know is the wedding is in the fall, fall is my favorite season soooo I guess the wedding will be autumnal?
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Lately I've spend a good portion of my days silently planning a wedding. Along with the very common actions of watching Say Yes to the Dress and drooling over rings, I've progressed to making spreadsheets for different 'levels' of weddings to fit unknown budget constraints. Yesterday I sent an email to ask about catering service charges...When I got the reply congratulating me I felt more ridiculous than usual.
What about you?