Post # 1
hello fellow waiting bees,
after lurking for about six months, i finally decided to take the plunge and create a wedding bee profile.
my SO and i have been together for 4.5 years. the first three and a half years we were long distance (1.5 years 3000 miles apart/2 years 100 miles apart) and we have lived together for the past year (thank goodness). he is amazing. he’s my best friend. i love him more than i could ever say. i can’t imagine my life without him. yada, yada, he needs to propose already. i’m 33 and i can hear that clock loud and clear.
we have discussed marriage. he says we will get married next year. he also says we will have children next year. but when i ask him for a timeline, he says “i don’t know.” not wanting to be a pushy bee, i broached the subject a couple of more times months apart. but i always get the same answer…”i don’t know.” in between those conversations we have attended a crazy amount of weddings (7+ this year alone)…and i tried to pretend (unsuccessfully) like these beautiful ceremonies weren’t ripping me apart. at one wedding, i pretended that my tears were tears of joy. at another wedding, i politely excused myself and bawled in the bathroom. serously bawled. at the last wedding i was completely numb. no tears, no nothing. i am also becoming extremely sensitive to people asking “soooo, when are you two tying the knot?” i don’t even want to attend another wedding for fear of that question. i feel so unstable sometimes.
the only bright side of my instability is reading posts on the “waiting” board. you ladies sure know how to normalize my crazy. so, thank you to all of those that took the time to share their feelings.
Post # 3
Awe welcome 🙂 I am in a friends wedding party and the wedding is Sept 1 .. I am not sure I will make it through with out a little tear either
Post # 4
@Seashells7: thank you for the warm welcome and good luck on 9/1. if you are in the wedding party, then he or she must be a close friend. so, at least some of those tears will be tears of joy…right? keep your chin up lady and good lcuk. 🙂
Post # 5
Welcome to the Bee! This is an amazing place, you’ll enjoy it. And from your description it doesn’t sound as though an engagement is too far away on your horizon. Good luck and hang in there!
Post # 6
@Sunfire: thank you, thank you. here’s hoping an egagement is coming soon!
Post # 7
@gray_peony: Welcome! You have more patience than I do. I would definitely be trying harder to pin him down about a timeframe, if he’s hinting about marriage/kids next year but then not moving forward with a proposal. I’m direct and brutally honest, and I think it’s fair that these decisions be made together with open and honest communication.
I’d say something like, “If you want any chance of having our first child next year, we’d need to be trying in early 2013 (and hoping we’re lucky enough to get pregnant in the first few months). I’m not comfortable TTC unti we’re married, so that means we’d want to be married in early 2013 – January to March. What are your expectations for a wedding? I would like at least 6 months to plan. Which would mean we’d need to get engaged in the next few months. Since you tell me you want to be married and have a child next year, that’s the timeline that makes sense to me. What timeline makes sense to you?”
If he stalls or says he “doesn’t know” again, I wouldn’t let the conversation drop. I might following up with something like, “You’re saying you “don’t know” about the engagement. If it’s happening soon enough for us to be married early next year, wouldn’t you know already? If you’re not ready to make this happen so fast, I’d rather you tell me honestly what your feelings and plans are so that we can be on the same page.” If he still waffles, you could ask him what financial goals he wants to accomplish before engagement – perhaps that’s what’s holding him back?
I think sometimes guys don’t realize how long it takes (from getting engaged, to planning a wedding, to TTC, to the 9-month pregnancy, etc), so it might help him if you two talk calmly about timing of some of the major milestones. Good luck!
Post # 8
@whydoesithurt: thank you for the welcome and the advice. We have had the talk about how long it takes to plan a wedding…I think 9 months to a year. He thinks a couple of months….uh no! I have no idea where he got next year for kids…like no idea (my plan, if I’m lucky, is to conceive in two/three years). Sometimes I think he just says things he thinks I want to hear, you know? I don’t want to push him into an engagement/marriage, but I agree that we need to know each other’s expectations or timelines. I’m sure we will have another talk soon…especially since we have another wedding to attend in a month…keep your fingers crossed for me.