Waiting patiently (and some days not so patiently haha)

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
613 posts
Busy bee

@Brownbear23:  O boy do I! we were together 7.5 years when he proposed in december but last january he told me that he wasnt going to do it until I shhhh! So i did I didnt think I would have to wait a YEAR! but but he said it did help him foucus on buying the ring with out my consant remarks. Dont get me wrong there was def slip ups but the shut-it-up-pack really helped!! you should join if you havnt! 

Post # 4
314 posts
Helper bee

I’ll let you know!  I joined the Shut-it-up-pack, so I have vowed not to mention marriage unless the boyfriend brings it up first.  The boyfriend and I have only been together for 3 years (and 2 months), but who is counting ;).  Lately, he has been driving me up a wall talking about his bestfriend and his girlfriend deciding they are going to get married.  He talks about all the emotions they are going through and how excited is friend is to actually buy a piece of “man jewelry.”  My boyfriend then decided to slip in there that our friends are rushing it and we are not going to rush it like all of our friends have done.  He had been bringing up marriage a lot before this so I felt kind of crushed.  Some people have slipped and said that he is just trying to throw me off of his trail, so I semi-hope they are right, but ultimately hope he is going to do it when he is absolutely ready.  

All of that being said, I asked him a million questions why he had changed his mind and then decided I need to stop with the questions before I freak him out.  Now, I don’t mention it anymore.  Since I stopped with all of the questions, I have noticed he has been a whole lot sweeter than he usually is and is keeping more of his paychecks than usual >.>  I keep track of our finances, so he takes what he wants out of his check and gives me the rest for bills.  He might just be making up for making me question his feelings, or he might be up to something, but only time will tell.  

Good luck!  It is good of you to let him do things his way.  It often surprises me how the proprosal means just as much to the guy as it does to us!

Post # 5
38 posts

@Brownbear23:  Something that has worked for me is picturing how surprised and proud I am going to be when he finally gets down on one knee. I am going to know that I didn’t ruin it and that everything he is doing now is 100% because he wants to. I will be proud because I know that my not bringing it up has given me no future doubt that I pushed him into this situation. THAT’S SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE!

As a waiting bee, I am very impatient and I got hysterically upset sometimes. I am so glad that he didn’t give in to my emotions and propose that same weekend. If he did, I would always question whether he actually wanted to or was forced into it. Additionally, a few months of not talking about it gave me the chance to be surprised despite my knowing it would happen. Picturing myself as the good SO who was patient and respectful of the fact that this is HIS MOMENT TOO gave me the courage to not ruin it.

Good Luck!


Post # 6
4 posts

We have been together for 3 years and I was impatiently waiting for almost a year when we took a holiday at Christmas and something told me to just shut up… I knew it was important to him that he surprise me and got the feeling I was ruining it!

I was right and 2 months later he proposed!! So I am no longer waiting but I can definitely empathize with those who are!

Its very difficulty to shut it up, however I found when I did, FI brought it up almost every second day! 

Try to stay sssshhh!!

I asked FI would it have made a difference if I had not shut up and he said it wouldn’t have made any difference to him wanting to propose but he probably would have just ended up caving and telling me he had bought the ring if I had kept nattering on… Hence ruining his part as you put it! 

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