- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Ok, I promised myself I wouldn’t get too affected by waiting for my proposal (sometime in 2013 is the timeline), but this weekend really tested me, and I’m wondering if others have similar situations. If so, please share!
I kind of lost touch with my college classmate friends b/c I moved around a few times all over the country after college. Plus, they were into the whole get-married-immediately-post-graduation and settle down thing, which is fine, but I was sort of the single-lady-who-was-all-over-the-place in the group and started feeling more and more out of place.
Anyway – there was a male classmate as well who didn’t jump on the get-married-right-away bandwagon. He instead pursued law and graduated from law school moving on to work as a traveling lawyer (he travels all over the country working on various cases). He began dating this girl seriously post graduation for a couple years, and he proposed to her. I was actually surprised by the pairing b/c she was the clubbing in Miami type while he was a total homebody who liked the non-flashy clubbing lifestyle. Anyway, they got engaged a few years ago. However, something went wrong, and the engagement got called off. They broke up.
He’s been single for a while traveling and basically being “all over the place.” However, this past weekend, I saw on Facebook that he and some other girl (I didn’t even know he was seeing anyone!) are ENGAGED. It was a legit engagement b/c 1) we are in the 29-30-31 year old range so we don’t joke about that like we did in college/early 20s, and 2) everyone was congratulating him. While I am very happy for him as he’s a good guy, I could not help but be like, “WTF. I had to deal with being strung along for 6 years, and am now in relationship with a guy who wants to marry me but is waiting for the right time to propose, but it obviously hasn’t happened yet” while he gets to be engaged not once but twice. And possibly only b/c he is the guy hence it’s acceptable for him to have the control in this situation and do the proposing. Ugh.*
I know that my SO is not leading me on, and that a proposal is coming this year. I also know that women can propose to men nowadays, but 1) my SO doesn’t want me to ask him, and 2) society has molded men and women in a way that if I asked him, I would never know if he really was ready/wanted to marry me in the first place. We can talk about equality all we want, but unfortunately it feels like men still like to do the chasing. And if you don’t give them a chase or you make things easy for them, they will take you for granted. It just sucks that it’s still so easy for guys nowadays even though they are not the ones that have a ticking clock to have to play Russian roulette with their reproductive system after a certain age. :/ It’s just unfair and annoying.
Anyone else feel the same way? Or have a similar tale?
*I know this is very petty and stupid, but I just wanted to whine here (instead of to a BFF or even worse – my SO) and move on.