Post # 1
I’m getting fed up with waiting. We’ve been together for 3 years, we’ve got a family of cats, and we’re moving from our way too expensive apartment in the next few months, and we’ll be able to actually save up money for the wedding and our marriage and for the rest of our lives. I asked him tonight, if that meant that he’d be putting a ring on it soon, and he laughed at me and said that yes, it will, however he’ll have to save for it. I told him that he doesn’t have to get me anything fancy for an engagement ring (we’ve gone shopping for rings and i’ve loved things from under $1000 to well over $15,000 and have made it clear that I don’t want anything over the top or crazy or anything like that. My top three are around the 3-6 thousand range). I mean, I have a bit of an over the top style, but I was not expecting him to spend that much money on me.
However, he’s got his mind set on using 3 months salary, which totals to about $10,000. Which is both terrifying to think about having that much on my finger, but also because I know that will take a few months to save up. Probably 5 or 6 because he’ll be spending his money on things that aren’t the ring, which i’m fine with. And then getting the ring and getting it sized and deciding to propose. And I was so hoping he’d be asking for my parent’s blessing in February at my dad’s big birthday party, and then proposing on my birthday in March, but I guess that’s not happening. And all because he wants to spend more money on the ring then I think he should. So add another few months waiting. I wouldn’t be surprised if it took till this time next year to actally do it.
I’m excited about getting a really nice ring, i’m excited that it means a lot to him to spend that much money on me, and i’m excited that he’s acknowledged that after we get out of our current living state, the wedding is the next big thing happening and we’ll be saving for that, but I am so frustrated with waiting! I just want to get married! I’m sick of being his girlfriend and I want to be his wife!
i’m going to hit the single digits on the waiting list, I just know it. I’m number 29 now. Which is insane.
Good side- I’ll be able to for sure have the fall wedding I want if he waits till middle/end of 2014 to ask. That’s at least a small silver lining I can find!!
Post # 3
@cirk: waiting sucks! You could sit down and tell him that you want more than anything to be married to him and that you don’t want a super expensive ring.
I had sort of an issue like this, but about the house.
We don’t live together, we own a small house that only has a bed, kitchen, stove and lots of books. He wanted it to be completely furnished by the time we moved in. I had such a hard time telling him that I wanted we BOTH build our home together and that I didn’t care if we had no furniture for the first months.
He had a hard time understanding this, but talking with other guy who just got married and is also building his home slowly helped.
So, talk with him and maybe have some friend (a guy) talk with him about the ring not needing to be super expensive. Guys hear guys! They sometime think we are just wanting them to feel better hehe.
Post # 4
@AnaA: I’ve tried. He’s stuck in his ways. Even getting him to let me pick the ring out was a fight, and the best I could do was to get him to go shopping with me once and let me pick out three top rings. He’s very traditional- believes that he should buy the ring, it should be a diamond (I wanted a moissanite so badly, but had to let that go), it should be worth a lot (he thinks I deserve the best, not just whatever he can throw together. I pulled out a $1400 ring I loved and he shot it down because it wasn’t enough in his eyes), and he believes it should all be a surprise. He really thinks that because the wedding and the family afterwards is all about the woman, the engagement/proposal should be about him and what he decides. So I’m letting him have it. I’ve really had to let go of my Type A personality, and my wants to control everything for this. It’s so frustrating!
Post # 5
@cirk: gahhh that’s hard. Then my only advice would be enjoy what you have. Many girls are with cheap guys, or guys who aren’t interested in the process.
I totally get waiting is frustrating, but try to get out the most of it.
Post # 6
I’m sitting here laughing (seriously, out loud) because my first thought was to go up to him and say “So, you agreed when you had $10k you would get me a ring, right?”. Then handing him a stack of monopoly money and say, “I’m ready now, thank you”.
Post # 7
@cirk: OMG we are in the same boat fellow bee!
SO has it in his head that it has to be approx 3 months salary or 10% of his pay…and to boot–SO’s older brother also bought his wife a 10k engagement ring and SO has it in his head that he has to get me a ring like that too (ugh!!!!!)
Yeah I’ll be waiting for a while too. I was hoping to get a proposal for my bday last March..and I doubt that I’ll be getting a proposal by my bday this March, but I suppose I’m okay with it.
I opened a wedding savings account and this has helped me out A LOT. I’d like to think that while SO is saving for the ring, I can save up for the wedding and then we can also have a fall wedding for whever he proposes. Perhaps you can do the same?
Post # 8
Sorry to hear about your bad waiting day! Do you know when he’s actually going to start saving?
Post # 9
@SomedaymrsWDS: Haha i don’t think that would go over so well! But part of me wants to try it haha.
@veryberry13: Geeze, it does sound like we’re the same person! Saving is a great suggestion, and I may start that.
@oriskany: He’s started saving a bit, it’s just we’re in a very expensive apartment right now and most of our money goes to that, and our savings is tiny, and we consider it more of a “just incase” then a “ring savings”. Once we get out of here (which will be in the next month or two if everything goes well!) then the ring will be the thing we start saving for.
Post # 10
@cirk: Awesome! My SO will be starting to save in January or February after settling into his new job and our new (more expensive, booo) apartment. Living expenses are sucking up most of our extra money too, it sucks. But at least your SO is on track! 🙂