Waiting, sometimes easy, sometimes hard.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

@hcrlli2014: first off welcome to the bee !!!

I myself am technically not a waiting bee, my SO and I dont plan on becoming engaged for at least 2-3 more years with a wedding in 4-5 years (im about to turn 21, SO is about to turn 20 so we have PLENTY of time)..

but I just wanted to say that you will find a lot of support on the waiting boards, its kind of like a family.

just bumping up your post so that a true waiting bee can give her story. 

 

Post # 4
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

@hcrlli2014:  I just entered my waiting zone so I cant imagine what you are going through. I know “someday” can only comfort you so much.

My first thought is that he is probably waiting to be finished with school. And he is almost done! I agree he should give you a little more if a timeline like “yes after school, or before the end of the year or even next year” Just to give you a little clarification. It just doesnt sound like he is ready to make the commitment to adulthood.

Not you necesarily, I think he is OK with that part. Maybe the part that scares him is being a husband who is still in school, maybe he is scared of being a dad that doesnt own a home etc etc. and he thinks once he proposes he needs to start getting all these things in order which seems very overwhelming

Post # 7
Member
446 posts
Helper bee

@hcrlli2014:  I completely understand your heartache. Completely. My SO and I have been together for 6+ years. April will make 7 years. I can hardly believe it! I would say I have been waiting for about 2 1/2 years now. Like really waiting. 2013 was pretty rough as far as waiting goes. Spring 2013 was truly rough. Literally everyone we knew started getting engaged. ALL of them had been dating for signicantly less time than my SO and me.

First, my roomate gets engaged. Our friend/neighbor got engaged on the same night! Then it was like dominoes. All of our friends, people in our families. I think the hardest was when his brother got engaged to a girl he had only been dating a couple of years (SO and I had been dating for 5 at the time). My SO and I met while chaperoning on a river trip down the Rio Grande. Its a 7 day trip out in the wilderness, and we pretty much began seriously dating after that trip. Since the place was so special to us, we’ve returned each year to do the trip with a group of friends. It’s where I always sort of imagined he would propose. Anyway, last February, we went on the trip, and his brother came with his girlfriend. His brother ended up proposing to her there. It broke my heart. I had to put on a smile and pretend to be thrilled, but deep down I was devastated. I had no one to turn to, I couldn’t call any of my friends because we weren’t in an area with service. It sucked!

Since then, more friends have gotten engaged… too many to count. I thought for sure this Christmas it would happen. Especially because he had been telling me that he was finally ready, and that it would happen soon. His little sister came in town for the holidays. Her boyfriend of a little over a year came too. She is like a sister to me, so she confided to me that her boyfriend admitted to asking their dad for permission to marry her. That he plans on asking her sometime in March, April, or May. Of course, I love her, so I am so happy for her, but there is a part of me that hopes that we will be engaged before her. Especially since, once again, we have been dating for years, we are older than her, etc… Oh, and then I found out last week that his other brother and his girlfriend of just about a year are pregnant! They aren’t married yet, but plan on getting married sometime after the baby is due, which is July. His mom told me that his brother had been talking about how he wanted to propose to his girlfriend before they even knew she was pregnant…. all I could think was…. are all of his siblings, who ALL started dating their SOs YEARS after we began dating, going to get married before we are even engaged.

I feel like i’m being put through a major test of heart… He was in law school for the last three years and started his job this August. I’ve had a steady job for the last 5 years. Like you, my SO tells me he loves me, wants to marry me, wants to have children with me, etc. etc. etc…. I love him. I don’t want to leave him. We work so well together. At the same time, I don’t know how much more I can take. On top of that, my family feels the same way yours does. My SO tells me that he is ready now, and just has to save up for a ring. I believe him. I do. At the same time, I get scared that he could just be telling me what he thinks I want to hear, especailly since he told me for a while that it was going to happen soon, by the end of 2013, and then it didnt.

So here we are. Waiting… I know it isn’t easy. I can completely relate. However, I love my SO. I love him. I know that you love yours. Stay in the struggle. I know that is easier said that done, but I think about all this time we have been together, and I know that it is going to somehow benefit us in the long run. And when that day comes where I will finally get to be his wife, because I know I will, I know deep down I will, then all of this waiting will be forgotten, and it won’t matter anymore.

Post # 8
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

@hcrlli2014:  sorry Bee lingo.

when someone comments on your post, it essentially “bumps it up” to the top of the “Boards” so that more people (Bees) can see it. so sometimes someone will comment with “bump” meaning they are trying to get your post to the top so that people will comment. the longer no one comments on a post, the faster it “moves down” a board. so unless someone is just clicking through all the posts, it may not be seen because its at the bottom. 

Post # 9
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

@hcrlli2014:  Welcome to the waiting beehive! I also joined here recently and the bees here have been so supportive, not just the waiting bees but the engaged and married ones too. Yes, waiting can be really difficult sometimes and there are just those days where it’s especially difficult to be quietly patient. I’ve been with my SO for 7 years and ready to build a life with him, but I only want to do that when he is ready. He’s definitely scared of “forever,” especially coming from divorced parents he doesn’t want to make the same mistake as them. A lot of our friends have already gotten married so I’m excited for when I can finally join them.

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