Post # 1
Hi everyone! I’m very new to the boards, I’ve commented a few times but have yet to introduce myself..
My SO and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary next month. We are still fairly young (23 and 24) and both live with our parents in order to save money until we move out. We both have good jobs; there is talk of him receiving a huge promotion within a year, and I am receiving my promotion at the end of the summer. However, with my promotion comes moving to a different office within the state. We are prepared for this, and will get an apartment together as soon as we get the news on where my placement will be.
We have talked about our future and getting engaged quite frequently. When we went ring shopping, the rings we looked at were nice but I did not want him to spend thousands of dollars because- 1. I love him and I don’t want to ask him to spend that much – 2. It would take him a long time to save up and I don’t want to wait any longer. From browsing (..ok, STALKING) this forum I discovered moissanite and asha rings. I absolutely love the idea, and the price! I brought it up to SO and he was totally on board. I know he already has the amount saved for one of these rings so I thought everything was set..
I decided to implement Mr. Bee’s plan so I would stop bugging him every 5 seconds.. I made it a whole week! I came home from working 12 hours and saw on FB that a girl 3 years younger than me, who has been with her boyfriend for less than 6 months was engaged. To make matters worse, I was on the phone with SO when it happend, and he actually thought something was seriously wrong when I shouted “ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?!?!” He got upset because he felt I was mad at him that he didn’t propose yet. (Um, yeah!) I simply told him that I was feeling insecure and wanted to make sure that we were on the same timeline. He kept assuring me that I’m the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and that he does want to marry me, he just wants the “timing to be right.”
After that bump in the road I haven’t mentioned engagement at all, but neither has he. He hasn’t brought up any plans for our anniversary next month, or purchasing the ring we saw online. (Which we said we would do together.) He even had the perfect opportunity to as my father for my hand, but didn’t.. I just feel so stuck right now, even more so than I did before.. I am so ready to move forward in our relationship, because we are so much more than just boyfriend and girlfriend at this point.. I don’t know what to think anymore.
Any advice you bees have would be so helpful!
Post # 3
Sometimes guys get very quiet about things when they are going to propose. My husband stopped talking about it when we were getting close because he thought that meant I wouldn’t think about it, so silly I know! I hope things work out for the best for you!
Post # 4
My advice: Do not bug him. I know that it is hard. We all know. But I can guarantee that he will not ask based on your getting angry and nagging. In fact, it will make him take longer. Men are not afraid to commit, they are terrified of committing to the wrong woman. Right now, he believes he has the right woman. Please do not make him doubt his decision by freaking out. And please do not compare yourself and your relationship to anyone else’s. You two have your own time-line and the last thing you should do is worry about anyone else’s.
Here is what I know, your Boyfriend or Best Friend loves you, and he will propose. You have helped him immensely by giving him less expensive ring options, and the rest is up to him. Give him room to come to you, and he will. I promise. Trust me on this, if he proposes after you have badgered him into it, you will feel so bad and even more insecure wondering if he really wanted to marry you, or if you pestered him into submission. He will question his manhood because he let his woman make his decisions for him. Not a good look for either of you. You both are still very young, and you still have time. I beg you to be patient.
*Hugs* I know this is hard, but it will be worth it in the end. I promise.
Post # 5
I know how you feel about younger people who’ve been together less time. I used to get upset over them getting engaged before we did (I still do to some extent) but I’ve come to realize their relationships don’t last. Most of the people I know have ended their engagements and/or broken up or have gotten married and then divorced.
“I just feel so stuck right now, even more so than I did before.. I am so ready to move forward in our relationship, because we are so much more than just boyfriend and girlfriend at this point..” I feel the same with my relationship. We’re 22 and 20 and have been together for a little over 3 and a half years. We have about another year and a half before we get engaged though. I don’t have any advice since I’m in the same situation but thought it’d be helpful to know your not the only one.
Post # 6
@Bellagiobride: What you said is basically what I already knew, but didn’t want to admit to myslef, haha. I think I just get so excited thinking of the possibility of it happening and want to talk about it every chance I get!! I will definitely take your advice to heart and focus my energy on other aspects of my life. <3
Post # 7
I have no advice, but can only relate. It’s mine and SO’s 3 year anniversary today and he didnt get me a card or anything.. he dragged me into jewellery stores yesterday and got my hopes up.. then later that night after coming back from my cousins engagement party (I couldnt even make that up) he NOW tells me we couldnt afford to get engaged for a long while yet.. and sadly I really think he was serious.
So yeah, I hate men sometimes – I don’t think they realise the gravity of the subject for us….
Post # 8
@Waterfall: It’s definitely difficult being young and wanting people to take you seriously. I’m the youngest executive at my job, and it feels so juvenile refering to E as my boyfriend. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this way, thanks for your support.
Post # 9
21 and engaged after 6 months? The likelihood that this will last through more than a few years of marriage is unlikely. From the studies I’ve read, couples with the most success date somewhere between 1 1/2 to 3 years. Past 3 years, the likelihood of getting married starts to sink. By 7 years, the odds of marrying are virtually zero. I don’t say that to disappoint anyone – some men are genuinely keen on getting married and it may take them 10 years to get there – but the general statistics speak a little more poorly about the likelihood of engagement when relationships endure for several years. And, of course, the most successful marriages are those in which the partners were at least 25 when they married – presumably because they have more money and maturity and can make it through the more trying times of a marriage.
You’re both very young – apparently 18 and 19 when you started dating? Has he had (or have you) had any other significant others? He may well not want to lose you, but might find himself thinking about what else exists out there. And there’s nothing ‘juvenile’ about being unmarried at 23 – you’re still very young and most people in the U.S. don’t marry until the mid or late 20s anymore anyway.
My advice is to focus on your career and for your move. If he wishes to follow you when you get an apartment (along with this promotion), that’s fine – but I would advise you not to uproot your life in any way, shape or form without an engagement from him. And if you do live together, you need to set a very clear deadline. I.E., “I would like to be engaged by March or April; I understand if you aren’t ready, but I think it will be time for us to start living in separate places then.”