Waiting until marriage to have sex, romantic?

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Waiting until marriage to have sex?
    YES : (42 votes)
    17 %
    NO : (202 votes)
    83 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    8518 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Wouldnt be more romantic for me. It hurt so bad the first time that I almost kicked him, and kept jerking away. It took like an hour for him just to get it in all the way. It would have been an awful wedding night. lol

    Post # 3
    Member
    6621 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    As I get older I think that less and less.

    Post # 6
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I don’t think of “romantic” I think of it more as “impractical.” However, I don’t have any particular religious beliefs about this issue.

    Post # 8
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I’m waiting, and I find it very romantic. FI and I have been together a year and 3 months, and are ludicrously into each other. Waiting is a religious commitment on my part, but I’d be lying if I said I’m not also enjoying the building anticipation.

    Post # 10
    Member
    6621 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Willowtree2222:  I waited until I was engaged with a ring on my finger to have sex for the first time- and it was romantic I guess. That waiting was based on family expectations and religious pressure. But then after being married for 10 years my husband left me and I found myself as a 30 year old mom trying to figure out the dating scene. This time around I decided I would do things differently. I slept with my new husband on our 3rd date- and it was incredibly romantic. I don’t feel it is particularly beneficial to wait for marriage. But that is just my personal experience. When my girls get older I am not going to tell them to “save” their virginity, I will tell them to sleep with men they care about that treat them well. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    174 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m probably going to lurk on this thread like a weirdo because I find this topic wildly fascinating in a sociological way; ways we assign value to virginity/monogamy and all that stuff. Very interesting. But before I go pop some popcorn and creep on this soft-science style, I’ll give you a little anecdote.

    If not for having sex, I never would have discovered that I have a vaginal septum and second cervix. Since that discovery required further examination and testing (double cervices indicate possible double uterus/uterus with a septum, and/or potential issues with ovaries and kidneys, all of which can have an effect on pregnancy and childbirth) its absolutely something I would have wanted to know before my wedding night- particularly if I came to find I wouldn’t be able to conceive/birth children. 

    Now of course this isn’t a very common occurance, but hey, you never know, right?

    Post # 12
    Member
    6337 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I used to want to wait until marriage for logistical and cultural reasons. However, I do think it becomes more difficult as people marry at relatively older ages. Waiting in your late teens or early 20s is one thing; waiting in your mid-late 20s or 30s is another. The first time is memorable but not necessarily the most “romantic.” 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1990 posts
    Buzzing bee

    IMO: Absolutely not. It is such an important part of a relationship, it should be “figured out” before the committment of marriage. I think it’s romantic to experience and involve that level of intimacy over time.

    Additionally, sex is natural, and I don’t personally think that repressing natural feelings is smart or practical. It’s better to learn safely, without judgement, at your own pace (without familial or religious expectations).

    Post # 14
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I would argue that there’s a lot to be learned without straight up getting it on. Fostering deep emotional intimacy and even physical intimacy before having sex with someone means there is a level of connectedness… It means something.  There is intense anticipation.

    Am I the only one who likes the thought of being with just one person that way? It’s a gift I’m so excited to give my husband.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Willowtree2222:  realism > romance

    “romance” does not a successful relationship make. Compatability was much more important to me than some butterflies on my wedding night. Especially since I did have a relationship fail largely due to complete NOV  sexual compatability. Thank god I knew before I married him.

    Also, sex is just not that pretty of a picture. Can it be passionate and “beautiful”? Yes, but when it comes down to what it really is, it’s not like some magical act. For every perfect passionate sex session I’ve also had 10 utilitarian and/or semi gross ones (even when I love the person). I think people who wait often build it up too much. I’d much rather get to know my partner to ensure long term sexual satisfaction before I sign on for forever, just as I would with financial, moral, religious, political etcetcetc compatability (and therefore satisfaction) on those important fronts.

    real love and great sex  with the love of your life will be plenty “romantic” whether you’ve had sex with 0 or 1000 people prior.

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