Post # 1
My fiance and I got engaged in December and are marrying in June. People are completely flabbergasted when they find out we haven’t moved in together, that we aren’t planning to do so until the wedding, and that it’s not for religious reasons. We each have more traditional views of the “moving in together” step and really look forward to that being part of marriage. I’ve stayed at his house for about a week at a time, but I know it’s not the same thing. I get it.
What’s a courteous response for when people ask us, “Why wouldn’t you? I mean, you’re not religious,” or even say, “That’s such a stupid choice!” The questions and insinuations have become borderline insulting at times.
Please answer Ms. Manners style. We’re classy like that and don’t like snide responses 🙂
Post # 3
@hisprettygirl: Wow people sure are rude arent they. My Fiance and I are waiting as well. For tons of reasons. Like one of the huge reasons, is my Fiance is moving closer into town. Y move in with him if hes moving so close to the wedding. Might as well just wait. But I like the idea of waiting until marriage anyway. It gives us something to look forward to.. 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
Smile. “We decided not to. Why do you ask?” *blink blink*
People are so nosy!
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Can you give an “excuse,” such as waiting for a lease to run out? “It’s more expensive to break our leases than to just let them run out, and this gives us more time to figure out how we’ll be combining households-we can donate all the extra kitchen gadgets, DVDs, etc.” Sadly, your options are usually limited with rude people. (p.s.- I read Miss Manners Wedding book, and unfortunately, she didn’t address this issue.)
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
Um, it’s none of people’s business! And it’s rude of them to ask. We didn’t move in together until we got married, and our party line was, “We discussed our options, and we decided that this was the best decision for us.” Let’s people know you’ve thought about it (so you’re not being stupid or irresponsible, as many assume), that you’re not open to discussing it with them (bud out!), and that this was a PRIVATE decision (which it is!).
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Geez. What’s wrong with a waiting a few more months?! Sorry you are dealing with this. I wish I had advice for you.
Post # 8
I would just answer with a simple “It was a decision that we made for our own personal reasons” PP was right when she said people are nosy! Geeze, what nerve!
Post # 9
I’m in the same boat as you are almost exactly (just different dates, lol!). We don’t owe people an explanation of our decisions. We’re adults. If I feel that I need to respond, I just say “It’s what works best for us.” If I feel like being snippy, I begin with “I’m flaterred that you’ve taken an interest in our private decisions, but…”
Post # 10
@hisprettygirl: “It’s the best choice for us (what works for us)”
Post # 11
I agree that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just say that’s your choice and you’re both happy with it. I can’t believe people make a big deal out of it.
Post # 12
i also didnt live with my husband until we were married. i didnt want to be a live in girlfriend, i wanted to be a wife so was happy to wait for it
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center
I was going to wait to move in, and my reasoning was that otherwise, nothing huge changes after the wedding! It’s kind of like waiting until Christmas to open a present, or something… But then I moved in, so there goes my logic…
Post # 14
Studies show that divorce rates are lower for those who move in post-wedding.
Post # 15
@kmsw: your link says higher rates of divorce IF couples weren’t engaged before they moved in together, so not sure why it would apply here since PP is already engaged. Personally, as someone who conducts social science research, I’m always highly suspicious about stats like these. College education, age, etc. are all mitigating factors.
I would suggest just saying. “We wanted to wait, and decided we wanted to move in together once we were officially husband and wife”
Post # 16
In fact my FI’s neice asked me, like over a year ago, if I was moving in with her uncle, my Fiance. lol I said no. I think his whole family expected me to do this because I guess its normal in their family to do this.
My Future Father-In-Law asked me recently if I moved in yet with his son. Lol. No not yet. After the wedding. If I remember correctly he didnt understand y I wasnt living with his son yet.
And of a course my family is expecting us to move in with each other after our wedding.
Its amazing how people expect you to do things. We will do what is right for us. And waiting until after the wedding is what is right for us. 🙂