(Closed) waiting update (meltdown alert)

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This was my situation too!! The only difference was we had only been together 2 years. I made it clear that i didnt want to live together until we were engaged but then a house was on the market that was perfect so we jumped on it, i expected a proposal but he thought it didnt matter and wanted to wait until things were settled. He wanted a new job and to feel more secure in life even though i told him that he will probably never settle because life never does, timing is never perfect theres always something happening. Even after he got a new job he had excuses that he wanted to settle in to his job then he wanted to make sure the finances were stable even though his salary hadnt changed!! This went on and all the while i was whining about not being engaged, i told him i didnt want to get married tomorrow just to know it was coming but every time i mentioned it he pushed the timeline back and told me it was my fault. He really hurt me but in hindsight it was my fault. 

My only advice is to follow mr. bees plan, it worked for me. I told Fiance that i wasnt gonna wait forever and then i started to go hang with my sisters more, i took on extra shifts so i wasnt home a lot and when i was i would keep myself busy unless he said he wanted to do something together. He realised my life would go on without him if he didnt propose so he did it. Life is much less stressful now we are back to our old selves very fun and loving and i still try to do things without him once a week so he doesnt forget that am a strong lady and very independant. 


Fiance made me feel like i would be forcing him into marriage but he said he wanted it, i calmly told him that if he wanted it it wasnt forced and if he felt forced he didnt want it he said that sentance opened his eyes too and he did want it!!

Post # 4
73 posts
Worker bee

This is similar to what I went through… I suggest you to forget the engagement… just be theire as his bet friend. Right now.. his mind is not foucs on engagement… i am sure his mind is thinking about find a new job and he is unhappy with this job. I do not want you to go thorugh similar to what i have been. Otherwise he will turn to his friends mostly and forget your presence when you were trying to support or there for him. 

So just be there as his best friend that is what he really need the most. If he come home whining etc.. give him a cold beer and sit him down and listen to whatever he said. after that Give him a big hug and say something positive. This will make him feel better a bit. If you keep do that everyday.. he will look up to you how great woman you are… for being there for him for no matter what he is going thorugh with his shit job… 

there is something we have to remember.. we woman always complaing… the men listen to our shit.. so whenever the men hit something hard patch or whatever.. he need someone to listen and talk to.. so there you go… I hope this helps. ๐Ÿ™‚  

Post # 7
1282 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA

oh man, i totally know where you’re at.

My SO and I have been together since we were 16, for 8 & 1/2 years now. We bought a house 15 months ago. We are so in love, have an awesome time together, but i’m ready for that next step & commitment. We discussed us being engaged by the end of 2013 last november. He is giving himself time to save up for the ring (he goes all out on everything, so i’m sure its going to cost quite a bit). And I was good with that, but I still can’t believe after being together for so long, knowing I was THE ONE that he hadn’t already been saving for a while.

He sometimes acts frustrated bc i cant shut my mouth about how ready i am. And i ask him, what did you expect? He told me “i thought i had more time.” MORE time?! I flipped. 8 & a half years together, over a year living together, and you thought we needed to wait any longer? HUH?

So i’ve kind of been on his case about that, but he has offered many times to go to the courthouse & be married. I know he wants to marry me, he has assured me of that a million times. But its frustrating when you think, how can he wait any longer to make it happen? Shouldn’t he be rushing to get a ring to make me his wife? I totally get it.

Be kind to your man. Understand he’s going through a serious life change right now. Know that proposing (even having been together for so long & living together) is still a monumental thing for a guy to plan. No matter how sure they are, they are still scared. Reassure him that you want to be with him & no one else. Dont belittle his issues. The last thing he needs is to think he doesn’t have you to lean on. Be his rock when he needs it. And be confident that after all these years, this is the man you are going to be with forever. Enjoy where you are in your relationship right now. Once you’re engaged, chaos ensues & doesnt stop til you retire at 65. lol You’ll get there, I’ll get there, we’ll all get there. Just relax.

and most men will surprise you at how they can handle stressful situations. Dont base the rest of your life after one scenerio. He’ll do just great!

Post # 9
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@lsimpson:  You’ve posted multiple threads about your relationship. People have told you in other threads where you share additional information, that it appears he is not serious about marrying you.

Waiting around for this guy has done nothing but erode your self esteem hon. No woman should have to go through what you are. While you started dating young, 8 years later you both are now mid 20’s.

You’ve been given good advice over and over yet continue to do the same thing with the same result. A man should *want* to marry you. He doesn’t.

Vent if it helps on some level but realize you are likely postponing the inevitable. Although you’re still young, time goes fast. …

Best wishes.


Post # 10
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@lsimpson:  I was pretty much in your exact position except we started dating at 17.  After dating 8 years and moving from NJ to FL for him for a job and still no proposal I don’t think he understood how much it actually meant to me until I had a full on break down in the car driving to Target when he mentioned that his friend who dated his gf for 2 years proposed.  I was legit practically hysterical and no matter what people say about how you cannot compare you relationships to other I think it was the first time he saw how incredibly hurt I was from the fact that in 2 months it would be 9 years together and he wouldn’t even talk about getting engaged. 

He was confused when the tears were flowing and the sniffling was constant until I told him I thought after all these years we would’ve been married for a couple years by now and trying for a baby.  A month later as we were sitting on the couch on the weekend he asked if I would be interested in looking at rings together, just so he could see what I like.  We went looking for a few weekends in a row and out of hundreds of rings I only liked three, he made it clear it would not be happening right now because like your man he didn’t start saving a penny for it and needed to start so he said probably in november or december.  A month later we were engaged, he put one whole paycheck towards it and financed the rest.  That was nearly a year ago.

Sometimes it takes a while for some men while others are happy to jump into it.  He probably sees the house purchase as basically similar to a marriage proposal.  The fact that he wants to take you to a courthouse and get married makes me think it’s more of a monetary issue.  Engagement rings are a huge pride factor for a lot of men and they don’t want to disappoint their soon to be Fiance.

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