- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
My boyfriend hates his job, to the point that he whines about not wanting to go to work every morning. He is sad and frustrated because dispate his high top grades he can’t find a job in another country, and most of his friends that finished with him with lower grades, have already found something. Well, I’m always trying to cheer him up, letting him know that things will change that its only a matter of time… and at least he HAS a job (with a 20% unemployment rate in our country, it’s great) in his study field, and his pay isn’t that bad. I understand he doesn’t like it, and wants to change, but whinning and being depressed over it doesn’t help anyone.
Anyway, TMI (spike ahead if you don’t want to know):
Last night we were “playing” around and I finished and was liking it, and he was not, he couldn’t finish at all, and those sort of things don’t happen with us. So I was like: “honey whats going on?” and he said he didn’t know, that he was sad and tired and didn’t know what happened.
I don’t know what happened inside of me, because I just melted down. Started crying without even realising. And eh was worried, I said to him that I felt useless because I couldn’t make him more happy (when he is sad about his job) and now I can’t even make him finish… I don’t know that got into me! I just… it’s everything! We spoke (seriously) about marriage about 1 month ago and he said he couldn’t think of 2 things in the same time (change his job and planning a wedding) and he tought we were young (despite being together for 8 years). That deeply hurt me.
I understand his reasons, but I also have mine. We already live together so what would change if he propose? I’m not asking to be married in 3 months, It can be a year or two until we are more settled.
Anyway I told him that what he told me before hurt, and I understand his side but also have my own opinion. That I don’t know how in 8 years he didn’t realise I was expecting a proposal, and why it has to be me to bring this subject up.
What does he say? “Yes, I know, but now I can’t propose now or you will think it’s because of this talk. You have to stop to bring this up”.
And I was in shock, what? What we talked earlier was that he wouldn’t be proposing in AT LEAST another year, or until he can change jobs and be financially secure (I don’t know what he thinks this is, because if I was the judge he is already financially secure.)
I don’t want to force him to marry me, I want him to do this on his own time and pace when he is 100% sure, but well… I don’t want to wait another 8 years, for life to “be perfect” because life isn’t perfect, after this job change/career problem, other problems will follow, and what then? He can’t handdle those either?
I’m confused with his response, was he already planning or thinking to propose?!
I don’t know why men think proposals are a 7 head monsters, as this point anything would change between us, we already life together, I’m already a supporting and loving wife to him, so why this fear? 🙁
Sorry for the long post… thank you bees, your input will be much appreciated.