Post # 1
My biological father has been absent most of my life and has just now resurfaced about 1 year ago. My uncle raised me and i call him “dad”. I want him to give me away and have a dance with me because he was always their for me. But my grandmother and all of my real fathers side of the family are saying that if my real dad doesnt walk me down the isle that they will not come and wont acknowlege me as family. I feel blackmailed. I really do want them their. I asked my uncle/dad if it would be okay if they both walked me down and he said he didnt mind. But i could tell it would hurt him and he was just saying yes to make me happy. I need advice
Post # 3
@samri8510: Do what is in your heart. If your bio dad’s side is being that bitter or trying to blackmail you, they’re clearly not there for you. My theory is that just because you are a parent, you are not entitled to particular ‘traditions’ when you haven’t done the traditional thing in being present in your child’s life. It’s your wedding, enjoy it however and with whomever you want, and the others can make up their own minds as adults.
Post # 4
@indibee: I completely agree.
OP, as difficult as it is- I think it’s more important to do what is meaningful to you, rather than trying to please others.
Post # 5
@samri8510: Was your bio dad’s family in your life? I find it so bizarre that someone who was not in your life would want to take it away from the person who raised you.
I think your bio dad’s family needs to butt out, and if they were in your life while he wasn’t, they should wake up and realize what a dead beat dad is….
anyone can be a father…it takes someone special to be a dad….and your uncle is that someone special…
Post # 6
@smcs28: yes My bio-dads family have allways been in my life…. just not him. when i was 4 he kiddnapped me away from my mom for a year. wen i was found i was given back to my mother and then she died 7 monthes later. My bio-dad went to jail for a few years and a restraining order was placed on him by my aunt and uncle.. My grandmother fought to asume custody of me but failed. So she was given court appointed visits with me and My aunt and uncle becaume my legal gaurdians. I made contact with my real dad at age 18. My bio-dad, my grandma, and his side of the family feel that his chance at being a father was taken away and they are verry bitter towards my aunt and uncle. They feel that he has a right to this if i want him in my life….
Post # 7
So let me get this straight your father kidnaps you, rightfully goes to jail for his crime and your grandparents think he was robbed, it seems they like to make excuses for his bad behavior. Your father is a stranger who is lucky that you are even on speaking terms with him.
Don’t let them blackmail and manipulate you. Your father should be grateful that after your mother died and he was in prison someone step up to raise you and your brother. I hope he(your brother) is on your side, and you both take a united stance. Tell your grandparents the truth you don’t know him well enough or feel comfortable having him walk you down the aisle.
Tell your grandparents, and his family, and speak to him directly also. Let them know that you aren’t going to bullied and manipulated into making them happy on your wedding day. Take a Stand! Two things may happen,
The first they call your bluff and really do what they threaten, in which case I say good riddance you don’t need that negative energy in your life or wedding, or
The second, they realize you are a grown adult woman with backbone who won’t be coerced and bullied, and they gain some much need respect for you.