Post # 1
Is there anyone here willing to share their experience of doing an alternative walk down the aisle? What are the options for people who don’t necessarily have the closest relationship with their family of origin?
Are there people with intact families, but lacking a good relationship with their dad who are doing something other than having dad walk you down the aisle? Did your family see this as an insult or were they accepting of your decisions?
I can see that maybe it’s easier just to let one or both of the parents walk you, even though it’s not a reflection of the relationship. Maybe it’s just easier not to make waves? What are your thoughts? How did you deal with it? Did you try to heal problems in your relationship with your dad (or parents) prior to the wedding? Did you just let it go because it’s easier?
Post # 3
For the longest time I was convinced that I wanted my mom and ONLY my mom to walk me down the aisle. And if anyone had a problem with that arrangement, I’d walk alone. My parents were never married and while my dad has been a part of my life, I’ve had a very hard time accepting him into my life. When I told my mom that I just wanted her to walk me down, she suggested that I really should ask my dad to walk with us. At first I was adamantly against it (it made me so emotional my mom probably thought I was nuts) but after thinking about it I’m going to walk with both of them. It’s taken me a very long time to accept him, and I still have a hard time sometimes. I’ll be his first child (of seven, mind you) to get married so I know it will mean a lot to him.
I’ve never really talked about how I feel about him to him personally, and I’m not sure if it will come up between now and the wedding. It’s a discussion I know I should have…I just don’t know how.
Obviously I don’t know you’re situation, but for me I did a lot of soul searching and thought "can I live with my decision for the rest of my life?" Also, could I look back at my wedding day without any regrets? I was also worried about hurt feelings. Would my dad resent me? Would our already strained relationship get even worse? I tried to put myself in his shoes. How would I feel if he were deliberately leaving me out of something big going on in his life? It is so incredibly personal and each situation is unique. I hope you find a scenario that works for you. And ultimately, you have to do it for YOU. Good luck
Post # 4
My dad is no longer a part of my life, so I’m having my grandpa walk me down the aisle. He’s always been a huge part of my life and I thought it was a good solution instead of walking alone. All I can say is that in the end, you need to be comfortable with your decision. Whether that means making you happy or making your family happy is up to you 🙂
Post # 5
My friend is going to walk with her finance
They are going to walk down the aisle together. They are adults and feel like they are too old to be "given away" so they are going to walk together
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
Mrs. Lovebug walked herself down the aisle… I can’t seem to find the preliminary post she wrote about it pre-wedding, but it was really beautiful and poignant, if you can find it!
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2009 - Westwind YWCA camp
This is a really interesting topic, and one not to be taken lightly. I don’t have the best relationship with my dad, but it’s not bad. It’s more like we don’t have a relationship. He doesn’t know me, and rarely (if ever) makes an effort to get to know me. I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of him walking me down the aisle, having a "father daughter" dance, etc., but I don’t know what I’m going to do about it yet.
Post # 8
That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about Rye. I know I definitely don’t want to do a father-daughter dance. I haven’t been his "little girl" in a long, long time. As for the aisle, I don’t know… I’m not opposed, I suppose.. but there wouldn’t be much meaning except to make him happy. Maybe that’s enough, but I want to be thoughtful about it.
Post # 9
My parents were divorced when I was 12 and my father…well…he’s a jerk, to put it lightly. My mother has always been there for me and I know I can count on her for anything. She’ll be walking me down the aisle. She’s a little worried about this and keeps reminding me I can change my mind; we’re having a pretty traditional wedding and she doesn’t want to look "butch" as she puts it. But it’s my mom who’s giving me up to my FH, and I want that symbolism to be evident in the ceremony.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2009 - Westwind YWCA camp
I hear you. Tough stuff! I wish I could help! 🙁 But then I guess I’d already have the answer for myself…
I’ve been grappling with this for a while. As for the time being, I think we might do this for the "aisle walk" —
Mr. Rye is escorted to the back of the seats by his mom, dad, & step mom. Then I’m escorted to the back of the seats by my mom and dad. Both sets of parents join our hands together or something gooey romantic like that. Then my dad escorts my mom down the aisle, his step mom is escorted down the aisle by someone (her husband died last year), his dad escorts his stepmom down the aisle, and then Rye escorts me down the aisle. It’s a bit involved, but hey – weddings are involved, right? I figure this way, we get to let the parental couples feel that special "buzz" of walking down the aisle together once more, and I don’t have to deal with the "father escort" issue.
weddings kinda suck sometimes! especially when you feel like you have to please everyone!
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2018 - Our home and the two acres it sits on
I think I’m walking myself. While both of my parents are alive and it would be nice, I feel pretty strongly about giving myself over to marriage. The only challenge is whether I can safely make it down a trail/ hill ("aisle") without falling over.
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club
I plan on walking alone. My father has died, but before that we didn’t have such a great relationship and, God rest his soul, I would have been annoyed if he’d wanted to do it. I feel like my "journey" to get to this point in life has largely been mine alone and happened mostly because of my decision to separate myself from my family. I can’t imagine walking down the aisle any other way.
My mom’s father (my grandfather) died around the same time as my dad, and when she got remarried a few years ago, she walked alone despite having a few brothers that would have done it. It was perfect and very beautiful! My mom understands my viewpoint.
I don’t know my stepfather at all and I imagine he would respect my decision. I can see him wanting to do it, but the idea makes me terribly uncomfortable. I plan to use the "this is how I always imagined it"/"feminism-in-general" angle. If that doesn’t work and it seems like it would create a rift, I’ll just let him walk with me. Those closest to me know how I view it, and some things are just more important than symbolism.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2007 - Bride's family summer home in the Adirondacks
I have a great relationship with my dad (and mom!) but none of us saw any need for me to be "given away" at this point in my life. I loved walking alone! My decision, my husband, my walk! 🙂
Post # 14
I am with the both of you MissRye and Doctorgirl.. I don’t know what I am going to do. My side of the family doesn’t really want to do anything with me or my life. But they want the image. So I feel like I should have my dad walk me down the aisle, but in the same sense why should he get the honor? I am torn because I "feel" obligated to do the normal socialy expected route but I really don’t want to. Ugh.. Yes wedding suck sometimes! But at least I have an amazing future family in laws! They truly are my "real" family!
Post # 15
My grandfather passed away when my mum was 16 and she had her brother (my godfather) walk her down the aisle. I will definitely have my dad walk me down but I am thinking about having mum meet us halfway to continue on together as we have always been "the three of us", I have also been to a wedding where the bride had a close guy friend walk her down the aisle as she was not close with her family.
Post # 16
I do not speak to my dad (as of now) and he is not invited to the wedding. I always knew my mom would walk me down the aisle, but I also thought I would have my grandmother by my side as well. Unfortunately, she died a few years ago. I think my dad’s mom, who will be at the wedding, will be a bit sad that her son could not walk me down the aisle, but I know she understands. I also don’t feel comfortable having my step-dad walk me down the aisle because he was never a father-figure to me. I will dance with him for the father/daughter, mother/son dance, but I can’t say he had a HUGE hand in raising me. My mom is really the one who should get all the credit and I think it shows the powerful bond we share.