(Closed) Walking down the aisle dilemma in divorced family

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1564 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I hear you with the difficulty that having divorced parents brings to a wedding. Both my FI and I have divorced parents. I am doing things the traditional way and having my father walk me down the aisle and we are doing a father-daughter dance. After making my decision, I found out that my mother was disappointed that she would not also be walking me down the aisle (even though she never asked whether she could). This shocked me and confused me because my mother tends to be a person who wants to do things the “right way”. I decided to keep everything the same as I’m closest with my father.

My advice to you, do what feels right for you. You don’t need to include everyone equally in your day if you don’t want to. Don’t worry so much about hurting your parent’s (or step-parent’s) feelings. I’ve included my steps by giving them corsages/boutonierres but you don’t have to allow them to make speeches (they probably don’t expect to in the first place). I totally understand trying to make everyone feel good but in the end, do what you want. Do you want to walk down the aisle alone? Do you want to walk down with your father? Do you want to walk with both? Think about what you want and not what would be least offensive.

Post # 4
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My dad- walking my down he aisle. My stepdad- guest speaker. I wouldn’t “surprise” either parent with walking down the aisle details- pick what you want, tell them beforehand, let them deal with the drama if they have any, and enjoy your wedding 🙂

You can also have them both announced when you walk into dinner.

Post # 5
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree that you should do what feels right for you. I walked myself down the isle. My mom was present at the wedding, dad wasn’t. I was not comfortable with my mom walking me down the isle, but had my dad been present I would have had him do it.

Post # 6
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Go with your gut.

I went through the same thing, and it turned out my dad was crushed when he heard (through his nosy, PITA girlfriend, so I didn’t have a chance to broach the subject myself) that I was going to ask him if it was ok to have both parents or dad and stepdad walk me down the aisle.  Of course I wasn’t going to even ask after I’d heard his reaction, but that was the only “fight” we’d had with regard to wedding planning, and it wasn’t even a fight, just a conversation.  Turns out he felt like that was his one inalienable right as a father, to walk his only daughter down the aisle.

There is no right answer in these things when one parent decides to be a turd (and yes, by talking badly about your father in front of you, your mother behaved like a turd to some degree).  You need to just figure out what works for you and stick to it like glue.

Post # 7
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

my parents divorced also my mom said she was my dad asked if he was…the night before i said by myself then 5 min before i said both or nothing and they agreed haha  but my mom said she was walking on the right because he belonged on the left haha!!  it all worked out

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