Walking into Another Bad Waiting Period

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How do you react?
    It is easier for me to be excited for Bee's : (10 votes)
    42 %
    It is easier for me to be excited for my Girls IRL : (3 votes)
    13 %
    I am equally as excited, depending on how well I know the Girl IRL/Bee : (3 votes)
    13 %
    I am not too affected when someone else gets engaged : (8 votes)
    33 %
  • Post # 4
    271 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    @peachykeener:  I know how you feel.  But just keep in mind that your friends are probably looking at you and what your accomplishing and wishing that they did the same thing! Getting an education makes a huge difference in your long term happiness and you won’t regret it or that you had to wait a little longer to get engaged in the end.  I do totally know what you mean about having a hard time being happy for everyone around you.  Every one around me is either pregnant or just had a baby and even though I’m not even engaged yet, I feel sad sometimes because I can’t wait to experience having my first child.

    What’s important though is to do it in the order that is right for you.  One of the girls who just had her baby is going to be a single mom and she is already struggling financially.  I would not want to be in her shoes.  When the big day finally does come you will be so happy you did things the way that was right for you and your SO.

    Btw, a friend of mine waited 11 years for a proposal!! They started dating in high school and went through college, graduate school, and established their careers before getting engaged. It was a really long wait for her but now it’s pretty much stress free for them because they are in the right place in their lives with money saved.

    Post # 6
    2894 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @peachykeener:  I’m sorry you feel that way – it’s completely natural. A friend of mine married her college sweetheart a year after we all graduated, they went to grad school, started a family and started their careers and now they’re expecting #2. 


    I didn’t meet my FI until I was 29, already established in my career, had dropped out of grad school, etc. And you know what? She complains to me all the time about how tough it is – childcare costs, housing costs, not having a career because she’s a SAHM – and how she wishes she has my life. Cliche, but the grass is always greener on the other side. I missed out on growing up with my FI, but what can you do?


    Statistically speaking, if you go to college, you’re likely to get married in your mid-20’s, and if you go to grad school, you’re likely to get married in your late 20’s…and later if you’re on the coasts. 


    You’re doing great – you’re ahead of the curve with getting your degree, you have a wonderful person to share your life with, AND you both have priorities you want, not priorities that society has imposed. Focus on your career, your hobbies and doing things that will be tougher with kids. You don’t give up your life for kids, per se, but things change.


    Have some epic adventures, appease your curiosity and collect stories to tell your darling children so they get the sense that they can live their dreams and that anything is possible. You’ll have your family before you know it 😉

    Post # 8
    592 posts
    Busy bee

    I soooo understand how you feel! My best friend is getting married soon. She hates planning weddings so I’m constantly helping out(which I love because I get a lot of joy out of helping people) but its bittersweet knowing my SO isn’t in the same place as her fiance and all the crap of how we’ve been together longer than them ect seeps into my brain. I AM so happy and excited for her. But at the same time I can’t talk to her about my situation because I would never want to make her feel guilty for being happy. So its put a little space between us which will hopefully subside a little after the wedding. 

    I’m still in school too and worrking as well. I feel very similar, watching others get married and graduate and get jobs. The children thing doesn’t get to me as much though as I know I’m not ready for that yet myself. But its hard watching everyone else seem to walk or run forwards when you feel like you’re standing still. 

    I’m not 100% okay with waiting yet. I wanted to walk on my SO due to my past romantic history which makes me over protective of my wants sometimes. But my SO gave me a timeline and we agreed it was our compromise to work together on the relationship. A timeline helped relieve a lot of the tension between the two of us. As far as the rest of the stress of not being engaged/married, I just do thongs I know I won’t be able to when married. I splurge on a gift to myself without consulting anyone, I stay out all night with friends when I feel like it. I enjoy sexy/fun dates with my SO with no pressure of wedding finances over our head and pinching every penny. Things change a lot for the good and the difficult when you get engaged so I’m focusing on relishing what I’ll lose when that happens. 

    Post # 11
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    @peachykeener:  I don’t really have any advice for you I’m afraid, waiting is hard, especially when others around you are getting engaged and you know it’s because your life is taking a “long way” round journey!

    But in answer to your question – yes I am generally happier for Bees, but I think that’s because generally speaking I know we are all/ have all been waiting for a long time… and it’s tough. Whereas IRL my friends don’t talk about the waiting (maybe because they’re not feeling it, have had to wait less, I don’t know) so maybe that makes me feel like they had it easier than all us here? ….  Additionally FB announcements make me green.  But that’s a whole different story!

    Post # 12
    738 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @peachykeener:  Have you thought about making new friends that are in the same situation as you?  I agree it is hard to watch your friends move forward but perhaps hanging out with people that are waiting for similar legitimate reasons will make the wait more bearable.


    Post # 14
    425 posts
    Helper bee

    I can imagine how it could feel worse for people who are single and using Facebook. They would see so many people in long term relationships, marriages, having kids, etc. and possibly feel so far away from that “perfection”. I just use single people as an example. Anyone can feel that sense of discord as long as they’re comparing themselves to others.

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