Post # 1
I know others have posted about it and I realize there are a lot of options.
I am not close to my biological father and it’s a tense relationship, to say the least. He will be invited to the wedding along with his wife. But I’ve never pictured him walking me down the aisle.
I have a step dad I have known since I was 4. My mom and he are still married and care about him and his feelings very much but I don’t want to make the choice. I can’t say I’ve pictured him either. However, I’m pretty certain he assumes he will walk me down the aisle b/c he’s been in my life for as long as he has.
I thought I would have my grandfather but he died. Next in line would be my godfather but would likely cause a bit of drama.Since I don’t want to make the choice between my two dads, I decided not to make the choice. I’m pretty sure this is what I want.
So, do I need to officially tell my step dad I am walking myself down the aisle or that it could be my godfather? Or do I just stay quiet? I’m not sure of the way to do it. I want to be midful of feelings either way.
I’m a bit sad that I’ll be doing it alone, so I’m not ready to do it right this second, but is it better sooner rather than later?
Post # 3
Keep an open mind right now, if you date is really next year then you have plenty of time to make a final decision. If you do, however, decide that you will walk alone I think it would be nice of you to make it known. Not necessarily going to your step dad and telling him that you don’t want him to walk you down the aisle but casually bring up walking by yourself during a dinner or conversation so that he knows.
Post # 4
I had a similar dilemma. I am close to my Dad, but due to disability, he was unable to walk me. My parents assumed that I would ask my Mom and Stepmom to walk me together and I didn’t want that either. Once I decided to walk alone, I told my parents to clear up any assumptions or confusion. I explained to them that the reason I wanted to walk alone was because I am in independent woman giving myself freely to my husband. Even though I agree with that statement, it wasn’t the whole truth. But I used that excuse anyway because I didn’t want to hurt my mom or stepmom’s feelings.
Post # 5
@Birdee106: I’ve literally battled this since I was about 12. I’m 35 now. I’ll be 36 when we marry. I’ve literally thought this to death. I’m asking now, because I want to make sure to give plenty of time to have it be absorbed before our wedding.
I should have added that I did tell my mom right before we got engaged. She was really upset so I don’t know if she told him. Knowing her personality, she likely did not. But even if she did I feel this is something I should say myself.
I appreciate you suggesting to keep an open mind as I realize this is a very emotional time and subject and some could be swayed early on, perhaps saying something too soon. 🙂
Post # 6
@peasantsong: How did they react? How did you feel as you waited to walk? How about the actual walk? I’m terrified people are going to think I’m unusual and I’m nervous about it.
But long ago, I read something that said close your eyes and the first person you think of is the person that should walk you down the aisle. I’ve never seen either one of them.
I have considered asking my mom because she’s been with me my whole life but we have a strained relationship and I’m afraid it’s going to add stress instead of being a solution.
Post # 7
@Coral99: I didn’t say this in my previous post but I struggled a bit too with this decision. Not because i’m not close to my father but because he passed away when I was four and my mother and I have a very rough relationship. My mom really wanted to give me away and I really didn’t want to her. I thought the walk would be very emotional for me because of my dad but I really didn’t even think about it. I let me mom give me away when I got to the end of the aisle though. I met her and the end of the aisle, she stood up, gave me away and then I walked to my husband.
Maybe you could do something like that with your step dad?
Post # 8
Bring this up ASAP. I wanted to walk myself down the aisle for a million reasons:
1. My dress was huge and my aisle was not. There was no way anyone was going to fit next to me.
2. My father and I are still working on our relationship, but I didn’t know if he would actually show up to the wedding.
3. I don’t have another father figure that could’ve walked me down the aisle as my grandfather had passed away as well.
4. i’m super independent and no one was crazy about my relationship, or supportive, so why should they walk with me?
What ended up happening? My “means well but really wanted part of the spotlight” mother walked me down the aisle. She ended up stepping on my dress and yes, part of the undernneath ripped as I was walking down the aisle.
Looking back I should’ve addressed this immediately and then stood my ground. I should’ve had her walk me to the aisle and then let me walk by myself. ANYTHING other than what happened.
It’s such a hard conversation to have, so hard that I didn’t even have it. If I could go back, I would change that…and I’m a wedding planner for a living, so if I have a regret about my wedding, you know it’s a big deal.
Post # 9
@GoldenWeddingPlanners: Your reason 1 made me laugh so hard. LOL!!!
I appreciate the feedback. It is a really hard convo!! I appreciate you saying to stand my ground. I don’t do that at times when I should and it’s something I’m working on actually.
Post # 10
LOL. It was. I called my dress the comforter 😉 But it’s what I wanted so there ya go!
Best of luck with this! I totally get how this stresses brides out!
Post # 11
@Birdee106: Thanks for sharing that.
I thought about that. But then that puts me in the position of having to choose. Since I am inviting my biological dad he will see that, should he choose to show up. Him showing up is a whole different animal. He is very volitaile and unpredictable. I could get him jolly and ready for fun or get someone that starts yelling and saying innapropriate things.
I used to think I could have both meet me at the end but again, that would put him in the spotlight and I sincerely cannot depend on him to be calm and appropriate. I could actually see him yelling that it should be only him.
Gosh, this is so freakin’ hard. I do like your idea of your mom meeting you and then doing that. Did you do that because it felt right? Like something you thought you would regret?
Post # 12
Post # 13
I have always imagined myself walking down the aisle by myself however I know my mom really wants to walk me down the aise and I just don’t know what to do either….It hasn’t come up in conversation yet but I know it will. FI is totally supportive of me walking down the aisle alone so at least I have him in my corner. So if you really want to walk down the aise alone, go for it and just make sure everyone knows so no one gets blindsided and ends up really upset. Being upfront is probably the best choice in a case like this.
Post # 14
@lovelynners: my FI is totally supporgive, too. 🙂 Ugh. Tough stuff.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2012 - Cabin
My DH and I walked together. I didn’t want to be with anyone else. We had a moment alone outside before the wedding started and before we walked in.. It was the best decision.. And I have a father and step father that I do get along with. The news was taken well. I just said that was what I wanted to do, and they said, whatever makes you happy! Hopefully it will be just as easy for you.
Post # 16
Just say you feel it’s antiquated or something, and that you would prefer to forego the outdated image of being given from one man to another. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe it, and you don’t have to step on toes and explain complicated feelings if you do it that way.