I know that it is "traditional" to wear the veil over your face when you walk up the aisle and then to have your father lift it over your head when you reach the end of the aisle, but...how many of you are doing this? Why or why not? Can we talk about the pros and cons of covering your face with the veil to walk up the aisle?
Hmm... my father didn't even lift up the veil (because I forgot to tell him to). So, I had the veil in front of my face during the whole ceremony until the end. I wasn't originally going to wear a veil, but my grandmother made me a long one out of $5 worth of tulle the day of, so it was a nice surprise. I don't think there were any cons, except perhaps having someone to fluff out the veil with your dress train when you start walking down. One pro was the nice look that the veil gave with everything overall.
I don't think I want a veil. I'll try some on when I go shopping for my dress, but I just don't think I want anything covering up my face. I think it might irritate me. LoL. I don't know. I'm weird.
I did it because I loved the look. When I first tryed it I hated it. Then months later when I got my veil I tried it and loved it. I think a longer tulle made the difference, it was 24". My dad lifted it and was proud to do it (it makes some men nervous to have to lift it. I think everybody was able to see me through it just fine.
I'm going to do the traditional route with the veil covering my face down the aisle and father lifting it at the end. The veil is so sheer I'm not worried about my face being obscured for those 30 seconds down the aisle, and the symbolism is worth it to me.
I am, it's called a blusher and it's a seperate piece from the actual veil so it can be later removed. It's also good, because blushers are seamless and so you don't have anything that actually blocks your face - like sparkles in the line of vision. Or a line of satin along the bottom kinda "chopping" you in half there.
I'm doing it because I think it's a sweet tradition and I know my dad is looking forward to it. I've considered being funny and wearing "Big Bubba" fake teeth so that when dad lifts it he cracks up....I think I'll skip it though.
Mine was a two-tier veil, so it wasn't a blusher, but I did wear it over my face down the aisle.
Honestly, I don't dig the symbolism and for that reason kind of wish I didn't do it. I was a virgin, but don't really like to tell the world about my sexual status... I didn't want to be walked down the aisle either, though. But both of those things just meant a lot to my dad (first daughter, first married, he's kind of had a lot of time to expect it and put hope into it...). In the end, I did it for my family and not for myself.
On the plus side, some parents were telling me their little girls questions after the wedding. "Why is she hiding her face? Is she shy?" :D (I told them I wanted my FI to be surprised by how beautiful I was)
I'm still trying to determine whether I want a blusher.
I spoke with my officiant who has been officiating for decades and he said in my deliberation of whether to use one or not, he told me that people used to do it back in the day when the groom would not see the bride until they married. It was used to cover her face (just in case she wasn't esthetically pleasing...) so that the groom would not change his mind prior to saying I do.
I'm wearing a drop veil and having part of it cover my face (either that or a manitlla, depending on how "fancy" my dress is). Both of my parents will be walking me down the aisle, so maybe I'll have them both lift it? Or I might just lift it myself to rid all of that virginity/ugly bride symbolism.
First off, Candie1024, I think the veil looks beautiful on you. However, to me the whole tradition is just kinda icky. I think it gives the wrong message. One that I'm hiding something, I'm either not walking into the marriage proudly as an equal, or I'm hiding something from the groom. The second part, the idea that I belong to my father, and I am a gift to be unveiled at the altar also seems icky. I too struggled with the idea of just my father walking me up the aisle, I would have preferred both my parents walking me up, because they both raised me, rather than just my father. Anyway, I won't be covering my face as I walk up the aisle (except with makeup, which, come to think of it . . . )
Hmm... I think of it totally differently. At Jewish weddings, the groom actually lowers the veil over the bride's face before the ceremony - as a way to say that he is accepting her not just for her outer beauty, but her inner beauty as well. I don't see it as hiding anything.
I think wearing the veil is a personal choice but deciding to wear one or not based on the old symbolism is kind of silly...almost EVERYTHING in a wedding has a connection to old sexist symbolism. So if you don't wear a veil cause you think it has weird symbolism then by the same logic you really shouldn't wear a white dress, or carry flowers cause that use to symbolize fertility, or have a bouquet toss, or garter toss, and don't even think of cutting the cake and feeding each other cause that has all sorts of crazy fertility symbolism as well.
There is just no way to get around the fact that a wedding use to be a business transaction where ownership of a woman was passed from one man to another.
The point is that none of these things mean what they use to so I wouldn't get caught up in it. No one sees you in a white dress and veil and thinks "oh look a virgin!" It's pretty much a fashion choice now. Do you like the way it looks and do you feel comfortable? If not don't wear it. If so, go for it.
There are so many things done in a Jewish wedding that makes me want to have one! The symbolism is amazing. What you mentioned, the glass breaking...I love it!!!!!!
It was because of a lot of that symbolism that we didn't do any of the things mentioned, BB. Maybe a wedding used to be a transaction, but eliminating certain aspects of it isn't really futile either. Kind of like how some women choose not to change their last name upon marriage because of what it used to mean.
And many people still do associate the white dress with a woman's sexual status. (I got a lot of flak about my non-white dress and what it might cause people to think of me *insert eye roll*)
I'm all for if you like it, go for it, but there's also nothing wrong with objecting to something on principle.
To EK, please dont think you cant borrow any little thing you like from Judaism, if it has a nice meaning for you, then you should do it. But I have to correct an earlier entry, the lowering of the veil may have taken on a modern translation that the groom accepts her for her inner beauty but the truth is, this lowering is usually done BEFORE the wedding in a private room. It is called a bedekken, the original reason dates back to a groom being tricked into marrying his intended's much older sister. Now he places the veil and makes sure it is the right girl!
What I find amusing is how much the symbolism of many of these traditions have changed over the years. What was primarily a practical matter has been romanticized or given a religious context. One can say that the veil is about virginity and purity, but looking back to the business arrangement aspect of weddings, and it becomes a handy tool for hiding unsightly merchandise or pulling a bait and switch, as JCM and ju1244 have noted.
Most modern wedding traditions, at least their current symbolisms, are relatively new. For example, the white dress. In western Europe, the traditional wedding dress was actually blue. Queen Victoria popularized the white dress that we know today.
What it all boils down to is that you can basically pick and choose whatever traditions you want to include, and you can assign your own symbolism to them. Make it your own! If that means having a hybrid wedding of cultural traditions around the world, with modern romantic interpretations of old customs, go for it. :)
I know that it is "traditional" to wear the veil over your face when you walk up the aisle and then to have your father lift it over your head when you reach the end of the aisle, but...how many of you are doing this? Why or why not? Can we talk about the pros and cons of covering your face with the veil to walk up the aisle?
posted by MissTeaberry 69 posts 5 months agoHmm... my father didn't even lift up the veil (because I forgot to tell him to). So, I had the veil in front of my face during the whole ceremony until the end. I wasn't originally going to wear a veil, but my grandmother made me a long one out of $5 worth of tulle the day of, so it was a nice surprise. I don't think there were any cons, except perhaps having someone to fluff out the veil with your dress train when you start walking down. One pro was the nice look that the veil gave with everything overall.
posted by NiftyBa 95 posts 5 months agoI don't think I want a veil. I'll try some on when I go shopping for my dress, but I just don't think I want anything covering up my face. I think it might irritate me. LoL. I don't know. I'm weird.
posted by BriLJL 99 posts 5 months agoI did it because I loved the look. When I first tryed it I hated it. Then months later when I got my veil I tried it and loved it. I think a longer tulle made the difference, it was 24". My dad lifted it and was proud to do it (it makes some men nervous to have to lift it. I think everybody was able to see me through it just fine.
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posted by Candi1024 304 posts 5 months agoI'm going to do the traditional route with the veil covering my face down the aisle and father lifting it at the end. The veil is so sheer I'm not worried about my face being obscured for those 30 seconds down the aisle, and the symbolism is worth it to me.
posted by chelseamorning 208 posts 5 months agoI thought it was traditional to have your husband lift up your veil at the end of the ceremony right before you kiss.
Logistically, I think it depends on the sheerness of your veil. You definitely want to be able to see where you're going.
Also ditto chelseamorning on the symbolism.
posted by jasminewwong 11 posts 5 months agoI am, it's called a blusher and it's a seperate piece from the actual veil so it can be later removed. It's also good, because blushers are seamless and so you don't have anything that actually blocks your face - like sparkles in the line of vision. Or a line of satin along the bottom kinda "chopping" you in half there.
I'm doing it because I think it's a sweet tradition and I know my dad is looking forward to it. I've considered being funny and wearing "Big Bubba" fake teeth so that when dad lifts it he cracks up....I think I'll skip it though.
posted by Sweeney2Be 1,488 posts 5 months agoMine was a two-tier veil, so it wasn't a blusher, but I did wear it over my face down the aisle.
Honestly, I don't dig the symbolism and for that reason kind of wish I didn't do it. I was a virgin, but don't really like to tell the world about my sexual status...
I didn't want to be walked down the aisle either, though. But both of those things just meant a lot to my dad (first daughter, first married, he's kind of had a lot of time to expect it and put hope into it...). In the end, I did it for my family and not for myself.
On the plus side, some parents were telling me their little girls questions after the wedding. "Why is she hiding her face? Is she shy?" :D (I told them I wanted my FI to be surprised by how beautiful I was)
posted by bethgraced 105 posts 5 months agoI'm still trying to determine whether I want a blusher.
I spoke with my officiant who has been officiating for decades and he said in my deliberation of whether to use one or not, he told me that people used to do it back in the day when the groom would not see the bride until they married. It was used to cover her face (just in case she wasn't esthetically pleasing...) so that the groom would not change his mind prior to saying I do.
Interesting!
posted by JCM9608 466 posts 5 months agoI'm wearing a drop veil and having part of it cover my face (either that or a manitlla, depending on how "fancy" my dress is). Both of my parents will be walking me down the aisle, so maybe I'll have them both lift it? Or I might just lift it myself to rid all of that virginity/ugly bride symbolism.
posted by briannie 183 posts 5 months agoFirst off, Candie1024, I think the veil looks beautiful on you. However, to me the whole tradition is just kinda icky. I think it gives the wrong message. One that I'm hiding something, I'm either not walking into the marriage proudly as an equal, or I'm hiding something from the groom. The second part, the idea that I belong to my father, and I am a gift to be unveiled at the altar also seems icky. I too struggled with the idea of just my father walking me up the aisle, I would have preferred both my parents walking me up, because they both raised me, rather than just my father. Anyway, I won't be covering my face as I walk up the aisle (except with makeup, which, come to think of it . . . )
posted by BettyB 11 posts 5 months agoHmm... I think of it totally differently. At Jewish weddings, the groom actually lowers the veil over the bride's face before the ceremony - as a way to say that he is accepting her not just for her outer beauty, but her inner beauty as well. I don't see it as hiding anything.
posted by EK 181 posts 5 months agoI think wearing the veil is a personal choice but deciding to wear one or not based on the old symbolism is kind of silly...almost EVERYTHING in a wedding has a connection to old sexist symbolism. So if you don't wear a veil cause you think it has weird symbolism then by the same logic you really shouldn't wear a white dress, or carry flowers cause that use to symbolize fertility, or have a bouquet toss, or garter toss, and don't even think of cutting the cake and feeding each other cause that has all sorts of crazy fertility symbolism as well.
There is just no way to get around the fact that a wedding use to be a business transaction where ownership of a woman was passed from one man to another.
The point is that none of these things mean what they use to so I wouldn't get caught up in it. No one sees you in a white dress and veil and thinks "oh look a virgin!" It's pretty much a fashion choice now. Do you like the way it looks and do you feel comfortable? If not don't wear it. If so, go for it.
posted by BaghdadBride 205 posts 5 months agoEK,
There are so many things done in a Jewish wedding that makes me want to have one! The symbolism is amazing. What you mentioned, the glass breaking...I love it!!!!!!
It would be strange to do it anyway, huh?
posted by JCM9608 466 posts 5 months agoIt was because of a lot of that symbolism that we didn't do any of the things mentioned, BB. Maybe a wedding used to be a transaction, but eliminating certain aspects of it isn't really futile either. Kind of like how some women choose not to change their last name upon marriage because of what it used to mean.
And many people still do associate the white dress with a woman's sexual status. (I got a lot of flak about my non-white dress and what it might cause people to think of me *insert eye roll*)
I'm all for if you like it, go for it, but there's also nothing wrong with objecting to something on principle.
posted by peihan17 222 posts 5 months agoTo EK, please dont think you cant borrow any little thing you like from Judaism, if it has a nice meaning for you, then you should do it. But I have to correct an earlier entry, the lowering of the veil may have taken on a modern translation that the groom accepts her for her inner beauty but the truth is, this lowering is usually done BEFORE the wedding in a private room. It is called a bedekken, the original reason dates back to a groom being tricked into marrying his intended's much older sister. Now he places the veil and makes sure it is the right girl!
posted by ju1244 254 posts 5 months agoWhat I find amusing is how much the symbolism of many of these traditions have changed over the years. What was primarily a practical matter has been romanticized or given a religious context. One can say that the veil is about virginity and purity, but looking back to the business arrangement aspect of weddings, and it becomes a handy tool for hiding unsightly merchandise or pulling a bait and switch, as JCM and ju1244 have noted.
Most modern wedding traditions, at least their current symbolisms, are relatively new. For example, the white dress. In western Europe, the traditional wedding dress was actually blue. Queen Victoria popularized the white dress that we know today.
What it all boils down to is that you can basically pick and choose whatever traditions you want to include, and you can assign your own symbolism to them. Make it your own! If that means having a hybrid wedding of cultural traditions around the world, with modern romantic interpretations of old customs, go for it. :)
posted by shinymonkey 18 posts 5 months ago