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My take on "Video killed the radio star" for the 21st century... not nearly as catchy.
So, my sister-in-law got engaged two days ago, and we found out via Facebook because her fiance's mom posted that she was "so happy her son was finally engaged" before she could even call us herself.
The same thing happened when we got engaged and someone who'd heard posted "congratulations on your engagement" on my wall within two hours. Luckily I'd at least told my parents, and my grandma (who called my aunt who posted immediately).
I just don't get why people wouldn't THINK that if someone hadn't posted it themselves, maybe they weren't ready for the mass announcement. I never allude to news unless they've posted themselves, or I'm sure it's public knowledge that they're comfortable sharing.
Anybody else get beat to the punch by facebook? What's your rule about posting about your facebook friend's rule?
I never say anything unless they've posted something about it themselves, whether it be an engagement, finding out their pregnant, etc. I also tried to tell everyone who I thought needed to know we were engaged before changing our status on facebook. I think we waited a week before we went from "in a relationship" to "engaged" and thankfully nobody said anything on my wall until then!
My Daddy told everyone before we could. lol He had already typed the text while FH was on his knee. He pressed send as soon as I said yes.
Nobody beat us to the punch but we've been frustrated by FI's brother and his wife posting things on Facebook before telling anyone. They never actually announced their engagement, we found out on Facebook. Then one day she posted about how she was about to take a very important test and how she finally got the results she wanted. We figured she was pregnant and she was, which made the announcement less special. They post every big thing on Facebook though before telling us really to the point where FI talked to his brother about wanting to know before. He's started to try to do this but sometimes it's hard when she posts it without him knowing and then he tells us. I would never have put it on someone's wall without them putting something up first though.
I was still in school when we got engaged and I wanted to have a candle lighting with my sorority and keep it top secret so after he proposed on Friday I deleted my facebook until all my sorority sisters found out on Monday night. We didn't tell too many people before Monday, but I didn't want to take any chances. I don't ever post on anyones wall until they publicly put the news out on facebook. It would really bum me out if someone posted leaked information that I didn't want out yet. I don't share too much information and I rarely update anything some people just share WAY to much on there.
my fiance spilled the beans before I was able to tell everyone I wanted to. for some reason he thought it would not show up that he had changed his relationship status to engaged until I accepeted his request... yea not so much. My mom went into the hospital the night we got enagaged so I only was able to actually call 2 of my close friends. Facebook killed telling a lot of people personally. The teased about it for a while lol
@trugem: Ok, I didn't want to say this right in the main question so as not to stir up controversey or something... but do you think it's older people really just not understanding how far reaching facebook is?
My cousin wrote a post about how she was applying to be a nanny, and her mom was like... "I remember when you used to babysit your brother and you'd chase him with a knife, haha" Umm... an employer is totally going to look at your page as much as they can. Out of context, they might not realize that it was one of those fake retractable ones, and like 13 years ago.
I can't stand that! Thankfully we didn't deal with any "outters" with our engagement but a friend of mine was outted after unfortunately losing her baby last year. A friend of her mothers posted how sorry she was for her loss before my friend had told anyone. As soon as she saw the post, she removed it but tons of people had already saw it and knew what happened. It was something that my friend wanted to deal with on her own and certainly didn't want to have to explain to her FB friends, of all people!
I'll never understand why people think its okay to post these things. After the couple/individual has made the announcement, go ahead and post away but until then KEEP YOUR DAMN TRAP SHUT!
ETA: Now that I think about it, our engagement was announced before it was even official but it wasn't done for all of the FB world to see. After FI called my parents to ask for their permission to marry me, my mother emailed our whole damn family. I was kind of bummed that I didn't get to tell them but I got over it pretty quickly. My grandmother still acted surprised even after I called her a liar since I knew she knew.
@UpstateCait: That is terrible. I would have been mortified for my "you didn't like me in highschool, but I want to snoop your facebook page, so I'm accepting your friend invite" type friends to know that kind of personal information about me.
My sister posted our baby's name on facebook when we weren't sharing it yet, except for immediate family members. It was just a reply to a comment, and no one else picked up on it. Despite all the pictures, comments, and statuses about us being pregnant, so many people ask OVER AND OVER when we are due, it it's a boy or girl, how far along we are, etc... I agree that people share way too much! It's nice to congratulate people, but I'd rather have it in an email or text, than a public forum if I haven't posted that news myself.
I guess my family is the secretive type because my sister is due any day with her first child, and nothing came up on facebook until 3 days ago when she posted a pic of herself with her pregnant belly. I never said anything about it on facebook because it isn't my announcement to make; it's her's.
Same went with when FI and I got engaged. I called my entire family, and he called his entire family. We changed our facebook statuses a day later, and nobody had said anything about it prior to that.
His mother is the only one that really uses facebook out of our entire families. My mom can't figure it out. LOL.
@SapphireSun: Absolutely. I would have FLIPPED OUT if that were me!
@SapphireSun: In a way. My Daddy sent text messages not a fb message.
My grandmother's friend tries to comment on my status sometimes and I really wish she wouldn't because it is not something you would want everyone to see.
meh, its been 2 days so i wouldnt be too fussed about someone making a post about news that was 2 days old plus not everyone is on their FB page every day to update it. is your SIL your husbands sister? i would have thougth you would have gotten a phone call within those 2 days
I blocked my facebook wall when i got engaged. My sister wanted to update her facebook status right away and I said no, please wait until I could tell people personally. It made it so people could only send private messages.
I found out my sister was engaged on facebook, but she never bothered to call me in the first place, so i guess that's something.
@eloping: It happened Saturday evening and the message was on my newsfeed Sunday morning. We'd been playing a bit of telephone tag yesterday, even though we already knew.
You shouldn't post unless the person themselves has announced. I'm amazed by how many morons out there don't use common sense.
I was driving back from holidays after my DH had proposed and received calls from people who had seen somethign on facebook. My mother had told some friends who had decided to write 'congratualtions on your engagement' across my wall.
FACEBOOK thats how we annouced our engagement. I do not see a problem with it your friends and family are happy yeah they beat you to the point. But its FACEBOOK a networking website. Less money you have to spend on Save the Dates and wedding invites.
Oh goodness! I'm afraid that when I get pregnant, the same thing will happen!
A friend of mine had her pregnancy accidentally outed by her mother. It was an innocent slip, though, I just happened to catch it. I was careful not to congratulate her until AFTER she posted her own announcement!
There are worse things, though. After telling my parents and calling his mom, we changed our facebook statuses to "engaged" - and only ONE of my friends congratulated me. Yeah. Wtf.
I put somewhat of a gag-order (until we set our date) on the one person who can't hold water....MY Dad...especially since he has found Facebook this year and puts everything on there.
When I told people about my engagement I immediately told them don't put anything on Facebook because we wanted to be able to tell people. And some people were like oh good thing you said something or I would have. Like really? Let us announce it on facebook! Then go ahead and congragulate but its not your news to share.
We got engaged last night and agreed on a 24 hour waiting period for FB. We'll make the announcement there tonight. We wanted a chance to tell our parents, grandparents, and siblings as well as let them spread the news to aunts, uncles, etc. I'm counting down the minutes until we change our statuses though. I'm almost as excited for that as I was to tell those closest to us.
Yup! I called my grandmother and told her, then called my sister next. Was only going to tell immediate family that night and make all my other calls the next day (Saturday).
Within 5 min of hanging up with my sister, her bf posted "Congratulations!" on my wall.
Thankfully it wasn't more specific than that, but I ended up making a WHOLE lot more calls that night then I had planned because of it.
That is why I have nothing on my facebook, not even going to post whether or not I am engaged for that reason. I have a lot of people on my facebook who I honestly don't care much about on the best of days, but keep them on because I want to still keep that contact, so hence that sole purpose of stalking, I have nearly nothing on my profile, not even allowing people to post comments.
I find its no one's business what my marital status is or anything else for that matter.
Its really unfortunate this happened :( hope nothing else was screwed up for you.
@SapphireSun: The EXACT same thing happened with us. AND people got upset because we didn't tell them "they had to hear about it on Facebook". Ummmmmmmm sorry I didn't update my status within the first 15 seconds of being engaged! LOL!!
When we started making our calls it went a little something like this:
"We are engaged...yay!!!"
*insert proposal story and gushing back and forth with loved ones*
"DON'T POST ANYTHING ON FACEBOOK."
We tried to be SUPER careful about this. When we were calling family and whatnot we made sure to specifically say "We are NOT putting it on facebook yet, so don't say anything on there." We wanted to tell our Youth Group kids and my work friends in person before anything came out on facebook (because we knew the 60+ teenagers would not be able to keep it a facebook secret haha).
We checked our pages ALL the time (until we told everybody in person that we needed to) to hopefully quickly delete anything that was said. Luckily no one said anything.
@R.Elliott: My FI proposed and invited all of our friends and family. So right after I said yes, they went to posting! LOL!!!!!!!!
http://fightingbridezillas.blogspot.com/2010/10/dcsquareds-proposal.html
Somebody definitely posted something to my or my fiance's wall before we announced it on Facebook. He put something really generic though like "congrats!" so it didn't bother me too much. I don't know what goes through people's heads though. Maybe they want to seem "in the know"?
As soon as I got engaged my sister and niece updated their facebook status. They were excited so I didn't make a big deal out of it. I’ve never and will never post my engagement on my FB status. I just thanked everyone for their well wishes. The people that are supposed to know are well informed
My Bridesmaid posted a picture of me in my wedding dress on Facebook (it was a very ugly picture, greasy hair, bra still on). She took it down as soon as I asked, but it was too late many people already saw. Some people really have no clue.
That being said, I was SO excited to be engaged (we've been together for 6 years!) that I called all close family and friends (calling people at 10pm even!) so that I could post it on Facebook asap! I know that's so silly! But I was so excited and wanted to tell the world!
I specifically told my BMs and GMs not to post wedding info on facebook.. because I wanted certain people to hear about it from me and not from a facebook wall update.ugh! I dont know whats going on with the world, people are losing their personal touch
Ah same thing happened to us! My fiance's good friend (and GM) posted it before we could even call my best friend (and MOH!). I was furious and so hurt. It caused so much drama that she found out thru facebook before me. I just wanted to tell her in a special way rather than over the phone. Sometimes people just forget that facebook is not the place to do big annoucements. Like you said, unless the person engaged posts something, they shouldn't do it yet.
I got beat to the punchline...by my fiance. He'd announced it on FB before I even had a chance to call my mom. I wasn't mad, I just knew that must mean he was really excited about it.
I'm not engaged yet, but I'm planning on deactivating my account as soon as I know he's proposing. I'm debating on whether or not to call or show people in person.
We got engaged before we signed up for FB, so we didn't get outed on there, but we got engaged the second day of a week cruise, and I sent a text with a pic of the ring to my BFF, who told our other BF, who told EVERYONE. by the time we got home, all our friends knew and were calling to congratulate. I know some people don't care, but it pissed me off and we ended up not talking for a few months because of it. So when she called to tell me she was pregnant but didn't want everyone to know, i told her I should tell everyone like she did to me, but I wouldn't do that to her like she did to me.
For me, I wasn't bothered by it. My DH's family and friends knew he was asking. I think one person mentioned it on my FB wall. I'll admit that I post things on friend's wall in response to something I heard. It's only in excitement that I do it. I don't mean to steal their moment.
But for someone who doesn't want news to come out like my brother's gf having a baby and him not wanting work to find out. He did the sly, quick erase and then messaged us telling us not to post things about the baby on his wall.
I know he was annoyed by it but for me, as someone who is a facebook junkie and I'm on fb all the time, I don't seem to mind it.
Like I don't mind it when people tag myself in unflattering photos.. I know I can un-tag myself but people who are not fb addicts like myself, they may not like that or know that they can untag or remove comments.
With that being said, I am a bit hesitant now in tagging my friends in my photos because I don't know if they want to be tagged.
ETA: Oh, also, I moved across the country from all of my family and friends, so facebook is like the only way I communicate. I do text but some people don't get texts and being on the west coast and my fam and friends being on the east coast, it can get very hard to call them at a good time.
I stopped my now husband from making a status update minutes after we got engaged...so I could call all of the people I wanted to. There were a few status updates about us...but not many people posted on our walls until we actually changed our relationship status. I make an effort to wait until the couple says something about their engagement before I say something.
Some people just like the be the ones to tell other people everything...even if it isn't their news.
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