(Closed) Wanahca’s story

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Post # 4
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

That doesn’t sound like a great relationship to me if he can’t talk like a grown-up about marriage. What’s his deal?

Post # 5
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

… him TELLING you that you’re getting married is a big ol’ red flag. Marriage should be a mutual decision, preceded by lots and lots and LOTS of conversation. Do not pass go, do not collect a marriage license until you’ve sat down and talked with him about EVERYTHING, including the fact that you are your own person and make your own decisions.

Post # 7
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Hmm I don’t see him telling you you’re going to get married is a huge deal, I assume you spoke about that before the text message. Have y’all sat down and had a conversation about marriage?  You say you’ve been together 8 years, how old are you-all (not that it matters, but sometimes it takes guys a bit to get accustomed to the idea of being married). 

Post # 9
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

The bigger red flag to me is that he seems to use getting married in order to control you. Making promises he doesn’t keep? Telling you you’re getting married after running into your ex kind of reeks of insecurity on his part, but then withholding it as punishment when you do something he doesn’t like? And getting angry when you want to have just a little bit of input into what is your wedding, too? Studies have shown that one of the qualities of couples who stay together for 20, 30+ years is that they fight fair. He doesn’t sound like one of those people. I wish you the best, but it sounds like you have a lot to think about. Is he really and truly a loving and sensitive person, or do you think you might be ignoring some pretty big red flags because you love him so much?

Post # 10
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I wanted to welcome you to the hive! Without sounding judgemental, I will just say, someone saying they don’t want to commit for atleast another 4 years, after the length of time that you’ve been together, would shake me something serious.

Only you know your man and the truth of your relationship, so I’m sure you are doing what you feel best for yourself and as a Christian, you know that your answers will be presented through prayer and faith.

Post # 11
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

That’s really cool that he owns his own place!!! I wish lol! I think we may be hearing part of the story and perhaps things aren’t coming across well via a computer screen.  It seems like he has everything in order so marriage should be next in order .Do the two of you share the same religious beliefs (just wondering why you’re leaving with people and he’s living alone with the dog). I think 8 years and being almost 30 is plenty of time to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.  Perhaps you two need to sit down and have a discussion.

Post # 13
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Not to steer away from the topic at hand but I have my doubts about the validity of the statistics that say couples who cohabitatw are more likely to get divorced. Studies like that can never prove causation and to my mind if your morals and culture disallow living together before marriage (I can think of many religions and cultures that do) it’s probably the type of environment that SEVERELY discourages (to the point of basically disallowing) divorce as well.

So it’s not necessarily true that couples who don’t live togehter first are better off/happier/more in love. It’s just that the circumstances that basically discouraged them to live together also discourages them to divorce down the line.

Full disclosure: I live with my BF, and I’m not religious. 🙂

But back to the topic. If this is the guy you want to marry you should start working on those marital conversation skills now. You say that a few months ago he said you were getting married in a civil service in ONE month. So it seems that time passed and you’re still waiting again. He seems to be all talk and no action. I would definitely sit him down and have a serious conversation about timelines. Say that it seems you both are interested in getting married, but since you haven’t talked about when now is a good time.

If he balks again it’s a good time to get into WHY he is balking after 8 years together.

Post # 15
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Interesting studies… I will go back to our subject though…

As another bee said, prayer and faith will bring you to the right decision. God shows you His way, listen to what He’s telling you…

Post # 16
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I have no advice really but good luck!

The topic ‘Wanahca’s story’ is closed to new replies.

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