Wanking while I was asleep

posted 1 year ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Wanking while wife is asleep
    Totally fine : (161 votes)
    32 %
    Totally disrespectful : (77 votes)
    15 %
    You're being too sensitive : (258 votes)
    52 %
    You are being too generous : (3 votes)
    1 %
  • Member
    3714 posts
    Sugar bee

    The fact that he is a liar is the big issue for me.  Lying is totally unacceptable.

    Member
    1164 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think he needs privacy :)

    Member
    539 posts
    Busy bee

    You are being a bit crazy and over the top. 

    Guess what my guy does when he takes longer showers? I don’t question him and start an argument. It’s natural and we have a healthy sex life. You need to get over it. 

     

    Member
    1612 posts
    Bumble bee

    @KellyLouise:  

     

    @MrsFuzzyFace:  

     

    He is only lying because you’ve stigmatized something that is totally normal. Not only should he masturbate, but you probably should to. Instead of making it about you not being able to satisfy him, understand that it isn’t about you. Do some research on the health benefits of masturbation.

    Member
    6825 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Honestly, I don’t care if my fi were to do such a thing. The lying is the part i’d have a problem with. ONE time, before we got together, he lied to me about having a previous relationship with a girl I could I didn’t like, at all. After we got involved, he would act goofy when I said her name. And eventually, he told me that he had had sex with her [before we were together]. It had hurt he kept this from me. And I told him if he EVER lied again, no matter how much it might hurt my feelings to know the truth – that’d we be done. I don’t lie to him, I would like the same in return.

    As for the one hand mamba – Everyone gets urges. Sometimes I make plans with my self when he’s not around, I assume he does the same. [In fact, I know he does the same]. It doesn’t bother me, and I find it quite normal. Then again, I also don’t care if he watches porn. Hell, I like porn!

    Member
    582 posts
    Busy bee

    I mean, lying isn’t good, but you did confront him about something many people find very shameful/embarrassing. I think it’s unfortunate that he would have to feel the need to sneak around about it. If he were looking at pictures or clips of other women while doing it I could maybe understand feeling a little jealous, but you said he even took your underwear. Give the poor guy a break.

     

    Member
    3573 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’ve taken care of myself while my husband is asleep!  And I’d most likely lie to him if he were to catch me… It’s not a sign that our relationship is in jeopardy~ it’s embarrassment.  Give the guy some space. 

     

    Member
    1535 posts
    Bumble bee

    @KellyLouise:  This wouldn’t bother me at all.  My fiance jerks off sometimes and I masturbate sometimes (sorry for the TMI, but I’m just being honest).  It has nothing to do with being unable to pleasure each other … Sometimes, though, the mood strikes and the other person is unavailable, asleep, sick, not in the mood, etc.  

    I guess I just don’t see the big deal.  I agree with subtlebee’s comment that he likely lied about it because you’ve stigmatized it.

    Member
    9241 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Yikes… I think making masturbation a shameful thing is a dangerous road to go down in the first place.  While he shouldn’t be lying to you I think you should really consider why it bothers you so much.  A little self-exploration and pleasure is completely normal, and I think actually good for both your sex lives. 

    Jeez, I do myself probably a couple times a week.  It’s not that I don’t like what my husband does, but there’s something about being able to be completely selfish about it that sometimes gives it the edge over sex with partner.  You don’t have to lay there and feel bad about your mind wandering to fantasies, wondering if it feels good for him, or if his neck, arms, tongue whatever are getting tired, or if your butt’s jiggling too much to be cute.  And it helps me direct him to what feels good when we do have time together.

    So, yes, I think he shouldn’t have lied, but you need to stop making it a taboo. 

    Member
    2431 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You seriously want to sleep in another room over this for a week? Sorry, that is way overreacting to me. 

    At some point, even if you don’t like it, I think you have to accept that masturbating is natural for a lot of people. It’s not worth shaming your husband about, nor turning it into such a huge issue in your marriage. You say you just don’t want to know about it, but then question him and harass him until he admits it, and then get pissed at the truth. There was no way for him to escape this without getting in trouble, and that’s just not fair. 

    Moral of the story…pick your battles. 

    Member
    6825 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @KellyLouise:  I’m sorry, but this is very childish. You say you’re over it, but you want to pretend you’re husbandless? So.. he’s wifeless. I’m not very certain I would like where that’s headed.

    Member
    1612 posts
    Bumble bee

    @KellyLouise:  Do what you feel is best for you. For better or for worst it’s your relationship. If he is cool with you limiting that particular impulse then I won’t judge!

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