Want a baby but not a child…weird feelings!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@Stiletto13:  Haha, in some ways I know what you mean. But what I would say, is that if you want the “baby” experience, but no interest in raising a child, you could volunteer in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) as a baby swoddler. You basically rock babies to sleep when their parents can’t be at the hospital, it’s a great experience.

The good news, is you have time because 27 isn’t that old. You could always try babysitting toddlers-10 year olds and see if you enjoy it. While it is exactly the same, it’s similar. If you really don’t envision enjoying parenthood, that’s not a bad thing, but you probably shouldn’t have a child (not saying that in a mean way).

Post # 4
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Oh man, I hear ya. We’re TTC at the moment, but I can’t really wrap my brain around any of it. I actually have no desire to be pregnant or have a newborn, I’d just prefer it if our well-behaved 7-year old could appear instead, lol. I’m trusting everyone’s advice when they say “you’ll feel differently when it’s your own kid”, and counting on those hormones…

Post # 5
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am 30 and I want kids/babies more so than FI does right now. I do get upset about not having kids or “us” not being ready to have kids yet, but there are also times that I am SO glad we haven’t made that commitment yet. My mother was 34 when she had me and she said she wouldn’t have done it any earlier because she was able to live her life and experience those things she probably couldn’t do if she had us.

I completely understand how you feel, its like my heart (and my womb, that poor thing haha) wants to be pregs so bad, but my brain freaks out at the thought of being responsible for another life. 

Post # 6
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Stiletto13:  I think I know what you mean.  I’m still on the fence if I really want children (definitely not for another 5-7 years), but I do sometimes feel like I want to experience pregnancy, childbirth, and having a newborn.  

I don’t have concerns about little kids/toddlers, but more so about being a parent, and the huge committment and change to my life that would go along with it.

Post # 7
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Funny because I’m the exact opposite.  I totally want to have a family, toddler age up sounds great to me.  But I have no desire to be pregnant or deal with a baby.  How about you have a baby and I’ll raise it? Wink

Really we’re just no where ready to have kids.  I’m thinking once we’re closer maybe the whole thing will sound more appealing.

Post # 8
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Stiletto13:  …and then you get pregnant and then you’d be like, “Nope. I’m so over this crap.” Lol. That’s the point I’m at and I think there are plenty of pregnant mamas to agree. It isn’t all smiles.

While babies are cute and cuddly they can’t talk. You pretty much have to be a mind reader. Young kids, while disgusting sometimes and whiney, at least they can tell you what they need or why they are crying. Teenagers? My most dreaded. I don’t even want to think about my son as a teen right now.

You will deal with stuff at every stage of the child’s life, starting with your pregnancy, but somehow you change during pregnancy. I don’t advocate getting pregnant if you only like babies, and I am sure you already don’t plan on doing that.

 

Post # 9
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Stiletto13:  I felt just like that at your age.  In fact, I had the exact same thought of have a baby, then you raise it, then you die.  Not a very appealing thought.  Now that I am 30 everything just clicked and I’m ready for all of it, even the terrible twos.

Post # 10
Member
6740 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

At least from my experience (2 kids) the opposite is true. As my daughters get older I enjoy them more and more. The first 6 months of having a baby really suck.

Post # 11
Member
5007 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Stiletto13:  I am totally looking forward to having a baby and a young kid BUT I have NO desire to have a teenager!! I can’t imagine having a 14 year old or a 16 year old. That sounds like torture! LOL – I can imagine having adult children also and thinking that’s great as I get older but the teenage years are hard for me to imagine! 

Post # 12
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

I have a 17 year old daughter so I can tell you how it is. The truth is that you don’t get a baby.  You get a person.  And you don’t get a child.  You get your and your husband’s child.  

 

Post # 13
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That’s exactly how I felt up until a couple of years ago!

“Babies are so cute! ….When I visit the infant room (I worked in a daycare) and I can leave whenever I want.”

Then I wanted to be in the infant room all the time. Then I wound up one of the teachers… Then I wound up sad at night when all the babies went home!

Then I got pregnant. In my case, it escalated over the space of a year!

Post # 14
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Stiletto13:  I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom, even when I was very very young. I can’t really relate to your post, though I can sympathize about the baby fever. I’m 25 and I’m itching to start for one soon – not going to happen though.

I would suggest that you guys sit down every so often and check in with what the other thinks about the topic of kids. Your views may evolve and change over time, so talking once in a while will help make sure you guys are still on the same page.

If you know anyone with a little baby or a young kid, maybe you could see about babysitting once in a while. Watching a baby may help soothe your biological urges and caring for a toddler could help you see what kids that age are actually like (the good and the bad).

Post # 15
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I used to feel the same way until I started working with infants and toddlers. Babies are only in the can’t do anything except eat and sleep stage for a few months before they become mobile and messy. I tend to find newborn to toddler age to be really boring to work with. don’t get me wrong i love the kids I work with, but chasing around a child, saying no to someone who doesn’t fully understand the meaning of the word and playing on the floor with little cars can only entertain an adult for so long. I generally prefer working with the older kids because they are able to hold discussions, make decisions, listen and follow the rules. I think 4-7 would have to be my favorite age range, and I know I can make it through the first years as well to get to that point. The same as teenagers being a PITA, but a lot of people have great relationships with their adult children. 

Post # 16
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just remember that you don’t push out a toddler. You will grow as the baby grows, and you’ll prepare for that kind of stuff as the baby gets older. And by then you’ll love that baby so much you won’t mind all that stuff.

At the same time, if you’re not interested in raising a child but just want a baby, you definitely should not have a baby, as all babies turn into toddlers, and teenagers.

I REALLY don’t want a teenager, but I know that by that time we’ll be ready and it will come slowly one day one year etc at a time. It’s not like i will wake up and my baby will be 16.

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