Post # 1
I got engaged a few months ago and we are having a hard time planning the wedding, especially because it’s all so expensive and we would much rather have a house. We are also fairly private people, so are leaning towards a very small wedding (~30 people). The problem is that all of my coworkers invited EVERYONE at work to their own weddings, so they all assume that they will also be invited at mine. I work at a daycare, and most of my coworkers are fairly close knit, but since I’ve only been there 2.5 years, am much younger, and commute/live way out of town I’m not nearly as close to all of them as they are to each other. I don’t talk to any of them outside of work, whereas they are all pretty involved in each others’ lives.
A few people have suggested having a small ceremony and reception then inviting everyone to an after-party, or doing a tiered reception after the ceremony, but this seems rude and tacky to me. The real kicker is that the two girls I work with the most have decided to throw a workplace bridal shower for me, and now I feel terrible if they all get me gifts but I don’t invite them to the wedding. But they (and plus-one’s) would amount to an extra 40 people, which is more than the family and friends we would invite! We also can’t afford it all.
Help! The stress is driving me crazy, and any advice is much appreciated.
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
You’re unnecessarily stressing yourself out. No one should ever expect an invite but if it comes up let them know you’re having a very intimate wedding with family. No need to go into detail. Simple 😊
Post # 3
The next time they ask you how planning is going maybe you can mention how you’re happy you decided to have an intimate wedding. If they don’t get the hint then you may have to be more direct and tell them you appreciate how happy they are for you, but you and your fiance have decided to have a very small wedding with only immediate family and family friends. They may be a bit embarrassed at first but they shouldn’t have assumed anyway. They may still insist on throwing you a shower though if it’s a common practice where you work.
Post # 4
Well, for starters, you are allowed to refuse showers. Work showers are pretty common though, but if it makes you uncomfortable, just thank them for the offer but graciously decline.
The next time it comes up, just simply state that you’re having a very small wedding of immediate family. Include a few other niceties, if you wish, such as “Thank you for taking an interest” or “I’m sorry we’re not able to invite everyone we appreciate in our lives, but have already planned for a very small wedding.” Lather, rinse, repeat. If people keep suggesting things you don’t want to do, like after parties, just say “Thanks for the idea. We’re pretty much done with planning though.” Basically, just practice nice, but vague answers and then change the subject.
Post # 5
It is your wedding, no one should be expecting an invite. However, there are some people who dont understand. I know someone who had a open ceremony but closed reception for close friends and family. Would defently suggest something like that especially if you are doing it close to home. It worked out well, they said on facebook and social media “Everyone is welcome to join _ & _ on this date. Friends and family please RSVP on this website _ if you can attend the after reception”.
Post # 6
bucky91 : Congratulations! It’s lovely that your coworkers seem so excited and don’t treat you any differently just because you live far away! (I know I’d be miserable if my coworkers constantly made me feel left out :P)
it seems difficult to me to have a tiered reception with two different events on the same day, one of which your work friends are not invited to! But perhaps you could have a separate party for work friends on a different day? that doesn’t sound rude to me at all, assuming it’s what you’d actually like to do!
Post # 7
I had a coworker announce (in the middle of a large staff meeting) “You better make sure you invite me to your wedding!” She was a contractor and, while very nice, was never even considered for an invite. I just mentioned that we weren’t inviting co-workers since our families we both large and we were keeping the guest list relatively small. My other colleagues still got me a group office gift, despite the fact that they weren’t invited.
I don’t think you need to stress yourself out, just casually mention that you’re keeping your wedding small. If anyone asks you directly tell them directly that you’re keeping your wedding small and won’t be able to invite anyone from work.
Post # 8
In the UK work colleagues are the sort of people who would be invited to an evening reception and it wouldn’t be considered rude or tacky. I’m not inviting anyone from my work because quite frankly I don’t really socialise with any of them outside of work so don’t see why I should. Just politely decline the shower and just be honest and say I can’t accept gifts from you as I cannot invite you to the wedding- it’s small and intimate literally only immediate family and friends.
Post # 9
You need to tell the two who are planning a shower about your intimate wedding right away. Be kind but clear that you are having a *very* small wedding, family and a few old friends only, and while you really appreciate them wanting to throw you a shower, you would feel awkward having people buy gifts when they won’t be at the wedding. Tell them you aren’t refusing the shower, but you want them to know the plans so nobody is offended or hurt. Then it’s in their court.
Personally I would not be offended at all to get a shower gift and not get a wedding invite for a coworker, but that’s just me.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 29th, 2016
bucky91 : My co-workers threw me a surprise bridal shower and gave us a generous gift even though they knew they weren’t invited to my wedding. Sometimes people just want to do nice things for you. I would mention that you’re planning something intimate, family only, etc. if that makes you feel more comfortable.
Post # 11
I would make it clear that you are having a very small family and close friends only wedding. Let the ones planning the work shower know that you cant invite coworkers and if they decide to cancel the shower you understand.
I went to a work shower when I wasn’t going to the wedding. It didn’t bother me at all.
Post # 12
Just tell them you’re having a small wedding because you want to save for a house.
What are they going to do? Whine about not getting invited? You didn’t ask them to throw you a bridal shower.
Post # 13
It’s your wedding. Tell them you and your fiancé decided on an intimate wedding and only a few people will be there.
Post # 14
Just let them know that you’re having a small private wedding. They will definitely understand if they are not among the THIRTY people you invite. It would be trickier (but still reasonable) if you wanted your wedding to be 100 people and they would bring it up a bit, but surely they must know they’re not in the top thirty in your life haha.
As for the shower – when they bring it up again just request that it be a no gifts affair. To kill two birds with one stone, next time they bring it up say that you’d love to celebrate with them, but that you don’t feel comfortable having a gifts oriented party when you’re having such a small wedding with only family and very close friends.
Post # 15
coworkers throw showers all the time and are not invited to weddings. i wouldn’t stress about it.
if they want to throw you a shower, appreciate it or ask them not to. you can tell them you are having a small wedding and while you would love to invite everyone, it is not in the cards for you.