Want a very small wedding – but coworkers assume they\'re invited?

posted 1 month ago in Guests
Post # 17
Member
6500 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

bucky91 :  Half the time, when people say “I better be invited!” they’re just making an awkward attempt to be friendly, like saying “see how much I like you, I’m excited about your special event.” If they are actually trying to demand an invitation, they’re rude and you are not obligated to accommodate them. If you have a lot of people saying that, the answer is not to throw a whole extra party just for them or to tell them they can come after the important people have eaten, the answer is to reply back enthusiastically “I know, I wish we could invite everyone we care about! It’s just going to be immediate family though. Hey, how’s that thing going that you’ve been working on….?” Turn the conversation back to them and then go about your day. NBD. 

Regarding the shower, again, nbd. Most people go in on group presents for work showers, or get something smallish, and they know (or should know) it does not mean they’re invited to the wedding. Do you have maybe one close-ish friend there that you could confide in that you’re worried about accepting a shower when you won’t be able to invite them to the wedding? She would probably reassure you that nobody expects to be invited, but if they are, then it would be natural that she would spread the word about it being family-only, and they could decide whether to go ahead with the shower or not.

Post # 18
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

bucky91 :  I agree with what most everyone is saying. Let them know you’re having an initmate wedding and thank them for their generosity if you’re allowing them to plan your shower. Then, either before or after the wedding, host a small cocktail hour / bbq / gathering and invite are your local friends and acquaintances if you want to include those people.

If you don’t want to include those people: don’t. It is your wedding and your budget and you don’t need to justify it to anyone. If these people at work are truly your friends, they will understand. And if they don’t, then you don’t need them as friends. 

Post # 19
Member
995 posts
Busy bee

I guess I haven’t told them no since I’m undecided whether to invite them; I would, but it’s SO much much more money than we wanted to spend.

Why are you undecided? You should not spend money out of guilt or ‘obligation’.

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