Post # 16
xkchelsea : YES! Thanks! I too think it seems super difficult to split the reception. Having an after party after the plated meal is what everyone has been suggesting, but it seems so complicated logistically. Especially since the wedding is pretty small to start with – it would be like 30 max of our friends and family, then 40 some coworkers file in later for dancing? Weird haha. At least, it seems so to me.
TwilightRarity : Wow, awkward! I haven’t had anyone be so blunt, but they’ve all been talking about how excited they are because it’ll be such a fun party. And telling me about the shenanigans that went down at other coworker receptions. I guess I haven’t told them no since I’m undecided whether to invite them; I would, but it’s SO much much more money than we wanted to spend.
While I think it would be fun to have the big reception for all of our coworkers, my family also lives across the country and I have a pretty small friend circle. And fiance doesn’t want to invite his extended family. So it would be 25 friends + family, then 40+ of my coworkers/+1s, and another 40+ to invite his, and the imbalance seems awkward to me
Post # 17
bucky91 : Half the time, when people say “I better be invited!” they’re just making an awkward attempt to be friendly, like saying “see how much I like you, I’m excited about your special event.” If they are actually trying to demand an invitation, they’re rude and you are not obligated to accommodate them. If you have a lot of people saying that, the answer is not to throw a whole extra party just for them or to tell them they can come after the important people have eaten, the answer is to reply back enthusiastically “I know, I wish we could invite everyone we care about! It’s just going to be immediate family though. Hey, how’s that thing going that you’ve been working on….?” Turn the conversation back to them and then go about your day. NBD.
Regarding the shower, again, nbd. Most people go in on group presents for work showers, or get something smallish, and they know (or should know) it does not mean they’re invited to the wedding. Do you have maybe one close-ish friend there that you could confide in that you’re worried about accepting a shower when you won’t be able to invite them to the wedding? She would probably reassure you that nobody expects to be invited, but if they are, then it would be natural that she would spread the word about it being family-only, and they could decide whether to go ahead with the shower or not.
Post # 18
bucky91 : I agree with what most everyone is saying. Let them know you’re having an initmate wedding and thank them for their generosity if you’re allowing them to plan your shower. Then, either before or after the wedding, host a small cocktail hour / bbq / gathering and invite are your local friends and acquaintances if you want to include those people.
If you don’t want to include those people: don’t. It is your wedding and your budget and you don’t need to justify it to anyone. If these people at work are truly your friends, they will understand. And if they don’t, then you don’t need them as friends.
Post # 19
I guess I haven’t told them no since I’m undecided whether to invite them; I would, but it’s SO much much more money than we wanted to spend.
Why are you undecided? You should not spend money out of guilt or ‘obligation’.
Post # 20
katebluestone : You’re right, I shouldn’t be – I guess I’m so worried about people being upset or thinking badly of me that part of me feels we should just spend the money. I worry about regretting not having the big party with every person we know too, but I also know that’s not my style and likely wouldn’t enjoy it either. I’m finding it SO hard to separate what I want from what everyone seems to expect of us, and my fiance is in the same boat!