Post # 1
FI and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. We live in a non-equality state, but still want to legally get married somewhere. The problem that I am in running into is I want a wedding, but it would just be us and our two girls. So that kinda makes it a very private ceremony. Which then makes me feel silly about spending thousands of dollars on 10 minutes of our life. Ya know? We already have to travel 12-24 hours, so there is already that cost.
I was thinking about going ahead and finding a spot and wearing the dress and having a photographer, but then I start pricing things and I can not wrap my head around the price. Not to mention I would be spending all of that time getting dressed up and then after saying “i do” and taking some pictures, there isn’t much left to do for the 4 of us.
Anyway, what I am asking is are there any other couples that had to travel to another state to get married? What did you do? Will you have a big family celebration another time or was what you did it?
Post # 3
@lovelyMsValentine: Where do you want to be married? I have a very affordable photographer who does San Francisco City Hall weddings!
Edit: There are lots of people who do destination weddings with their immediate family only! I hope you know that you and your wife deserve the same opportunities and I want to congratulate you on your engagement! Your wedding should be special for both of you!
Post # 4
@beekiss: We live on the east coast, so somewhere on this side. I would totally be all over that if I lived on the west coast though, I have seen pictures of SF city hall and it is beautiful.
Post # 5
@lovelyMsValentine: What state were you thinking about being married in? I could see a really romantic and beautiful wedding up in New England! Maybe spend a weekend at a bed and breakfast near a state park? Go into the local courthouse? You could call around to some photographers and ask if they could photograph your courthouse wedding? Some photographers will offer an hourly rate or a package for 2 hours worth of shooting.
Post # 6
I think you’re being very practical about not sinking a ton of money into a ceremony BUT even though it is only ten minutes it is a very important ten minutes, so if you want a ceremony and celebration I say go for it. Destination weddings are really popular out here in Southern CA, shop around and you can get some great package deals. If you don’t want to do a beach ceremony there are some really awesome ‘get away’, ‘elopement’, or ‘small wedding’ celebrations available in the mountains (Big Bear area). Celebrate this is a joyous occassion! Congrats!
Post # 7
I’m sure there’s ways to cut down on costs. Its sad that you can’t get legally married in your own state. I think that the more love there is in the world the better. Whether you two want to shout it from the rooftops, or a have an intimate private ceremony, it’s still wonderful that you want to declare your love for each other. Don’t feel embarrassed about it, lots of heterosexual couples elope/have small ceremonies too. Just figure out how to make it work for you.
Post # 8
We’ll be doing something similar. We live in a state where it’s not legal (and are planning to move to a state where it’s STILL not legal…ugh) so we’ll end up doing a small DW. It’ll be us, our parents, a couple random family members, and a few friends. I think less than 15 people. When I think about spending the money it seems silly but I can’t imagine NOT doing it. I don’t want to just go to a courthouse in jeans & a tee and sign a piece of paper. So I feel like I’ve found a good compromise. Yea we’ll spend 5k, 6k, 7k, whatever…but it’s better than 25k on a huge wedding and worth it compared to $100 at a courthouse!
Post # 9
Maybe you can make a big family vacation out of it. I think if you want it, you should go for it!
Post # 10
What about a bed and breakfast somewhere?
Post # 11
There is no reason to feel silly. Who cares if its only 10 minutes, its your marriage and you should do what makes you happy. Im sure yu can still have a wedding and find ways to keep your costs down. Get your own flowers, hire a photographer for just a hour, pack some wedding cake or even cupcakes with some other food and have a nice picnic in a park afterwards. I agree with PP’s, since you are already traveling you might as well turn it into a mini family vacation and go sightseeing, the beach, an aquarium, ect. There are so many possibilities.
Post # 12
I have to say, there is a BEAUTIFUL place in VT called Forty Putney Road that offers a 3k wedding package for up to 26 guest. The only hangup is that your kids will probably be the only kids allowed there because I could not have a wedding there since I wanted all of my nieces and nephews. It’s 3k with an open bar cocktail reception and all of the rooms rented out for two nights! Upping the menu wasn’t a lot more either.
If you PM me and want the name of the place I’m using, it’s in NH in the white mountains but a little more expensive for a larger wedding, but only 800 for a couple eloping with dinner, a night there/breakfast, flowers and pictures.
Post # 13
@lovelyMsValentine: When I was looking for venues, I saw lots of inns and B&Bs in New England that offered “elopement” packages. That’s not quite what you’re talking about, but you may be able to expand that to include your girls. They seemed pretty reasonably priced. May be worth checking out! Good luck!
Post # 14
I like the idea of making it a wedding/honeymoon/family vacation. You could buy an inexpensive white dress and have a short ceremony, then go to a fancy restaurant for your reception.
You could come do it here in Canada, we’d love to have you! Plus, the Rockies are really beautiful and lots of the hotels/lodges in Banff National Park have wedding packages. (Same sex marriage has been legal here for over 10 years. Nobody thinks it’s a big deal, as far as I know.)
As for the money aspect of it, yeah, it is annoying to put up big bucks for a wedding. I’m with you there. (We’re doing destination too.) But if you do your own hair etc, and go with an off the rack dress, it doesn’t have to cost too much aside from the travel.
Post # 15
We had a ceremony in Massachusetts (before Maryland and DC had same-sex marriage) for just us, members of my immediate family, and a very few close friends (a total of a dozen people). We then came home and had a reception in DC for about 60 people. We showed the video of the ceremony at the reception, wore our wedding dresses, and reused a lot of the decor from the wedding. So we really looked at most of the costs as having been spread between the wedding and the reception.
As for the photographer, we were able to negotiate a discount to reflect the fact that we needed just a few hours (for getting ready, ceremony, and formals of us and our guests afterward), and were getting married on a weekday.
Post # 16
This was something that my wife and I went back and forth on for a while. We were quite transient for about two years (grad school) and our families live 1,500 miles apart. Before marriage was legal in MD, we were going to have to go to NY or DC to get married and that made it a bit frustrating.
We turned our commitment ceremony/wedding into a family vacation and got married while on a cruise. It was affordable and the photographer and reception came with the package (the photos were extra). It was a win-win all the way around.