Post # 1
FI and I are both Korean-American, and our moms are going wear the traditional Korean hanboks all day as many Korean-American moms do at weddings today. Months ago, my FMIL said she wanted to gift my mom and I custom made hanboks from Korea, as she feels that quality of hanboks in the US aren’t as good. So we just need to get measured by a tailor, and the dress will be all made in Korea and sent over to us.
Recently, my mom started expressing concern about the fact that she feels she has no say in what she’ll be wearing on my wedding day. She is definitely thankful, but she wishes she could look at swatches and designs and have some input as to what actually looks good on her. It seems like a lot of moms go to hanbok stores in the states (like many of the Korean-American bees’ moms) so they can actually visualize the different styles. So basically, my mom wants to ask my FMIL if they can go look at hanboks together at a store in the states and purchase them there.
As much as I understand my mom’s point, I feel strange about this considering that my FMIL is gifting us the hanboks. Apparently FMIL’s sister (who lives in Korea) has already started looking into hanbok stores in Korea. FI asked my FMIL about colors and stuff, and she said she would show us pictures but seemed a little bothered by the fact that my mom wanted to dictate what the dress was going to look like.
So now I don’t know what to do. Should I tell my mom to keep quiet and gratitiously accept whatever they end up choosing for her? Or should she say something to my FMIL since this is what she’ll be wearing all day on my wedding day? I don’t want to be rude, but I want my mom to be happy too.
Post # 3
I can see both sides of this. I would want input on how I looked too. Maybe you can say you’d like to pick the material so as that it goes with your color’s ??? Buy it here and let them make it. That way it’s 50/50 and equally giving on both sides.
Post # 4
I think your mom deserves some say in what she’ll wear at her daughter’s wedding, even if the outfit is a gift. It doesn’t sound like she “needs” it to be gifted to her so I don’t think she’s obligated to accept it and wear it no questions asked just because it was offered. It would be nice if she could give input into preferred colors/styles etc. even if she doesn’t see it before it’s bought.
Post # 5
After thinking on it I would be upset at not being able to wear what I look best in either. Maybe she can just wear it at the rehearal dinner if your having one.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
I wouldn’t think it rude for your mother express interest in helping her pick out colors/patterns if possible! I think that if I were your FMIL, I would at least like to know what colors your mother felt comfortable in/was looking to find. If pictures of the potential fabrics were available, would your mother feel more comfortable with having them made outside of the states?
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s rude for your mother to want input into what she is wearing at her daughters wedding. I think it’s wonderful that FMIL wants to give such a generous gift but she should ask your mom what colors etc your mom likes. Can you have your mom look at pictures online for colors and go to a fabric store to see what she likes then casually pass along to your FMIL the info? Maybe “Oh my mom and I were looking at pictures at she really likes X color and loved X fabric.” I don’t think it’s rude at all to want to be comfortable at your daughters wedding.
Post # 8
Maybe she could wear the hanbok she picked out at the wedding and another hanbok (the gifted one) at the reception?
She could be like a cool two dress bride! Moms can go glam too!
Post # 9
I think it’s okay for your mom to want to know what she’ll be wearing and to have some input. Although they’re a gift, I’m sure she wants to feel her best on your wedding day. If it’s typical that the women go shopping for them here, maybe you guys could suggest that. Could your mom just ger her on hanbok, or would that be considered rude?