Post # 1
So I got guilted into including an old college roommate in my wedding party as a bridesmaid (guilted by her). I have seen this girl probably 2 times in the last 2 years and when I talk to her about the wedding she sounds annoyed. She even went so far as to tell me I’m a bad friend bc when I email her its only about the wedding, yet she won’t accept any of my invitations to hang out and when I talk to her on the phone its usually about her (she doesn’t ask how I am). I’m really annoyed that she is in the wedding party as I feel so disconnected from her, and I no longer can picture her in any of my wedding photos.
My fiance thinks I should just leave it alone as he thinks the annoyance I have for including her is far less than the drama kicking her out will create. His fear is that if I kick her out she will still come to the wedding and will be grumpy and angry causing a distraction from the happiness. On the other hand, everyone says “it’s your day – do what you want to do” and a great part of me wants to give in to that. She hasn’t done anything “wrong” so to speak, I’m just struggling with having her over people I did not choose. What do you think – Should I boot her? Or avoid the drama (but stay annoyed) and keep her? If cut her, any suggestions on how to do it gently without increasing the drama?
Post # 3
I vote for keeping her, i agree wholeheartedly with your Fiance. How many BM’s do you have? Just so you know, if you’ve never been a Bridesmaid or Best Man, on the actual wedding day it’s kind of a fight to get near the bride in pictures and usually only the MOH/MOB win. Just put her last in the lineup and instruct your photographer not to take any pix of her besides group shots. You also don’t say when your wedding is – if it’s coming up soon you don’t have to deal with her for much longer. You can even ask your Maid/Matron of Honor to communicate with her from now on too.
Post # 4
I am in the same boat you are, except it is my Maid/Matron of Honor.
my wedding isnt until April of next year, and I havent spoken to her since her wedding in November. I am waiting until April, If i still dont hear from her, she is out. I am not wasting my time on someone that has no interest in my life.
I feel you on this. Talk to her, give her an ultimatum. If she doesnt perk up, she is out.
Post # 5
I would keep her in. It’s extremely difficult to cut someone out of your bridal party, and her actions don’t seem severe enough to warrant all the drama! Just try to stay away from her as much as possible to minimize the annoyance.
Post # 6
There IS another option. Keep her AND talk to her about how you feel. Not all girls are head over heels about discussing every little detail of wedding stuff, and some just aren’t really gooey in general. You became friends with her intially for good reasons (right?) so it might be worthwhile to just say to her straight up, ” You don’t seem to be feeling this whole bridesmaid thing.” and maybe give her the opportunity to back out on her own or take it as a wake up call that she does have certain responsibilities as a bridesmaid.