Post # 1
We’ve decided to go with a catered reception, after all. Here http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-hate-this-type-of-situation is the backstory on that. Okay, well, after you read that you’ll know that FMIL said she’d pay for half of our wedding expenses, therefore leading me to the conclusion that we’d easily be able to afford catered food. However, I was skeptical to trust that she’d actually pay half, just because most people never go through with the things they tell me they’re going to do for me. So, I decided to make a 30-50 guest limit for the reception. That way, in case FMIL and FFIL don’t contribute, FI and I can still foot the bill.
Sure enough, now FMIL is acting like she never said she’d contribute. Which is A-OK. Not her responsiblility. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Save the snark for someone else. Anyway, I have decided that since I can’t afford to do as much with no help, that the reception dinner should be adults only. I know for a fact that none of the kids on either side of the family will like what is on the menu. They’re all very picky. No way I’m paying $30 PER child to sit there and stare at food they don’t want. There are no children’s menu options at this venue, either. So, I told FMIL this and I don’t think it went over well with her.
I proposed that a couple of people (preferrably FSIL and my cousin) can stay at the hotel and watch the kids/feed them happy meals/take them to mini golf/etc. FMIL kind of got an attitude where it concerns her two grandchildren. “Well, L will have to be there, and I know she’ll eat the shrimp meal!” Then she said that future nephew can eat off of someone’s plate. Well, future nephew will be nearly three by then. He already clears half of an adult’s portion of food when someone shares with him at a restaurant! So, I know FSIL is going to insist that he get his own entree. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to pay $30 to feed a three year old!
So, FMIL said we should just do “wedding party only” kids. Which is five kids. The only one that will probably eat his food is future nephew. There is also going to be zero entertainment for the kids. We can’t have a dancefloor or music. Plus, there is very limited seating space. No room to run around.
What should I do?
Post # 3
The parents of these children may care far less (or even be happy for a child free night) than your FMIL is. As much as I say it’s your wedding and you can do what you want, if you really feel the need to accommodate you, you could ask the actual parents of the children in question and see if they’d be ok with the kids being baby sat elsewhere. Then you could potentially at least have the argument that “their parents think it’s a great idea” on your side.
I think most people realize that weddings are typically NOT kid friendly.
Post # 4
Will the venue allow you to bring in outside food for the kids and not include them in the head count for the $30 meal?
Post # 5
Ask the venue if you can bring food for your kids table. When my brother got married, we nearly had a kids table of 20 and we fed them McDonalds. @ my 2nd Mom’s sons wedding, they hired a babysitter and the kids had a pizza party in a suite. This way the kids got to party on their terms while their parents partied the night away.
Post # 6
If MIL isn’t paying, she doesn’t get a say in whether or not kids attend your reception. If you WANT them there, I would do as other bees recommended and see if you can bring in outside food for them. If you would rather it be adults-only, then offer to hire a babysitter for them or leave it up to the parents to make arrangements. Expecting your FSIL or other family members to do babysitting duty instead of enjoying the reception seems a bit rude.
Post # 7
My FSIL is someone who I particularly don’t care for, nor do I care to have her at my reception. She is a pathological liar with severe issues, and I know she doesn’t like me. She got with my cousin (B) three years ago and shortly after began cheating on him with his brother (C). When she had her baby, she actually didn’t know if the baby was B’s or C’s. FSIL and C have kept their little relationship a secret this whole time. Months ago, B left FSIL because he had a feeling that something was up. Since then, FSIL and C have been slowly stepping out together, but they’re still being secretive to protect my aunt’s feelings. Therefore, I know they would jump on the opportunity to have “private time” by taking the kids somewhere else to play. That is why I considered asking them to watch the children, and not somebody else. We are having a destination wedding, so I don’t think I’ll be able to locate a non-familial babysitter.
Post # 8
Do you want kids at the wedding though? Because I’m not really clear on if you are just worried they wont like the food or if you want the adult only atmosphere? If you do want kids there and have enough space for them, you should be able to arrange for a cheaper and more child friendly menu option for them.. If you just do not want kids then just say so and stand your ground. Eitheway the wedding party kids would still have to come
Post # 9
@Pinksapphire:That sounds like a great idea! If you don’t want kids there for whatever reason, you don’t have to have them there.