(Closed) Want to fire bridesmaid who is currently a bride.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind! If it’s really that bad….and she really has that much of a problem behaving herself…. I’d question whether or not to invite her to the wedding too. I have a friend I’m in the same boat with. She’s gone from my best friend to an unreliable, self-centered, alcoholic. If she doesn’t straighten up soon, she’s out of the wedding and may not be invited. It’s harsh, but I don’t want to be hurt by someone on my wedding day.

Post # 4
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree. This time is about you and your future husband and if you don’t have any more value in the friendship then maybe it’s time to let it go. I have a situation that almost parallels yours with my so called “bff”. She grew distant and stopped communicating with me around the time I moved in with my fiance. Her life is so miserable and all she does is complain. She’s stated on many different occassions how she envies my relationship that I think it finally got to her. I haven’t spoken to her in months and I previously asked her to be my maid of honor before all this distance came into the picture but unbeknownst to her she has been replaced and I have yet to decide if I even want her at the wedding. This should be a time where all those who are closest to you and love you should be around you. If your friend isn’t fitting the bill then….adios!

Post # 5
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Are you willing to wait it out until she’s married?  Planning a wedding is extremely stressful (as you know), and she’s most likely just ready to get get hers over and done with.  Her constant complaining would be really annoying, but are you really willing to cut someone completely out of your life (which is what will happen if you kick her out of your wedding party) over her stress?  I understand that you “don’t have time for people like her in your life”, but really?  Her unloading stress on you by complaining is most likely something she is really, truely grateful for.

Grantid, all I know about your friendship is what you have posted in this thread.  However I say unless you’re willing to really hurt this person and damage your relationship with her by booting her out, don’t do it.

Post # 6
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think it’s bad for you to tell  her that at all. BMs are supposed to be helping to relieve your stress, not add to it. Luckily, you don’t seem to care if the friendship continues so even if she’s offended then who cares! People who are consistently negative affect your life and that’s not fair to you especially now during such a special time.

Post # 8
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Bridesmaid Bride:  Ok, then go ahead and kick her out if that’s what you want to do.  I understand having friends that turn into people you barely recognize, so you have my sympathy there.

Being tactful about asking for space from your friend is really important though.  Mention to her the reason why you haven’t been hanging out with her.  It might snap her into reality.  She might realize that being nasty = no one wants to be around her.

I am confused however…why would you befriend someone who is normally bitchy and negative in the first place?  Girl, you need positive people in your life!  Don’t befriend people that are going to bring you down anymore!  Especially now that you have such a wonderful thing to celebrate!

Post # 9
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Bridesmaid Bride: WOW. Am I the only person here who thinks that maybe she just really needs a friend right now? I get as annoyed as the next person when people get bitchy and selfish. But maybe just cutting someone who must have been a good friend to you in the past (or why would you have considered asking her to be a bridesmaid in the first place?) out of your life isn’t the right idea. If you don’t feel like she should be your bridesmaid, then I guess you could cut her. But maybe you should try to find out what is really going on in her life. Couldn’t you talk to her and ask her why she has been so negative? Have an honest talk with her. Try to be understanding. Use “I feel…” statements. Tell her you can’t fulfill all of her demands. Open her eyes to what you’ve been experiencing, and ask her WHY she has been acting this way.

It sounds like her life really is hard right now– She’s the only one working, and she has three kids and her FI to support?! That seems like a little bit bigger of a problem than not getting your $50 super fast. What if she’s gotten into real financial trouble (I don’t mean like “Darn, I can’t afford that $5000 dress!” but more like “Am I going to have enough money to buy food this week? How could I have spent so much already? How am I going to pay for Suzy’s doctor visit? What if they cut off our electricity because I can’t pay the bills? What if they kick us out, and we become homeless?”)  What if she’s gotten more negative because of something you’re not aware of– What if her FI is emotionally abusive or something? What if she’s battling depression? When you’re depressed, you lose interest in things, you get overwhelmed easily, you forget to do things. These are problems that people have a hard time telling you about because they feel ashamed. If she is really suffering right now, do you really want to isolate her? Even if she isn’t going to win any “Bridesmaid of the Year Awards,” even if you can find a way to tactfully un-invite someone to be in a wedding party (By the way, I’m not sure I’d use the money excuse– You may come across as cutting people for being too poor), even if the two of you aren’t going to be close friends anymore– maybe she just needs a little help through something. Maybe you could at least point her to someone who cares, like a counselor or a friend.

Post # 10
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@AnneNM82: the OP said that they’d been drifting but due the amount of time they’d known each other it was a “given”.

Sounds like the friend was asked for the wrong reasons in the first place, I can’t blame Bridesmaid Bride because I did the same thing. I hardly know “my BFF” aka “First friend I made in a new school in 2nd grade” yet I asked her to be a bridesmaid even though I didn’t feel excited considering after she moved we barely speak and have seen each other maybe 4 times in the last 3 years.

I know this OP isn’t the first to ask the wrong people for whatever reason. I KNOW I am a kind, compassionate person and a great friend but I do not believe people should be around negativety and suffer just ’cause.

If they were still close friends or really friends at all I’d feel different, but based on her comment about drifiting the last 1.5 years it sounds like this bride really has no obligation. That’s just life, IMO, you can’t fix everyone.

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