Post # 1
I want to get married at 21, just before my 22nd bday. I know my parents would like me to wait longer and I imagine the rest of my family feel the same. Should I let myself be put off or stick to my guns? My future husband is 7yrs older and we’ll have been together nearly 5yrs.
Is it unreasonable to want to get married young?
Post # 3
I don’t think so. It would be unreasonable if you had met last week or something. But you have been together for 5 years.
That being said, if you are having any doubts, there is no harm in waiting. But it sounds like (just from what you said here) that you are ready. Your family just wants the best for you. Try to listen to their reasons then decide.
Post # 4
are you still in college? supported by your parents?
Those would be some big reasons to listen to them.
Post # 5
im 24 and sometimes i still get the “but your so young”… i had several serious relationships throughout the years and when i finally met FI i knew right away this was the person i was supposed to be with. Im actually glad that my time has come now instead of years ago…i was a much different person at 21 than i am now.
BUT when its right its right…ya know? Just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and not just to get married.
Post # 6
Unreasonable? No, not at all. I got married right before my 21st birthday after dating for over 4 years (after DH and I had already both graduated and had a steady future plan). But our families were both extremely supportive. If you don’t mind waiting, and think it could mean a more supportive family situation, I’d say it’s at least worth considering.
I see that your wedding date isn’t until 2013. Maybe your family will like it more when you get a little older as it gets closer to time.
Post # 7
Grrrrrrr!!! I’m getting tired of these threads. And please, before you jump down my throat since I know this *particular bee* has not asked this EXACT SAME question before, I just want to say that questions like these usually degenerate into snarky comments which can be avoided by using the search button.
*gets off rant box and takes a deep breath*
Post # 8
I think you should get married whenever YOU want to get married. As to whether you’re too young, I can’t answer that–some 21-year-olds are ready; some are not. Heck, some 40-year-olds are ready and some are not. But perhaps you at least want to hear your parents out because they have your best interest at heart.
I’m curious to know, however, why you are so keen on being married at your age? For your own sake, forget the emotional attachment for a moment and look at this more in terms of your finances, your legal status, and your independence. Once you marry someone you share a financial identity with them–so you assume each-others’ debts, for example, and your credit history affects his and vice-versa. Plus, everything that you both earn after marriage essentially becomes shared. Independence-wise, another thing to consider is you are young and just starting out in life. Are you prepared to take another person into account when you organize your career–for example, if you want to go to graduate school, are you willing to restrict where you apply and go based on where your husband can work and/or where he wants to live? Are you willing to compromise on your own dreams if HE wants to pursue something that demands you move to a different state or switch jobs so you can make more money or whatever.
These are by no means concerns that are isolated to being 21–everyone has to deal with them no matter how old they are when they’re getting married. But I think that there IS an argument that a lot of self-discovery goes on during your twenties and that’s something that you might want to experience outside of the confines of marriage.
But ultimately, this is your decision and if it’s a life you want now, then go for it.
Post # 9
If you don’t have valuable life experiences including supporting yourself, graduating from school, etc, I would say that you should wait. I totally get where your parents are coming from! I think it’s really important, with you being sooo much younger than your FI, for you to have experienced some independence and responsibility on your own. But, if you’ve been supporting yourself through school, that’s a different story. 21 can be touch and go maturity-wise – some people are very mature, some aren’t. You know yourself best.
@bRooklynRocks: You should let people give constructive thoughts instead of pre-emptively being up in arms. The hive has settled down a bit recently – have some faith!
Post # 10
@bRooklynRocks: Still uncalled for. If you don’t like the topic, don’t open the thread!
To the OP, I understand where you are coming from. Now, for me it doesn’t specifically do with age but I am 21 and I will have to wait until July which is after my birthday to get married. This is only because of a promise he made to my parents that we would be out of school by the time we got married and I graduate in May. I understand the reasoning but I wish I could marry that man tomorrow! We are SO ready. It is just a matter or being really ready in our life situation rather than just emotionally ready.
Post # 11
I would say, if you are still in college and your parents are paying for any part of your education (living expenses, tuition, etc), that unless your spouse is prepared to pay for all of that, you should wait until you are done with school and ‘off your parents’ bill’, otherwise, if you and your man are ready, then do whatever you want.
It’s harder to plan a wedding without the support of family, but if it’s what you want, then I’m sure can deal with it.
Post # 12
I’m getting married next year and although I’m thrilled and can’t wait, I’ll definitely admit that it does have some negative aspects to it as well.
I’ve already gone through University but am looking to do grad school and now that we’re getting married and he’s not finished his school yet (he went back to do more) I’m kind of limited as to where I can apply. It would be way too hard financially for us to go to schools in seperate cities hours apart because theres no way we could afford to pay for two houses and living apart for the first year of marriage would be really hard.
So I think waiting can be a positive thing, but it really depends what you’re plans are for school and work and if getting married is going to make those things more difficult for you or not. Only you know the answers to those questions though, but I do think it’s a good idea to map out what you want first before you make a really huge decision. I don;t think age has much to do with it, you’ve been together for years too, it’s just a matter of making a logical and practical decision that will help you meet your goals in the future. Good luck!
Post # 13
Whats right for you and your SO is just that, right for you. Not for anyone else. However, dont expect that you are going to have the blessing and full support from all of your family and friends. Maybe talk to them about it before getting engaged so that you can see how they feel about this idea.
Post # 14
@crayfish: Okay, I’ll keep the faith
Post # 15
@JennyW1: I agree, especially on how marrying young limits your future options (though I would believe when ever you combine multiple people it would).
Because I am marrying right before I graduate undergrad and go off to a Master’s program, I have to take into account what cities would have a strong technology industry so that FH can find a job in system architecture or programming. There is a wonderful program in rural New York for my area, however the city is so poor there are no avaliable technology jobs avaliable, and if they were they would be at a severe pay cut from FH’s present salary.
@sheepy19:I highly encourage working with your family to see why they hesitate. Mine were questionable at first so we worked with them to explain our plans (not only career wise but budgeting and lowering our student loan debt) and put off the wedding until it made the most sense (after my field school but before I moved across the country for grad school).
Post # 16
I’m out of education. I’m just starting my career as a teaching assistant and although I live with my parents I’m financially independent. Even if I wasn’t earning, my SO earns enough to support us both.
As for dreams, my dream is to be his wife and have his child, thats all that matters to me; not money or a career, just him 🙂